Chapter 62: Chapter 62

Chapter Sixty - Two

Ava's POV

I woke up to find myself alone on my bed. Completely alone and disheveled in my room. With no sign of Jasper. I was aware of it even before I opened my eyes, knew it even before I felt it, but the reality hit hard.

He was gone.

Even though I was not sure, I had this gut feeling that bugged me over and over again and now it proved itself to be right.

Letting out a sigh, I rolled to my side. Not disappointed to see him gone but not pleased either. All in all, I was feeling nothing. It was like I expected him to leave in the morning but still did not want him gone. However, now that he was not here, I was suddenly left feeling alone but not hollow.

Weird thoughts filled my head when I began contemplating the fact even if it happened?

Did it happen last night or was it just me imagining things? Did we really do it?

I shook my head and pushed myself into a seated position. My hair was untied and thus, when I sat up they fell down from my shoulder. In fact, they fell all over. I ran my hand through them and pushed them to the side. Letting out a deep sigh.

I glanced down and realised that I was wearing Jasper's t - shirt.

One that he wore last night.

Proved. Last night was not something of my imagination. I had not made it in my head.

My gaze sweeped all over the floor and around the room. All of his clothes, that last night was thrown on the ground in a rush, were gone too. Probably with him. No, certainly with him.

I did not even close my eyes but last night scenes filled my vision. Last night was a series of rush actions. It was a night of frantically grabbing hands, it was a night of passionate movements, a night of breathing into each other and feeling each other in the most intimate ways. It was a night of desperation and it was a night of high.

A high of getting off each other and pleasing one another.

And more specifically, giving each other the most memorable time.

I knew it was that because it was for me.

Out of nowhere, I realised my lungs were burning, they were literally on fire. And then I realised that I was not breathing. Without even realising, I had stopped breathing. Reliving the moments with my breath held tightly. Opening my mouth, I gulped in as much air I could muster. I was so lost in last night's memories that I had forgotten about breathing.

The burning of my lungs brought me back to reality.

And I was glad.

My eyes returned to my room and took in my surroundings.

The bedsheets and blankets were crumpled on the bed, one that I was currently residing at. My robe was still on the ground. Left where it was thrown last night. It was not me who got it off of me, and it certainly was not me who tore a little from the side because I got too desperate. All pillows that were last night were on my bed, now laid on the ground. They were thrown where they were right now, although I did not remember who did it. Me or him. Probably both of us.

I bent down and picked up a pillow that was lying on the side of the bed, not too far away from it. I brought that pillow closer to my nose and pressed my face into it.

I took a deep breath.

I could smell him on the pillow. It was like his skin's smell was embedded in my nose, like my mind had memorised his smell. It was like a hit of drugs, making me hazy and high. This smell was addicting, attracting, it was one of those smells that you could not help but feel intoxicated with.

And I could still smell him.

His smell was still very evident, still very present inside the room. I could feel him on the bed sheets, blankets, over my pillow, in the air of the house and more importantly on me. His smell had a direct connection to how his skin tasted. Like ones most tasted flavour of ice - cream. As if, a human's favorite meal.

A taste that you taste once and get hooked with forever in life.

An exhilarating and addicting taste.

One thing that smelled like him the most was me.

I could still smell him on me.

I swallowed hard, trying to reign in my thoughts and emotions. This was not something I should have thought about. However, like always, my mind got the better of me and I got more invested in thinking than I should have left myself to think about.

Last night could easily be considered a mistake. A mistake made by both of us. Both let yourself go with our emotions. But it did nothing to justify that Jasper just cheated on Charlotte with me.

He had slept with me fully knowing that he was committed with someone else, and yet he still went with the flow. He Was to blame for it.And I was not any less at fault than he was. In fact, I was just as guilty as he was. I knew that he was already in a relationship. And yet I did what I did. To my utter regret and shame, I had wanted it. I still wanted it.

Although, I was well aware of the fact that what we did to Charlotte was so wrong. So, so wrong. Both of them played with her feelings. It was not just the fact that we hooked up but more of the fact that we both had wanted it.

Desperately.

And both of us were sober and in our right mind, so we could not even blame it on booze or something else.

Finally getting a little grasp of the reality of the situation, on what both of them had done, and how wrong it was, I began feeling like a culprit. Which I was. Now the guilt was coming to me at full charge although I did not let myself ponder on the matter too much.

I stood up from my bed and straightened things out. I made my bed, folded my blankets. Picking up all the pillows from the ground, I gave it a rough pad, dusting all the dirt from it and then placed it carefully on the bed. I placed my hand on my forehead and checked my temperature. I was not feeling any fever or feeling any weakness. I was all well and feeling great. There was no sign of any haziness or fuzziness. My head was clear without any throbbing.

Maybe it was because I had slept like a baby last night. And it had worked magic on me or perhaps it was ...

Walking over to my cabinet, I pulled out a pair of clothes and then went inside the bathroom to change into them. I came out and prepared for another day at the office. I was not sure if Jasper would go with me today or not.

I wondered if Maria and Mark had returned from their day off or not. Probably, they had but I was not sure. If Maria had returned then why had not she come upstairs to wake me or more, why were there any sound of movements around the house. Well, I could not hear much from upstairs anyway but still I would like to think about it.

Now that I think about it, it was good that Maria was not home yesterday. Because if she was here yesterday then ...

Gosh, I did not want to imagine that. But since I knew for a fact that she usually was asleep in her room that was separated from the rest of the house, then I guess it would not have been that bad.

Anyway, after dressing up and putting on my make - up I walked downstairs. I took quiet and deliberate steps as I walked downstairs. Very aware and alert of any sound that I might hear. Right when I stepped on the floor, I heard no noise from the room that was right down where my room was. There was not any movement and I realised that Jasper was not there.

It was like a weight being lifted off my shoulder on the other hand I felt a weight settling on my heart. I did not know which one was worse. Being relieved by not having him here or feeling an foreign ache by not seeing him here. All I knew was that I was expecting to see him here for some reason. Maybe it was a wistful thinking from my side. Wistful and stupid at the same time.

Abruptly, my mind filled with the most unreasonable questions and doubts.

Did he leave? Was he going to try and avoid me? Or was he already avoiding me? Did he regret what he had done? Was he going to blame me for it? Was he going to blame me for seducing him? After all, it was me who closed the distance between us last night. I was the one who kissed first. And I was the one to lead it to where it had been taken? But, he had been a willing partner in everything we had done. Then, how was only I to blame?

Were things going to be different now after what we had done?

The answer to that question was yes. I knew that but even being aware of that made me self aware.

Sighing, I proceeded to move on in the direction of the kitchen. If Jasper had left already and Maria had not returned, then I was the one who had to manage something to make from all the available in the kitchen. Also, I was hoping that I will find something there. Something that could serve as a breakfast and I would not need to make something for myself.

As I was closing on in the kitchen, I heard some pattering sound coming from it. Great, Maria was here. She would make me something. Literally anything. I was ready to eat anything as long as it was edible. I was really hungry and was not really choosy at all at the moment. I was not a picky eater anyway but still.

Almost near the kitchen, when I smelt an amazing smell. It had a delicious smell. Coming from a food that certainly would taste like heaven if I could tell anything from the smell. It forced me to close my eyes and I inhaled it deeply.

So ... good.

I walked inside the kitchen, with my eyes still closed and a bright smile adoring my features. Inhaling, I opened my eyes and saw her.

Maria.

"Maria." I said out loud, just in time for her to turn around and face me. The moment she spun around, I was engulfed in a bear hug. For a second, she seemed surprised, but then her arms came around me and she hugged me back. After a few seconds, we pulled apart, smiling at each other.

"When did you come home?" I asked her.

"You did not even tell me before you left. I was so sad." I accused her, making a pouty face. Which, I was sure, looked like a five years old.

Not so sad. Since you enjoyed last night alone with Jasper.

A voice called out to me yesterday.

Embarrassment and shame hit me. And so did guilt. Because I knew what the voice had just told me was true. I enjoyed the last night alone with Jasper. If Maria would have been here last night ...

"Sorry, dear. I forgot to tell you. I was in a hurry. But I informed Jasper about it. Didn't he tell you?" She asked, a brow creased.

Of course, he did tell me. But still.

Jasper's name sobered up my mood and brought me back to reality.

I cleared my throat.

"Uh ... yes. Yes, he did." I replied to Maria.

"But ..." I started but was cut off by the next words of Maria.

"Now, let's not talk about me. We can talk later." She said, cutting me off.

"Go. Go and wait for me in the dining room. Sir is waiting for you. He told me that he had an early morning meeting and hurried up with breakfast. He is going to drop you off too." She told me and gave me a little push towards the door.

"Go, hurry. He must be waiting for you." She told me, already turning around to get back to work.

I obliged and left the kitchen.

He must be waiting for me ...

That was what I was worried about.