Chapter 33: Chapter 33

~ Julianna ~

This man is crazy. I watched him while having breakfast. I couldn’t deny the fact that he’s handsome but he’s just an asshole who forced me to do things. Then my eyes fell on his friend. Chris Winston. Not only a friend but also a cousin. Playboy… Winston men are really handsome but I feel like hitting both of them. I again looked at Ryan who was feeding Noel. He wasn’t even wearing his shirt. I wanted to look away from his body but I couldn’t because he has a god-like body, strong shoulders, chest, and his six-pack. Urghh I suddenly remembered how we had sex that night. He could crush my body with his strength. This man really had stamina when it comes to sex but it felt amazing with him that night. Wait... What am I thinking? Urghh NO... Stop it, Julianna… He’s an asshole, don’t forget that. Pervert.

Ryan clearly knew the way to make me stay. I’m happy because he let me spend time with my son but every time I remembered Noah. I just couldn’t… I looked at Ryan as I remembered how I waited for him. He even has the guts to come to my brother’s grave. I still couldn’t forget and I won’t forget what I lost because of this man.

“Mommy, you like daddy?” I came back to my senses as I heard my baby boy’s voice. Wait. What did he just ask? I looked at Noel and saw he was looking at me and Ryan also looked at me. Urghhh.

“I... No. I only like you” I let out a forceful smile as I bit my lower lip hard. Stop embarrassing yourself, Julianna.

“But daddy likes you, mommy. Am I correct daddy?” Noel looked at Ryan and asked with his big bright eyes. So cute and pretty.

“Of course, I like your mommy.” I looked at Ryan who was smirking at me. Pervert.

“See mommy he likes you so you should like him too” What? Why should I like him?

“Mommy also likes your daddy, Noel. Didn’t you see she was looking at daddy all the time” What the hell? I looked at the man who had just spoken. CHRIS WINSTON.

“Really? You were looking at me? So that’s why I felt someone’s gaze on me” Ryan sweetly smiled at me and said. Bastard.

“That’s good mommy” Noel giggled against Ryan and smiled. I looked at his smile and found myself getting attracted to it because Noah also had the same smile as him. Without arguing with these three men I nodded and continued eating.

I spent more than three hours with Noel while cuddling and laughing and finally he fell asleep. I hugged him and kissed his forehead as I closed my eyes. I couldn’t help but think about Noah. I had fun with Noel but I couldn’t forget Noah even for a second. I slowly got up from the bed and walked towards the balcony in Noel’s room. I could clearly see the whole area from there and it Was getting cold because winter is arriving. I sighed and hugged myself as I looked up at the sky. How am I supposed to leave? I can’t let go of Noel and leave him. I love him so much but I can’t stay here too and this Ryan is making things hard. I want to leave him but I can’t.

Part of my heart is already attracted to him and I just can’t betray myself but every time I remembered Noah I wanted to run away from Ryan. I let out a deep breath and decided to leave them because I don’t belong in their lives. I was just a surrogate and my presence will only cause more trouble for them. I couldn’t just leave both of them, Ryan has done wrong things to me but I just can’t leave him and my son too. My eyes filled with tears and I held them back without letting them roll down.

“Julianna..” I heard Ryan’s voice behind me and at the same time, he wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me from behind as he buried his face against my neck. I just didn’t want to push him away so I just stayed.

“Thinking about how to leave us?” I froze as I heard what he said. How did he even know that?

“I just guessed it and I think I’m correct” He let out a deep breath against my neck and kissed my neck.

“Can you bear to leave him, Juli?” My heart tightened as I heard him call me Juli. It was the name Noah gave me. I turned my head slightly and looked at Noel who was sleeping peacefully. He even told me before he fell asleep that he loves me so much.

“Can you?” I again heard Ryan’s voice as he turned me to face him. I looked up at him and saw he was staring at me.

“How am I supposed to stay here Ryan? You tell me. I can’t forget everything that happened and be with you. I just can’t..” I clutched the shirt that was hanging loosely on his body and asked him. I couldn’t hold my tears back because I remembered how helpless I was four years ago. I didn’t have anyone and I lost my brother and my son I gave birth to.

“I never knew Julianna. I’m sorry” What? He never knew? Did he just say sorry?

“You’re sorry for what?” I asked him and looked away from his eyes.

“I didn’t know Noah was your brother and I was fed by lies. I’m sorry” I couldn’t understand him. Why?

“I don’t understand what you’re saying” I again looked up at him and spoke.

“Julianna, listen to me, Is there anything that Noah left for me? He said he has something for me with you” My whole body froze. What did he just say? How? How does he even know? My vision blurred as I looked at him. Don’t tell me the man Noah mentioned is him…

“Was it you?” I asked him as he nodded and wiped my tears.

“How? How did you know him? He was waiting for you” I hit his chest as I sobbed. I controlled my sound because Noel was still sleeping.

“I lost him because of you Ryan. Because of your whole damn family. I slept with you because I wanted to see him living as a healthy and strong kid and not for the goddamn filthy money of your family” I spoke as I saw the way his eyes turned red.

“That wasn’t my fault Julianna. I didn’t know any of these. I was told so many false things about you. I believed what I heard like a bloody idiot and lost things that important to me”

“I’m sorry. Please. Just don’t leave me again. Don’t leave Noel. I.. I’ll marry you and legally make you my wife and Noel’s mother. We’ll stay together okay?” He kissed my forehead and wiped my tears.

“I’ll just give you everything Julianna. You just only have to stay with me and Noel” I looked at his red eyes and sighed as I rested my forehead against his chest.

“Let’s be a family okay?” He kissed my head and hugged me so tightly. I just couldn’t understand anything he was telling me. Emotions surged into me as I heard his words. How am I supposed to believe him? I looked up at him again as I sighed.