Chapter 45: Chapter 45

Ryder carried a half-dazed Alecia into the apartment with her family behind him. Taking her to their bedroom, he lay down next to her and caressed the hair out of her face. She still hadn’t said a word to him. Not one. He kissed her cheek and wrapped her into his arms. She rolled over and faced the wall. A deep ache grew in him. What had he done to her? Loosen up.

That was what he needed to do.

“Please roll back over,” he said as he placed a firm hand on her hip.

She shook her head.

“We’ll have more.”

“Please leave me, I beg you." She whispered.

“Do you want Trina?”

“No one.”

He kissed her cheek before he got up and left. He walked out the door and inched it closed. He could not look at her family, so he concentrated on the floor. “She wants to be alone.”

No one responded so he locked himself in the guest room, burying his face into the pillow as he let his tears fall. All he wanted was Alecia back; to love him as she had done in college. He wanted to see the innocence in her eyes again.

He stared at the mirror in front of him. There was no confidence in his eyes; just a look of longing, a longing to return to California state university, when she’d loved him, and he had done nothing to her. But those moments were a distant memory to him, and he didn’t even recognize himself; nor did he recognize the girl he had fallen in love with. This was the path his father was taking him down. Every day his father pushed him into actions he had only heard whispers about as a child. He should tell her to leave. He got up, but then planted himself back on the bed. The ache was too much. The thought too painful. He couldn’t let her go; he needed her, even if she no longer needed him.

Alecia listened to the mumble of voices outside the door. Her family was here. She wanted to be immersed in their arms, to feel the love and close connection she had given up for Ryder. If she emerged, he would want her in his arms, to be the one comforting her, when she longed for something else. If she rejected him for her family, he would be jealous and where could that lead? But? She sat up, and looked at the door. She needed her family. She would play his game for a little bit and then find her way to her mother. She opened the door and peeked through. He wasn’t with them. Tension released from her body.

She walked through the door and all eyes turned to her.

“Hey,” she said as her voice choked. Her family stood and surrounded her, embracing her as one. Her father picked her up and carried her to the couch as she let the tears pour down her face. His strong arms felt comforting and protecting.

He sat on the couch, and Alecia buried her face into his chest, as her family each placed a hand on her, holding her with love.

She stiffened as another door creaked open. She looked up just in time to see Ryder shut himself back in the guest room. Her breath escaped from her. What was he thinking? She would have to lie if he asked why she hadn’t come to him.

“His heart’s broken,” Mr. Bell said. He placed her on the couch and walked over to the door, leaning his ear against it.

Alecia bit on the tips of her fingers. She could only hope for nothing bad happen. “Son, please open up. We’re here for you.” There was no response.

He tapped on the door. “Son.”

“Go away,” Ryder shouted. Mr. Bell flinched, and then laid his head back on the door.

He stood there for a couple seconds, with his eyes closed, then he turned to look at his family.

“He should be out here with us.”

Alecia buried her head into her mother’s shoulder, and cried harder. He had no idea. They shouldn’t be here, but someone had called them. Who? Ryder must have.

Mr. Bell knocked on the door. “Alecia, please. We love-”

Something hard crashed against the door making Mr. Bell step back. “What the.…” “Daddy, leave him alone,” Trina said.

Mr. Bell stared at the door, his eyes wide. “Poor boy.” He walked back to his family.

Her mother softly sang into her ear the soft lullabies from her childhood. She closed her eyes and listened to the sweet voice, letting herself step back in time to when she was a baby, and there was nothing more comforting than her mother’s arms. What a sweet time. She rocked her and caressed her hair. Tears brimmed in her eyes. She had not wanted to rock her child, but she did now. Her arms began to ache. How precious would that child have been? Maybe it was for the best. Maybe Ryder would have destroyed the child as he had done her.

The guest bedroom door opened, and images of her babe fled from her mind. She heard footsteps. Where did they lead? She pushed herself from her mother’s arms and watched her husband walk to the kitchen. The fridge door opened.

“I bet that sandwich will be delicious, but you don’t need the beer,” her father spoke.

Oh no. Her body trembled.

Ryder sidestepped her father and made his way back to the guest room, with just the beer. Her father stepped in front of Ryder. “Son.” Her father reached for Ryder. “Come join us. But leave the beer. It will only hurt you.”

Ryder glared, and tried to walk past him, but Mr. Bell stepped in his way.

“Get out of my way,” Ryder said through clenched teeth.

Mr. Bell crossed his arms. “No.”

Ryder threw the bottle on the floor at Mr. Bell's feet. “What?” he shouted. “What?”

Her father didn’t even flinch. He just looked down at the smashed bottle and then looked back up at Ryder. Mr. Bell took a step closer to Ryder and peered up into his eyes. “You’re only scaring yourself.”

Alecia's hand flew to her mouth. The monster was about to be revealed.

“It’s okay to grieve, but it’s not alright to hurt yourself,” Mr. Bell said.

“Really.” Ryder bent his head to the side. “Sir, you have no idea. I suggest-”

Mr. Bell grabbed Ryder by the arm and pulled him into a firm embrace. Ryder stood still, silent, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging opened.

“You have no idea.” His voice choked.

Trina grabbed Alecia hand and squeezed it. One could feel the tension in the room, it was so thick. Her father stroked Ryder's bangs out of his face, pulling his head to his shoulder.

“Did anyone ever hold you as a child?” her father asked.

A tear slipped down Ryder's face. No one probably ever did. What must it have been like for him as a little boy? Scared, frightened longing for the love she had given him.

“Sir, I…. It’s my fault.”

“In time you will see it wasn’t. No one can predict such things.”

Was he talking about the miscarriage? He couldn’t have caused that. No, her lack of love killed the child. “It’s my fault,” she said. “I caused it.”

Ryder's eyes opened wide and he left her father, rushing to her. He took her hands. “No. It's mine. I’m so sorry.”

Her brows arched. “You’re always sorry.”

“All I have done is love you,” he said as his voice broke -tears dropped onto her hands.

Ryder reached to the back of her head and pulled it down so their foreheads touched. He tried to look in her eyes. “Do you know that?”

She looked up into his eyes at the tears that formed in them, but wouldn’t fall.

“Alecia,” he said.

Mr. Bell walked over to where they sat. “Patricia, maybe you and Trina should start cooking something. We all need to eat.”

Footsteps sounded on the hardwood floor. Mr. Bell sat down on the couch.

“I love you,” Ryder mouthed.

“I hate you,” she mouthed back. Ryder let go of her head and sat on the floor, looking to the side. The tears dried in his eyes, and a sharp anger replaced them. Alecia tensed. What might he say or do? She closed her eyes. “I love you, Ryder,” she whispered.

He sprang off the floor, and in a second, he had her on his lap. He held her, promising he would never let her be hurt again. It was a lie. In a matter of time, he would slip back into his father.

Her family stayed one more day. They had planned to stay the week, but Alecia had told them, she wanted to be alone with Ryder. She was afraid of what might happen if they stayed; she couldn’t let them see Ryder at his worse. After they were gone, She sat on the blankets that were spread over the floor. She picked one up, and wrapped it around her body, trying to remember the scent of her father, but all she could smell was Ryder's cologne and his powerful werewolf aura. She looked up when she heard footsteps. Ryder stood before her, shirtless, with sweat dripping down his muscular chest.

“We’ll go see them soon,” he said.

Alecia looked down at her lap, as Ryder sat down and leaned his head into it.

“I promise, Ally, when you’re ready.”

She took small deep breaths but the tenseness wouldn’t go away.

“Do you think we can ever find peace?” He asked

“Not us,” she said.

“You mean not me.”

Alecia shook her head. ''I don't know what to say Ryder. . . That we have broken every single rule I've ever known. Whoever said an Alpha and a human girl could be happy together.

Ryder got up and walked to the guest room. The werewolves were a mutation, a set of humans who had been exposed to supernatural powers, and then went ahead to give birth to equally supernatural children. It had so the could protect the rest of the humans, but instead, they had used it to subdue the humans, to bully them, maltreat them, to enslave them.

He drew in a shaky breath. If only he wasn't his father's son.