Chapter 63: Chapter 63

Chapter Sixty - Three

Ava's POV

My lungs burned from holding my breath but I just could not seem to breath as I waited outside of the dining room. I was standing outside of it, convincing myself to go inside but it was as if my legs had been frozen. To say that I was scared and nervous was an underestimation of the things that I was currently feeling.

Since the moment Maria had asked me to go inside the dining room and take a seat, my heart had been hammering inside my chest. The tips of my finger had turned cold and I was pretty sure that my legs would give out if I forced them to follow my command and walk inside. So, I just decided to stand outside like a fool and tried to calm myself down. Which I seemed to be failing at miserably.

I had caught a glimpse of him sitting inside the room on his usual spot. He did not notice me because he was checking something on his phone, probably checking his email or such. Doing his usual morning routine of checking up on the latest news and updating on his work. He appeared normal. Way ... to normal. Like this was any other day for him. Like he had not just ...

While on the other hand, here I was coming completely undone for the minimum reason of just seeing him sitting there. Was I being too emotional about yesterday? Did what we had last night was nothing to be worried about? But how was it normal?

I had sex with a boss. That was not normal.

He cheated on his girlfriend with me. That was not normal.

Him being so casual about it while I try not to lose my mind on it. That was not normal.

What was normal about this situation?

Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe it was nothing. But I couldn't help myself. I could not rein in my emotions and that's it. I mean I did not think that anyone in their right mind would be okay about it. And not just me.

The beating of my fast heartbeat did not slow down as I stood on the spot and thought about these thoughts over and over again. I didn't even realise that sweat had broken across my forehead and that I was tapping my feet in agitation.

I stopped tapping my foot and closed my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I told myself to relax.

It was not a big deal.

"Ava."

I jumped at the sound of Maria, feeling my heart slam against my rib cage. I gasped as I spun around to face her who was looking at me with a confused face and searching look. I realised that I had a face of startled deer. Or maybe worse.

I took deep breaths and forced a smile on my face. She was holding two big bowls in her hands that had steam coming out of it.

"Maria." I said. Swallowing hard, feeling ashamed as if I were caught doing something shameful. Was waiting outside of a dining room and not doing anything counted as something shameful? I did not think so. But then why was I feeling so embarrassed? Maybe doing nothing while standing did count as something shameful.

God, who knows?

She frowned at me.

"I thought I told you to go inside the dining room and wait for me. What are you doing standing outside here?" Maria questioned me.

I licked my lips before answering to her.

"Nothing. I ... I was, I was just - waiting for you." I answered her, trying hard to sound casual. Before Maria could comment on my weird answer and question something logical, I hurried to her side and took both of the bowls from her. Right, when I turned around, Jasper appeared in front of the door.

"What's happening here?" He asked, looking half dazed.

I froze just at the sight of him. I was not expecting him to come out or even more to see him at all, even though I knew I would. His eyes met mine and I saw it.

A flicker. In and out of eyes.

A flicker that held every memory from last night. In a single flash, everything passed his eyes. The whole night replayed in that one flicker.

We both locked eyes once and then it was like both of us were unable to tear our gaze from each other. Subconsciously, I realised that I had stopped breathing. And yet, I could not bring myself to breathe. I can't seem to tear my eyes from his. It was as if I was frozen or paralysed.

Jasper was the first to tear his gaze away from me. I saw his jaw clench and his whole exterior tense. It was as if he had forced himself to tear his gaze away. And it might have been really hard for him to do that. Which seemed true, since I was still unable to look away and was still looking at his face.

"Ava was waiting for me outside. Even though I told her to go inside the dining room and sit down." Maria replied to Jasper's question, making me embarrassed. My eyes moved to look at the ground.

She literally told him everything. Everything. I knew that it would not take Jasper seconds to figure out the real reason, about why I was waiting outside and walking in to take a seat. The real reason that I was trying to avoid him at all cost was by pretending to be waiting for Maria.

I felt shame crept in me at an impossible speed.

Why did Maria have to answer him? Why couldn't she just ask to not wait here and go inside?

I raised my head and met Jasper's face and I saw his face shifting to realisation. He knew that I was standing outside knowing he was inside, so that I did not have to face him. He knew that last night was fresh in my head and that I was not taking it as casually as he was. Now, he knew that I was ashamed or at least embarrassed about the last night or more specifically, that I remembered last night.

"Ava, watch it. You are tilting the bowls in your hand and they will fall." Maria warned me, jerking me from my own bubble. My eyes took in my hand and I realised that she was right. Maria walked closer to me and took a bowl from my hand.

Maria jerked her chin towards the entrance.

"Let's go inside. Or else both of you will get late." She suggested before making her way to the door. Maria murmured something to herself while moving away. With a last glance in Jasper's direction, I followed her.