Chapter 43: Chapter 43

CHAPTER FORTY THREE

ROXANNE

As I settled in bed, sleep eluded me. Ryker’s revelation stirred a whirlwind of thoughts in my mind and now I knew he didn't have it easy either. He had been forced to be tough and now that he was grown, his struggles were hidden behind a facade of strength developed since childhood.

My thoughts drifted to his reaction when I expressed my desire to learn how to fight, how to kill. Deep down I knew that was all I wanted. I had felt a twinge of helplessness when he asked me to stab him and now I knew killing wasn't meant for everyone. It was an art but I was sure I could master it. With time.

If I could be so scared then why did my brother do it so naturally when we were young? Perhaps that was why he had walked away when he pushed me into the water.

***

The next day, I went to the library with Beta Miles to fetch some books since I was almost becoming furniture in my room and I was bored to death from doing the same routine of waking and staying in my bedroom. We went to the Pack's Library which surprisingly, had a lot of collections of different varieties.

As we browsed the shelves, my eyes lit up when we found the thriller section. I hastily picked books that were about murder, suicide and blood.

“There are other books Ma'am Roxanne, we could check them out,” Beta Miles said.

I shook my head as I took more books down from the shelves. “No, thanks. I've found my spot.”

Beta Miles nodded and watched with curious eyes. When I was done picking, I gathered an armful of books and proceeded to the Librarian to check them out, dismissing Beta Miles' offer to assist me.

When we were done, we headed to the Pack's house. “Thanks for coming with me,” I said to him.

“Anytime,” he said, then looked over my books. “Let me ask, why did you choose those books, Lady Roxanne?”

“They're my favorite genres. The plot twists and jump scares are amazing. They're thrilling to read and it keeps me going, but romance, it bores me to death.”

“I've never met a girl who enjoys murder mysteries. I thought that was for the men. But you seem like the type who could read such terrifying books and still sleep soundly,” he remarked.

I smiled knowingly.“Nice to meet you again.”

Beta Miles looked amused for a reason I didn't understand.

“Trust me, I would rather have a dragon than a mate.”

He gasped. “That's cruel you know.”

“I don't know but that's how romance makes me feel. It's cringe and they portray women as weak and helpless. They always need a man to come save them. I'm not that type,” I said.

“Have you killed someone before?” Beta Miles inquired.

I went silent. Did Ryker rat me out to his Beta? That question was so direct that it made my insides churn.

Or is he not in the know of my atrocities in the pack?

I shook my head.

“How about fighting? Can you fight?”

I shrugged. “I guess so, but the Alpha won't let me take training here.”

“Why?”

“I dunno.”

“Have you ever been in a life or death situation?” He asked.

I shuddered but kept my expression unreadable. “Let's just say I have a knack for survival.”

We finally got to the pack house. I was grateful because my arms were growing tired from the pile.

“How long will it take you to finish those? It appears like you emptied the whole library.”

I chuckled. “A week and if I'm bored to death, five days.”

“You remind me so much of my sister, She's like you when it comes to reading.”

My eyes lit up. “Really? Is she here though?”

“No. She's mated to some seer in blue moon and that's where she is now.”

“So do you see her sometimes? Did you get books with her as well?”

He smiled, “Yeah she comes around on special events and I send her books. She made me go to the library with her back then. Though I didn’t like the idea, I had no choice. She always wanted to borrow all the books in the library at once but I just don't get the fun.”

I smiled. “It's all the fake scenarios that go on in your head when you read that makes it fun. You feel like the main character and you get to be who you want— in your head.”

He sighed. “Doesn't sound like fun though.”

“And what do you think about birthdays?” Beta Miles asked

I shrugged. “They're boring. There's nothing special about them.”

“Huh?” He said. “I think they're amazing. My mate's birthday is in two weeks and I don't really know what to get her. Can you help me out?”

***

Trust me, I'd rather be thrown in that dungeon full of spiders than help Beta Miles suggest ideas for his stuck up Mate. In a way, they were a nice match.

Selina was definitely the man of the relationship and Beta Miles appeared to me like a soft girl, forced to be stuck in a man's body.

“Like I said, I'm not experienced in birthdays but I did learn how to plan events at my previous pack. So what theme would you like to go with? You know, pick a theme and a colour.”

“Her favourite colour is black,” he said.

Suits the devil! Oh shit I liked black too.

“A dark party will be perfect for someone with her personality but tell me, do we really have to do this?”

He sighed. “I have no idea, Roxanne. She's been talking about having a party since she's never had one since we mated.”

“But it's not necessary, is it?” I inquired.

Beta Miles shrugged and stared at me. “If it was just me, then fuck a candle. But it's her. It's a woman's thing.”

“I think I liked you better when you said it's her,” I said in disappointment. “It's not a woman's thing okay?”

He watched me for a while in silence. I glared at him. “What?”

“Roxanne,” he called my name softly. “What's your idea of a perfect birthday?”

“As long as there's a cake,” I said simply.

He shook his head. “That isn't a perfect birthday Roxy, we need more effort. Have you never had a party? Birthday party to be specific?”

A frown creased my forehead. “I don't know, Beta Miles. I told you I wasn't the right person to come to for ideas. I suck at things like this.”

He grabbed my hand before I could leave, “Please stay.”

“And suggest bullshit?”

“Trust me I will listen to the bullshit. I still have an external hour to spare.”

I smiled. “So you need company, not ideas for some birthday, right?”

He smirked. “Got me! But still, I need ideas.”

I sank in my chair.

He locked eyes with me, “have you ever had a birthday party before? Perhaps you could remember some events that happened and get ideas from it.”

“Maybe when I was younger I did. When my parents were alive perhaps but I can't remember ever having one. As an adult, my brother thought it pointless. So my birthday was really a regular day. No friends, no party, no letters or gifts and no cake. So do not judge me. The one time I ever received a cake, it was from some woman in the pack I think. I cried buckets but still never got to eat the cake for some reason I won't like to share.”

“That's crazy, I'm sorry,” he apologized.

I shrugged. “It's nothing, trust me. It's just a day anyway. So for me, a perfect birthday was one with a cake. I don't care if people show up, I see them everyday but not everyone gets cakes on their birthdays so if I got one, to me it was perfect enough.”

He nodded as if he understood. “I'm sorry. I hope I didn't upset you though?”

I shook my head and stared at the table. “Have you ever had birthdays?”

“Yeah,” he said. “When I was a kid and when my parents were alive.”

I tensed up. Did he say ‘were?’ I thought Ryker only talked about his father's death, he didn't mention Beta Miles’ mother being dead.

“Um, your parents are dead?” I inquired.

“Yeah,” he said. “I mean, there's hardly ever a kid with both parents nowadays.”

He was right.

“If it doesn't upset you, can I ask when they die or how? That's if you're okay with talking about it but if you're not, that's fine with me also.”

“That's okay,” he said. “I'm over it now, so no biggie. I think I was ten when my father died. He told me he was going on a trip and asked me what I wanted him to bring back and I told him everything I wanted. My dad really was that man that whenever he goes on a trip, just knows he's returning with exciting things and experiences.”

My lips curled into a smile. “I understand.”

“I didn't know that was going to be his final trip. I waited but my father never returned. Months later, I was told my father died in a war. And my mother, I don't think she could handle his loss so um, she died months later. So that was basically it.”

I swallowed, feeling nauseated. “Beta Miles, can I be excused?”

“Sure,” he said.

I forced myself to my bedroom and slowly locked the door. Beta Miles’ father didn't die in the war, he was killed by the Alpha. And if the Beta didn't know, it only meant one thing– Alpha Ryker didn't tell Beta Miles the truth. So also did Miles’ mother.