Chapter 48: Chapter 48

Contrary to what I thought, Valjerome hasn’t stopped bothering me in the past few days. Yes, he doesn't send me flowers or anything anymore but almost every time he has a chance to tease me around, he does, especially since he made it possible for my resignation letter to be effective immediately. The ending is that I spend most of the day with him when I don’t have a shoot or go-see.

"Please, Mommy. Let's go to the mall," Erom insisted.

I shut my eyes and massage my forehead. "Son, what are we going to do there? You still have a lot of toys,"

He pouted his lips and ran towards his Dad. "Daddy, please?" he begged.

Valjerome picked him up and gently pinched his nose. "Sure. I'll get the car ready," he said.

I was just slapped in the face and nailed. "Valjerome, stop spoiling Erom," I seriously said with a threat.

He looked at me innocently. "What? Spoiling? I'm going to the grocery store too so I'm going to the mall," he said with a shrug.

"Grocery your ass, Manang is the one who shops our groceries!" I exclaimed.

He averted his eyes. "Manang was... having a rheumatic attack, so I’ll be shopping for today" he excused.

"Seriously, Valjerome?" I raised an eyebrow.

What did he think of me? A kid who is just easy to fool?

He couldn't look at me anymore and turned away with my child. "Change your clothes, we'll go after 10 minutes," I heard him whispered to Erom.

"How about Mommy?" my son whispered back.

"Hello? People of the Philippines, you're only a few meters away from me. You should have lowered your voice, right?" I inserted sarcastically.

They turned to me at the same time. "Please, Mommy/ Please, Jazzie," they begged.

I just gasped for breath and did nothing more. I stood up from my seat and walked towards them. I took Erom from Valjerome and then secretly glared at him. He looked like a puppy who has committed a sin as he avoided my eyes.

"Get the car ready, we'll just get dressed," I said and then left while carrying my son.

"YOU looked cute, Mom," Erom said as I put him onto the bed.

I frowned at him.

He smiled at me then hugged me from my waist. "You are not hurting anymore," he whispered.

I processed what my son said for a while until I realized what he was referring to. I slowly gulped and thought of the past few days that Valjerome and I had been together. I don't know how Erom said that, I also don't know if what he said was true. There is a part of me that agrees and half of it disagrees. I may be accepting everything slowly, but I still can’t be sure it won’t hurt anymore. Coincidentally, I never blamed Valjerome again because we never had a chance to be left alone together. During the times we were close we did nothing but quarrel, unlike before where we were always serious or quiet.

My attention was transferred to my ringing phone.  I took it out of the my pocket and sparingly smiled when I saw Chaos' name.

"Is that Papa?" usisa is Erom.

I nodded in response. My son quickly reached for the phone and then answered it.

"Papa!" he greeted me warmly. "Yes. I'm okay. Are you at work, Papa?" he said next, maybe Chaos greeted him.

I just shook my head while there was a smile on my lips. I couldn’t help but be silent with my son. He was still young but he already knew how to treat people equally. He still considered him as a father, like his own father. Nothing changed. He still has the same energy, the love and appreciation for Chaos.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me Erom.

My smile faded slowly when I thought about my other child. It still hurts every time I think of my countless what ifs but then I knew, my child is already in a good place.

"I'm sorry, Papa. We're going to the mall today, can we go there tomorrow?" Erom looked at me. "Mommy, can we go to Papa's company tomorrow?" he said and handed me the phone.

I smiled and nodded. "I have shoot for a magazine in the afternoon, Erom and I will pass by in the morning," I said to Chaos.

My son cheered happily. "Heard that Papa? We'll go there tomorrow. I miss you po!" he shouted.

Chaos chuckled on the line. "I miss you too," he uttered.

I just smiled and then went to the cabinet where our clothes are placed. "How are you?" I asked.

"Fine, still breathing although I'm missing you," he answered.

"Stop flattering," I said.

He let out a soft laughed. "So...you have a date?" he inquired.

I rolled my eyes. "It's not a date, Chaos. I'll just go with my son." I went back to Erom with clothes on my hand. "Are you...jealous?" I teased.

"Of course not," he replied immediately. "Why? Should I be jealous? Am I already a loser?" he mocked.

Even if it was a joke, I couldn't help but take it seriously. I couldn't say any words, not because he's right. But because I knew, something has changed. I...just couldn't point it out.

"Hey," Chaos grabbed my attention.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm putting clothes on Erom," I lied and then undressed my son with one hand. I didn't have a hard time because Erom helped voluntarily.

I heard Chaos let out a deep sigh. "Jazzie," he uttered.

"Y-Yes?" I stuttered.

I don't know why, but I felt guilty over nothing.

"Just be yourself. Like what I'd said back then, I will stay no matter what. Whether it's a friend or a lover," he stated. "Don't be afraid to decide on your own."

“I-I am not afraid,” I rebuked. "It's just...I'm just confused with some things," I admitted.

"You mean, with your feelings?" Chaos's direct question stopped me in action.

"Mommy, I'm getting cold," Erom said.

I cleared my throat and attended my son's need. "Chaos, we'll talk again later, okay. I am just…taking care of Erom," I said hesitantly and turned off the call.

I stared at the phone as I laid it on the bed. I want to slap myself for what I did. I immediately felt guilty for suddenly cutting off the call without even waiting for Chaos to answer. I don't know...it's just...I felt nervous with his question.

Why am I acting this way?

"YOU seem quiet" Valjerome whispered as we walked by the row of toy cars.

I stiffened and moved slightly away. Ever since we left the house I was ignoring him. I also haven’t cracked down on his teasing.

I shut my eyes when he came closer again.

"Are you mad? What did I do?" there was anxiety in his tone. "Was it because I let Erom go here?" he asked next.

Still, I didn't bother to answer him and put a little distance again.

I heard Valjerome groaned as I saw him ran his fingers through his long hair. "Damn. I'm sorry, okay? I just couldn't decline our son. Forgive me, baby," he sounded like a wounded lion.

I secretly bit my tongue and hurried to follow my son.

Did I hear it right?

Damn! Come back to your senses, Jazzie. You are acting like a mad woman.

Why is it that I can't look at him for a long time? After what my son has said and Chaos’s question, I couldn’t help but swallow in thinking. Every time I looked at my ex-husband, it made me wonder...are they right?

Am I already healed?

Did I already forgive him?

Am I bothered with my own feelings? What if I am, then why?

"Jazzie!" A strong arm pulled me suddenly.

In shock, I lost my balance and felt with the person who pulled me. My eyes widened when Valjerome's face was closed to mine. I slowly swallowed hard as I calmed my beating chest.

Due to our sudden fall, I am now on his top.

"Damn, baby. You almost got hit by a cart," he said hoarsely. "Are you okay?" he uttered worriedly.

"Y-your..." I trailed off and swallowed hard.

His forehead creased. "My what?" he asked.

"Y-Your thing…is...poking me."