Chapter 42: Chapter 42

"Wow! Is this for me, Mommy?" my son asked in amazement and curiosity when we returned to the condo, referring to the teddy bear Valjerome had sent.

We just came home from Chaos' unit because we ate dinner there. Before I went to his condo, I first left these things here at home so I didn’t need to carry a lot.

I smiled raw, thinking of what should I answer to my son.

"Do you want it?" that's all I said instead of confirming who it was really for.

Erom nodded quickly and hugged the big teddy bear that was even bigger than him. I couldn't help but laugh softly.

"He is cute!" he exclaimed.

I raised an eyebrow and approached the sofa where he was sitting with the teddy bear. "He?" I asked. "How did you say that it is a man?" I added.

Erom smiled at me then pointed something on the collar part of the teddy bear. There is a blue ribbon in the design. He held it then presented it to me.

I blinked a few times when I read what is sewn there.

Hope you like him. -V

I have never seen that because I didn't pay much attention to the look of the toy. I was too focused on thinking about why he sent me a flower and a teddy bear. I don't want to assumes but he looks like he's courting and not asking for forgiveness.

I thought he was not asking for us to get back to each other?

"I will name him V!" Erom cheerfully uttered.

"What? No!" I immediately opposed.

My son looked at me in surprise. I wanted to tweak my hair in sudden objection.

"I-I mean...there are lots of good names, son. Are you sure about that?" I wondered, hoping his mind would change.

"But I want to give him that name, mom," Erom answered.

I just sighed deeply and then nodded in consent.

In the first place, Jazzie, why the hell, are you affected? His name is very far from V.

"Come on, Mommy. Let's go to bed, let's put V to sleep!" my son said with full of joy and then got off the sofa.

"What? Why would you keep him with us?" I pretested, pointing at the teddy bear.

My son stared at me again with astonishment on his face. He slowly crossed his small arm and twitched his mouth, seemingly wondering why I was making such reactions. I, on the other hand, looked away, like a child caught in a sin he had committed.

Damn, my prince. You look like your father.

I gulped. "W-who's V?" I cleared.

My son's forehead knotted. "Him." He pointed at the freaking teddy bear.

I don’t know if I’m going to breathe in relief because he’s referring to something else or annoyed because I’m thinking a different thing.

"I'm not. It's just...it’s furry. We might get cough," I whispered.

"Then why did you buy it?" Erom questioned again.

"I didn't buy it," I quickly replied too late to take ir back.

The astonishment on my son's face doubled. "Then who gave it?"

I bit my lower lip and looked away. "Y-your father," I stammered. I coughed for a moment to stabilize my voice. "I mean...your real father."

Whether I want to deny it or not, I know it is useless. I also want to start again and for me to do it, I also need to make my son understand the entire situation. I’m not the only one who needs to adjust. I’m not the only one who needs to know the truth. If I had to think about anything now, it should be my son and not about myself.

Erom didn't speak for a second. Later, he tried to carry the toy even though it was bigger than him.

"Did he send it to me?" he asked with hope in his tone.

I looked at him softly and shook my head slowly. Nothing yet is happening but I was already hurting for my son.

“He gave that to me as an apology gift, son,” I calmly explained. "But don't worry you can have it." I tried to smile to ease his heavy heart.

I saw Erom's shoulder drop in frustration with my answer.

"Is he...mad at me?" he asked in a whisper as he bowed.

"Son," I called softly and stood up to approach him.

I levelled at his height and slowly touched his face. "He's not, okay? It's just...there are just some things that are really hard to explain right now."

"How can you be so sure, that he's not mad, Mommy? He is giving you things but not to me," he said.

I bit my lip at the same time as my conscience started to tear off. "I know it because I could feel his love for you. He won't be able to get angry at you, son. Trust Mommy," I calmly swore.

"Then why isn't he looking for me? Aren’t…daddies supposed to look for their baby, right?"

I embraced my son when I saw his teary eyes. "I'm sorry, son. He's not doing it because...I forbid him."

"But why?" he murmured.

I hugged him even tighter. "Because I am afraid that I will lose you too," I emotionally responded.

I felt Erom let go of the toy he was holding and then hugged back to me. "Why are you afraid, Mommy? Will he hurt me too like what he did to Papa?" he whispered.

I could not answer my child. I could not answer his question because even I did not know the right answer. If then, I believed so strongly that he would hurt Erom when he found out my son was alive, now there is a part in me where I am confident that he won’t ever hurt him.

I slowly let go of our hug and then looked at him kindly. Once again, I gently held my son's face and lightly caressed it.

"Aren't you happy with your Papa, son?" I calmly inquired.

"I am happy with my Papa, Mommy," he answered, then slowly looked down on his toes. "But... I... also want to know him more, mom." He lifted his head and stared at me.

"Can you... please allow him to see me, Mommy?" He pleaded hopefully. "Please?"