Chapter 45: Chapter 45

CHAPTER FORTY FIVE

RYKER

For the first time in forever, I tried

desperately to get away from Roxanne. Yes someone could call me an idiot or a weakling but it was a bloodmoon and her scent was everywhere, dangerously. Vanilla and chocolate– it invaded my senses and I regretted asking her to come outside today.

My heart throbbed in palpitation and I could feel myself losing it. Losing my self control. I followed her scent to the far end of the beach. And there she was looking beautiful as she always did and she kept a perfect distance from the sea.

“Hi,” she called, waving her hands. “Is it wrong if I want to stay as far as possible from the water?”

“No, it's fine,” I said as I tried to calm my breath while I approached her.

She beamed at me, looking so pretty in that dress that left so little to my imagination. It was skimpy, perhaps an inch or two past her butt and it shimmered under the dark glow of the moon. Her hair was wild and free as always and she was barefoot too– as always.

She blushed when she caught me staring at her and pulled the jacket close to herself. “Um, it wasn't my idea. The dress thing.”

Oh fuck I didn't care if it was or not. All I cared about was how good she looked tonight.

“You look-” I trailed off so she wouldn't think I was an idiot. “Amazing.”

“You think so,” she said, taking a slow spin.

I nodded. “As long as you wore it for you, it's perfect.”

She grinned. “It's hot. I can't explain it but it's really hot. Perhaps from the whole wolfing out thing,” then she glared at me. “You didn't shift?”

I swallowed. “Not yet.”

She neared me and I unconsciously took a step back. She seemed to have gotten the wrong impression because she looked hurt and then straightened her face. “Personal space, I always forget.”

“No,” I said hastily. “I mean yeah, right.”

What was wrong with me? Why did I say yes? I mean I did have a thing with boundaries but I stepped away because her scent was too powerful. It was in the air and it stirred something within me. Something I was terrified of.

She grinned and nudged me in the arm playfully. “It's okay. I can be really edgy sometimes, too.”

I clenched my fists tightly. My nails were digging deep and hurting. I needed a distraction. From Roxanne. I needed to stop looking at how perfect her lips were, so full and perfectly shaped. And her eyes were so adorable and her body- I shouldn't even go there.

“I… I ” I stopped. Why was I faltering?

Roxanne stepped closer, forgetting our not-so-long talk about personal space, a minute ago. She reached out and touched my cheek with her hands. “Are you okay, Alpha Ryker?”

“Yeah, I'm fine,” I said firmly or so I thought. I placed my hands over hers, ready to yank it away but I couldn't.

It was almost like I wanted to get away from her, yet I wanted her so close.

She searched my eyes with hers and her lips parted. I couldn't help but stare at them when her tongue flicked out and she licked her bottom lip. Just that simple move made my penis shift.

“You've been breathing hard and heavily and you're stuttering. Are you sure you're okay?”

I nodded and removed her hand from my face, her temperature burned into my skin, stirring emotions I didn't realize I had.

“The stars are beautiful tonight,” she said with a smile on her face as she gazed into the sky. “I hardly have fun, Ryker. Tonight I want to experience rather than talk.”

I gulped. “Experience what?”

She turned around to face me.“life,” she said softly. “Everytime we talk, we end up arguing.”

We sat on the sand and gazed at the line where the sky met the sea. I stared at her beautiful long legs stretched out. “You do seem like you've had a lot of experience.”

She smiled. “Nope. Just a lot of connection with nature. I've not really lived and it makes me selfish because I want more. I want to live more and explore more.”

“You can,” I said. “You have a lot of time. It doesn't work that way for me. It's the pack first, before the Alpha.”

She nodded knowingly. “I wonder what it's like to shift.”

“It's exciting but painful and although no one talks about it, you feel sore after returning to your human self.”

She stared at me with big eyes. “Really? How?”

“You hear your bones crack when you shift because you're going from a human to an animal and then you tire yourself out without knowing because of your wolf energy, until you turn human again and then you feel sore and exhausted.”

“I'm used to that feeling already,” she said and picked up a seashell. “The pain of being human is crazy, but I don't think it should hurt that much anymore.”

I smiled. “Wait till you get your wolf, then you'll find out.”

Her eyes reflected fear as she stared at me. “What if I never get her?”

“You will. Someday.”

And maybe then, you'll know I'm your mate. Hopefully, it's not too late.

We sat in silence, listening to the sound of the sea and talking about anything and everything. She fixed her eyes on the sea, staring at it longingly as though she wanted to dive in.

“Do you want to go into the water?” I asked.

She shook her head vigorously. “No, it scares me.”

“The water?”

“Yes,” she muttered.

Water scared her? I wanted to know why but I didn't push. I knew Roxanne was a chatterbox so I would wait. Till when she's ready.

“I've got thirty minutes,” I said to her.

She stared up at me with innocent eyes. “Err, okay. I thought it was the whole night.”

“I have to shift,” I said. “And I do not want to do that in front of you.”

“I won't be scared but yeah, that's okay,” she said, pulling the jacket tighter now.

A low rumbling sound caught my attention and I stared at her. She blushed as she wrapped her arms around her stomach but it only grew louder.

“Shit,” she muttered to herself.

“You're hungry, yeah?”

“No,” she said and looked at me shyly. “I promise I ate but–” rumble. “This is so embarrassing.”

I slowly took her hands and led her to the bench, loving how small and slim her hands looked in my big ones. Her eyes gleamed when she saw the food tray and she clapped her hands together. “There's food,” she squealed.

I nodded. “Did you think I will keep you outside without food?”

She grinned at me. “I'm trying to be ladylike right now and using every ounce of willpower to stop myself from taking one of these cookies right now.”

“Ladylike? All of a sudden.”

She shrugged. “It's a date, right?”

“Yeah,” I said, looking into her eyes. “Are you trying to impress me?”

She grinned. “You know I wouldn't be right? I don't like you, so why would I impress you? I just need to be mindful of my matters.”

I leaned in closely. “I like you better when you're yourself.”

“I can't believe I'm nervous. Sharing a meal is making me freak out. You know, I like to be free with my food. I like it messy sometimes.”

-It's just food not sex, calm your horny ass down.

Dante the asshole.

“It's okay. Just be you and pretend I'm not here,” I suggested.

She grinned and reached for a cookie and bit into it. She closed her eyes and moaned and that's when I knew how horny I was. It was only a sound, why did I jump?

“You should taste it,” Roxanne said and pressed a cookie to my lips.

“No, don't,” I said,stopping her. “I don't have a sweet tooth.”

“You have to,” Roxanne said, giving me that puppy eye that made me lose my senses and do whatever she wanted.

I shook my head, “Not working.”

“Please,”she said and leaned in closely. So close I could inhale that intoxicating scent of hers.

Why didn't anyone tell me mate scent was stronger during the blood moon?

After much persuasion, I finally gave in. I bit into the cookies and it really did taste good. Roxanne grinned. She looked pleased.

“Do you find sending letters to significant others cute?” She asked, out of the blues.

I shrugged. “I don't know if letters are cute. The only letters I've ever sent out are about meetings and they're to the Alphas, not women.”

She sipped her milkshake or whatsoever they had called it. “I would like to get letters someday. Even if it's about a pack meeting.”

“Not a man?”

She shrugged. “I don't know but men and I don't connect. The first letter I got from a guy he told me he wanted to be the snot in my nose.”

“That's disgusting,” I said. “I don't know how to flirt but that's really awkward.”

She grinned. “Perhaps I may write you letters someday.”

I leaned back in my chair and watched her. “I won't write back,” I said. “I'll rather see you in person than send letters.”

She waved it off and poked me in the chest with her nail. “You're only saying that because you, my Alpha, don't want to be romantic.”

“You think?”

Roxanne shifted closely to me and took off her jacket. She pressed her warm skin to mine, making me needy. My heart thumped loudly. I hoped I was the only one who could hear it.

She placed her hands on my jaw and looked into my eyes with her sexy eyes. I bit my tongue to keep from burying my nose into the curve of her neck and inhaling her every scent.

I put my hands on hers and pushed her away, careful not to hurt her. “Wait. Why are you avoiding me, Alpha? You've been running.”

Because if you come near me and my wolf takes over I will rip off your dress and do things I'm not supposed to.

I got up, “Nothing. I think I'm full now.”

The space was small and Roxanne pressed herself against me and I could feel all of her, her chest– her hips, all. I didn't understand what was going on. Could she feel that I wanted her– needed her badly tonight?

The heat from her body and mine were apparent and her eyes were suddenly– blue? What was happening?

I tried to escape from her scent. I don't know how she did it but I couldn't move.

“I'm hot,” she muttered. “Very hot. So hot I feel like I'm burning.”

Roxanne was in the heat. I was getting dizzy. She took me by surprise when she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my jaw.

“Stop,” I growled.

But it seemed as though she wasn't hearing a thing. She caressed my face and I could heat my breaths coming in quick pants. Was Roxanne making a move on me?

“Kiss me,” she whispered, staring into my eyes with her foreign blue ones.

I gulped, trying to ignore her kisses on my jaw and neck but her scent and dominance drove me insane. She traced her fingers from my ear to my collarbone. “Please kiss me,” she begged.

I groaned as I gazed into her now Hazel eyes that were dark with lust. Hearing her beg woke my wolf but I tried to suppress it all, wondering how her subtle touch did so much.

I jumped when I felt her fingers caress my erection which pressed on her stomach. This was heading nowhere good.

-Take her

Dante was out and I couldn't stop him. I lifted her and placed her on top of the table, my hands teasing and kneading her buttocks. Her legs wrapped around my waist while I pressed kisses on her neck on her spot– she had no wolf yet.

She shuddered as my hands explored her body, careful not to touch her intimate parts because I knew when the heat was over, we would regret it.

Without hesitating, I rubbed my lips against hers and her lips parted, inviting me in. I took her lips in mine– she tasted divine and felt soft. My tongue invaded her mouth, exploring and tasting and she let me. Our tongues wrestled as her hands explored my chest while I buried mine in her hair, pulling her closer.

I couldn't stop as her hand traveled down to my election, carresing it from the outside. We were breathing heavily now. Her hands found my belt but I stopped her, ending the kiss in the process.

She stared at me with confusion in her eyes. “You don't want to do this?”

“Yes,” I said, withdrawing from her. I glanced at her lips– they were swollen but I still had the need to press mine against hers.

But I stopped myself. Our kiss had been terrific, wild and intense but if we continued, we were going to regret it.

We sat in silence for a while. I tried to wrap my head around what had happened but I couldn't.

“Alpha,” Roxanne called.

“Yeah?”

“I wanted it. That's why I asked you to kiss me. I wasn't under the influence of anything.”

“Thankfully,” I said and turned to face her.

“Alpha,” she said again.

I arched my brow in response.

“Beta Miles doesn't know you killed his father. Did you know his mother died because of his father's death?”

I gripped the edge of the bench, trying to steady myself. “Not a word about it Roxanne. Anyone could hear.”

“Why did you lie?” She pressed.

“I don't want to talk about it,” I said, getting on my feet but she wouldn't stop ranting.

“You should have told him the truth. Was that why you made him Beta? Because you felt guilty? Fuck–”

“Enough,” I yelled, gripping her roughly by the arm. “Stop talking like a high-school student. It's real life, everyone fucking dies. Was I supposed to tell him ‘sorry I killed your father?’ would it bring back his dad, no!”

She yanked her hands from mine and stared at me teary eyed. “You're a monster Ryker and from the depth of my heart, I wish I never met you. I hate you.”

Her words were like a dagger through my heart. I wanted to pull her in my arms and wipe her tears and tell her how sorry I was but I didn't stop her as she ran from me, into the dark of the night.