Chapter 33: Chapter 33
What are emotions exactly? are our thoughts. My mind was whirling with them. Rocky fucking kissed me. On my head not on my lip but it still counts right it wasn't a friendly kiss for sure. I was walking on the college aimlessly not sure what to do or say. I know Leila and Rocky are over. Mostly on his part but it was another, red flag. He might want something from me; it wasn't friendship. He might be craving for something else as if I was prepared to give it to him. Then what will be of our future will I still marry his father and then what? I will be fucking father and son. I quickly moved away from that thought. This was my life not a fucking porno.
"Hey", Rita pulled me away from my nasty thoughts. I tried to focus on her going on and on about her crush Aryan I think I didn't dare to ask her. She will eat me alive. This was my fun zone, with her gossiping about boys who came from her most of the time, she wasn't ready to hear what I had in my store. My stories could only scare her; it was a melodrama. It could be made into a Netflix series. My choice will not be men, it will be myself. I only wish they gave me my life and the right to live it as I wish. But I had a whole debt looming over my head like a sword.
I could last some more days than I will be 18, suddenly I was seeing Rocky and his father both of their arms raised towards asking me to embrace life. They had shackles laid down for me asking me to wear them. I said," No" to them to all of those things they represented. I'm done being a puppet, good or bad choice I will make. The consequence is damned. I will be my own master. Rita shook me. I focused on her. "What happened to you"? Are you ok? ", she asked. "I will call Rocky and he will take you home if you are unwell", she said worriedly. " I'm fine Rita. Please don't call him. Don't let him know where I am going", I finished breathlessly. Then I turned and ran but she kept calling, "Where are you going, at least tell me that?", she said. " To live ", I said more to her.
I stopped running only after I reached the canteen but Raja wasn't working today. One person told me that he is not working today because he is not feeling well. He caught some bugs. I was surprised to hear that he never got ill when he worked for us. But he was very chatty so I flirted with him. He happily told me when I said I had to return his coat. Which I didn't have with me for a moment. He fell for it or he must have thought that Raja will be thankful to him. I booked an Uber and the next thing I was standing in front of his door. I casually knocked on his door. There was a pause and he slowly opened and was flabbergasted to see me.
" You don't look sick to me ", I said without an introduction. " You are not my employer anymore brat ", he said with a hard smile. " I know but here I'm ", I said shakily. " I don't know what you are playing at but it will be good if you leave me alone", he said dismissively. "Today is my mom's death anniversary. That's why I took a fucking leave. Are you satisfied"? He said with suppressed anger. " I'm sorry. I didn't know that. I will leave", I said sadly. "Why have you come here in the first place"? He asked me. " I like you a lot. I'm sure you know that by now. But I want to be with you. If only you are interested in me. I will leave since this is not the right time", I said.
"No, you have come at the right time. You want an affair with me. Is that it"? He asked me. I nodded my head. " Anything else", he asked me with a raised eyebrow. "I don't want anyone to know about this now", I said regretfully. " I kind of expected that brat. You never fail to amuse me. I accept your proposal, in fact, this news only made me happy. "Ok ", I said. "I will leave you now," I said. "Is that it"? Are you not going to cheer me up ", he said, unembarrassed. I didn't get his meaning at first then said," Oh". He pulled me to his chest. I landed awkwardly. He put his hands on my waist and kissed me passionately.
Our tongues danced together and he drew mine to his mouth. I dreamed of this moment all my life but when it happened it was much better than I imagined. He slowly put his hands on my breast and I broke away frightened. He looked at me confused. I'm a virgin. I wanted to say. But instead of that I said, " I have to go, Rocky might start looking for me", I said. His face was now stone. "Don't let your fiance worry for you", he said coldly. I was in a dilemma. I should have told him that he wasn't my fiance but my pride didn't let me.
" I will call you when I reach home", I want you to be careful about us. He silently nodded his head. I was feeling very bad. When I finally acted out my feelings and kissed Raja why wasn't I brimming with joy. Instead, a new sense of sadne
ss was enveloping me. I pushed away all the negative thoughts and focused on us and Raja. On the way home I was planning on how to get on with Raja inside the college in which Rocky studies as well. But I have to trust myself. In many years to come if I was asked what my regret was. "Not being with Raja " shouldn't be on that list .