Chapter 46: Chapter 46

"Daddy!" Erom squealed as he was playing around with Valjerome in the living room.

As my son requested, I let us stay in the mansion temporarily. I’ll admit it was hard for me but as I could see the overwhelming joy on his face, I gradually became relieved.

"Erom, son, you might stumble," I reminded him.

He didn't bother to answer me or even look back. I gasped and stared at my phone when it rang. I answered it immediately when I saw Chaos’ name on the screen.

"Where are you? Are you safe? How’s Erom?" he asked in succession.

"Daddy!" Erom shrieked when Valjerome caught him.

I hemmed and partially covered the phone. I then slowly stood up and distant myself from the two who was playing happily. Valjerome and I caught sight of each other for a moment, which I quickly avoided.

"Hmm, hello," I muttered again on the cellphone as I walked away. "I'm sorry, Chaos. Erom is... playing with..." I trailed off and shut my eyes tight. "Valjerome."

"Daddy?" he uttered, referring to what he just heard a while ago.

I never explained it in details but I know he has an idea of ​​what happened. I have never felt guilty for Chaos. Whether I have no intention to do so, in the situation we are facing, it looked like I was making him hope..

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely and then looked at the emptiness.

I am here now on the veranda, overlooking the vast land of my ex-husband.

"For what?" he asked.

I bit my lower lip and ran my fingers through the railings. "Because you're stuck in the situation. I gave you a chance, yet here I am, staying with my ex-husband."

"Jazzie," he started. "You don't have to be sorry because I understand you. You still have no reason to tell me, I already fully understand you. You're a mother. Of course, you will do anything for your child. Even in return for that, is your own happiness. "

I felt even guiltier when Chaos understood me. I breathed in deeply and then leaned on the baluster.

"Chaos ..." I murmured.

"Yes?" he answered quickly.

"Do you think it's worth it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You... doing this, all for me." I looked down on my feet. "I mean, there’s a lot of women out there, right now, who will want to be with you. No children, no trouble, there is certainty," I said.

"Why? Don’t I have a chance?"

I was caught off guard. I couldn’t answer right away even though I wanted to deny that.

I heard Chaos's weak laugh on the line. "Jazzie, you should always remember that whatever decision you make between the two of us, I will stay by your side with Erom. You don't have to decide based on pity or conscience. What I want is, if you become mine, that's because you love me. I know, that you are preventing to make me feel that I am expecting for nothing. Even now, Jazzie, I am telling you. You are not. I knew, the moment you decided to give me a chance, you are sincere towards me. "

Again I was speechless at what he said. Every word he uttered was full of comprehension, something I liked about him. Not even more than being a friend, but I appreciate him as he is.

"So, you'll stay there?" Chaos changed the topic.

I hummed and nodded my head. "Erom wanted to be with his father," I explained.

"Are you okay with it?" he asked.

I sighed and lifted my head. I was shocked to see Valjerome in the doorway. The two of us stared at each other. I don’t know if what I’m seeing is right or I’m just imagining it. His eyes seemed…grateful.

I slowly turned around and thought for a moment. "Maybe it's time to learn to accept everything," I whispered in response to Chaos.

"Just call me if you need anything. I'll be there," he assured.

I smiled sparingly. "Thank you, Chaos," I sincerely claimed.

"All right, then. I will drop the call. The two of you, always be careful. Just kiss him for me."

"You too. Keep safe always."

"I will." Then the call ended.

My grip on the phone tightened as I lowered it. I can still feel Valjerome's presence even though he's not close to me. A few seconds later I heard his footsteps approaching in my direction. Though alarmed, I tried to calm myself.

He stood beside me, half a meter away. We both looked around, waiting which one of us who will first break the silence.

"Thank you," he whispered, enough for me to hear.

I didn't look at him even though I focused my full attention on him.

"I don't expect Erom to even recognize me as his father. Thank you," he muttered again.

"I didn't tell him," I said emotionlessly.

I felt him looked at me.

"He knew it by himself based on the moments you two were together. Maybe...he just felt your fatherly love," I continued.

Silence enveloped us for a minute. Only the gentle sound of the wind mediated the noise between the two of us.

"Are you still mad at me? At my family?" he murmured.

I clenched my fist. I took a deep breath before turning to him.

"Yes, I am still angry," I replied.

Her eyes immediately dimmed. "I'm sorry," she said.

"But you know what's funny?" I tried to smile. "Despite my anger at you, at Tito Civor, I am still able to understand your reason." I averted my eyes again and held tight on the railings.

"It's heavy in my heart. It's my parents. Until now I am still thinking what would be the difference in my life in case they're still alive. I have a lot of what ifs." I forced a laugh. "You witnessed how jealous I was of our classmates back then who had a complete family, you saw how I cried every time I missed them. You were there, Valjerome."

"I know. That was why I understand you, Jazzie. On behalf of my father, I am sorry. Please let me make up for my shortcomings to you," he said begging..

I tried again to smile at nowhere. "For now on, just focus on Erom first. Don't bother to give me roses or foods anymore. Let me accept everything  without you not doing anything." Slowly, I glanced at him.

"Make up to your son. I am no longer your wife, Valjerome."