Chapter 59: Chapter 59

Blade just held my hand while he just stroked it. Then he looked at me, and I still don't know if I can say it now or even have the courage to do so. We were quiet but he wasn't angry with me. He didn't shout at me or force me to say that even though I knew he was curious.

He was just waiting next to me, hugging me, and of course he was willing to accept all the resentment he could get from what I said. I was just looking at him and realizing if another man was with me now, would I feel the same way?

If Blade wasn't my partner, would everyone be miserable or would I never experience this kind of love? During the time I've been with Blade, I've only just felt my heartbeat, loud and clear. I get butterflies when I think about it. He will be with me for life and even have a child on our own.

I took a deep breath and Blade arranged his seat to face me.

"Are you sure you won't be angry?" I was worried about asking him.

"Of course, but are you really comfortable talking or just some other time?" he asked me.

I can't keep quiet and I also don't know what to do. I'm just thinking of two possibilities: it's either accumulate it and I can't really say it, or it might lead to a much worse scenario, like he finds out from others and then says something else, but what do I remember? It's not like I cheated or something.

"I've been visiting Eunice without you knowing, and I'm running away making excuses because I can't."

"My conscience"

Your conscience."

I looked at him and he just looked at me expressionless, so I just continued my story and I got a feeling that he really knew he wasn't just talking

"I've been doing things for him because I feel so guilty about what he did." I said sadly to him but he was just looking at me. Then I took another deep breath and then he caressed the top of my hand that he was holding using his other hand.

You're right. I shouldn't have bothered in the first place. I should have just let it go, and the visit and deed I did was enough, because it's not my fault. It's just that I feel more sympathy for him because I blame myself for what happened to her. " He nodded as he listened.

I don't know how I'm going to feel. I feel like he doesn't really understand me and he hears but he doesn't listen, but I just continued to let go of the weight I feel inside me.

"She let me do something in her favor. Remember what I told you yesterday that I would meet Karla and Clarize?" I asked her and she nodded.

"We didn't go yesterday and I just excused that we could go because I wanted to go to Eunice. I've been receiving nasty messages from her, and how can she blame us for what happened to her? While we're in Paris, I can't get her out of my mind. I also don't know if I'm too kind or if I'm abusing myself." I kept saying to him, and I took a deep breath to replenish the air in my lungs before leaning back on the sofa.

I placed my hands on my face because I was embarrassed by what I said. Then I just looked at the height of the ceiling.

I'm sorry if I lied. I'm sorry for deceiving you and not telling you the truth. I'm just scared because maybe later you'll get angry again like the last time we visited there, so I'm really sorry. " I told him

And there was a moment of silence and I didn't know what to do. I went crazy knowing that I said everything was with him and there was no turning back. I'll just wait for his reaction. I closed my eyes shut while looking at the ceiling, thinking of possible words and scenarios that Blade could have said or done when he found out. We were both still and no one spoke. All of a sudden, he leaned back like I did and faced me

"Are you okay? Have you said everything yet?" He asked me, and I took a deep breath and nodded my head. Then he faced me.

"It's alright and there is nothing to forgive; before you even told me, I already knew what you were doing." He said and flicked my nose lightly.

"Huh? You're not mad at me? " I asked her

I was confused, because the size of my sin or I was just overreacting, so I thought it was too much for me, but for me it was really too big a sin then, especially since I had been keeping secrets from him that I shouldn't have.

"Why shouldn't I be angry?"

"Because I lied to you." I said this to her and I was almost crying because I really don't know how I feel.

This might have a lot of impact on him. Maybe later he will think that I am lying to him about everything and might end up tarnishing his mental health. So I am very scared and worried about the possible effect of my actions.

"Aw, don't cry love," he says.

I didn't know that I was already crying and he pulled closer for a hug, so I just cried more and said, with a shaky voice,

I'm really sorry Blade. I didn't mean to and I have no intention of fooling you.

"I'm really sorry." I said to him while he was wiping the tears running down my cheek and he pulled the hairs that were blocking my face to the back of my ear and he shook his head and said

"I know you just did that for your inner peace, so no problem."

"I love you, Alessia, no matter what happens, as long as you love me too, because if you love me, we won't have any problems."

But if something like that happens again, please tell me as long as you're comfortable.

You're not alone anymore, because you have me, Alessia.