Chapter 40: Chapter 40

"Hey, Jazzie!"

I flinched on my place when someone tapped my shoulder. "Ken! W-why?!" I asked as I turned my attention to him.

He frowned at me. "Is there any problem, Jazzie? I've noticed that you seem to be thinking about something deeply," he claimed.

I secretly bit my lower lip and continued wiping the window. "No! N-nothing, I...am just thinking of Erom.” I blurted out.

I just returned back to the hotel but here I am, wondering afar and unable to do my job properly. I was already cleaning the third suite and unfortunately the two rooms I have cleaned earlier are both not tidied quite well. I forgot to change the bedsheet in the first suite while I have forgone to clean the restroom of the second one. That is why now in third assigned suite to me, I already sought help from Ken so that I wouldn't forget anything else. I slowly heaved a sigh and looked again at the black car at the bottom of the building.

It's Valjerome's car.

I was almost consumed by nervousness the moment I saw his car parked before I entered the building. I even thought he had checked into the hotel but I didn’t see his name when I looked it up on the list. I even tried to find Jaime's name, assuming that it is what he used but nothing came out of the system either. I couldn't help but think that he was in his car.

If it is true that he is here...why did he come to me?

I spent almost an hour, thinking about why he was here. Does he want us to talk? To tease me? To beg? If one of these is his reason…

Why isn't he facing me?

"Are you sure? You've been wiping that window since then, Jazzie," Ken said.

I stopped what I was doing and shyly looked away. "I...I didn't notice," I lied again and moved to the other seat.

"Jazzie," Ken called to grab my attention.

I hesitated to look at him.

There was concern as he stared at me and then took a deep breath. "You've already cleaned that up," he informed.

I couldn't help but blush in embarrassment. I bit my lower lip and gently lowered the swab I was holding.

"I'm sorry, Ken. There’s something bugging me lately," I confessed and then walk towards the bed.

I sat down and massaged my aching forehead caused by too much thinking. Ken followed me and sat down next to me, I felt his soft tap on my shoulder then sat properly.

"You know, Jazzie. There are problems that even if they can't be solved. But when you tell  it others, it will lighten up your feelings," he claimed.

I just smiled and stared at nowhere. "I don't know how to decide..." I began.

I could feel Ken's attention focused on me but I didn't look at him.

"I have found out great revelations. Those are painful, sad and embarrassing facts. I no longer knew how to put it all into my head, I couldn't figure out where I should I go, if what would take care first; how I felt or how others felt. I feel like I am a very bad person when I'm angry, but I might be stupid if I just let it pass," I smiled bitterly as I thought about my situation and that of my ex-husband.

"We were both hurt, have lost someone, made the wrong decision. I wanted to measure the pain we have felt from the experiences we have been through but I knew that was wrong. It was never right for us to measure what we went through because I knew we had different levels of emotion, we have different limits. I want to understand his situation but...will they also understand if I can't do it now?" I claimed.

Silence enveloped the room. I don’t know what Ken was thinking of what I said but somehow there was a relief in my chest because I was able to say the things that were running around in my brain.

"You don't have to force yourself to forgive..." Ken said which caught my attention.

I slowly looked at him. He just stared at me and then turned his gaze to nothingness. He let out a smile before speaking again.

"That’s not the first thing you have to do. Because before you forgive, you have to accept everything that happened first. You have to accept the situation, the cause and the result, before you can truly forgive the person who has sinned against you,” he pointed out.

He slowly turned to me and then tapped me on the shoulder again. "There are some reasons that we will never be able to accept because we weren't the ones who are in their shoes by that time. But do not think you're wrong nor bad just because you can't accept everything. Like them, they were also not in your situation at the moments you were hurt, angry or whatever. "

I was completely frozen thinking about what he said. I understand Ken and what is he pointing out. He was right. I wasn’t in Valjerome’s situation nor his father’s during the times they had to do wrong. Although I know that their decision was difficult for them, I don't know how it feels because I have never been in such a situation.

I smiled sincerely at Ken. "Thank you, Ken! You're right, even if the problem I'm having is not yet solved, it feels lighter because I have told it to someone,” I said.

"No worries, Jazzie. That's what friends are for, isn't it? They're willing to listen to one’s problem even if it is always the same.”

I laughed for a moment and gently slapped his shoulder. "You’re weirdo, it's like you're saying I'm going to repeat that."

"I don’t know if you break up with your boyfriend, but you are fragile. You'll come back to him and then break up with him again and then come back again. Let us just chat, okay? So you can just backread my advices.”

Boyfriend?

I winced and stood up. "Alright, let's finish this cleaning up and you’ve been saying the word ‘then’ since earlier,” I said.

Ken looked at me badly and then stood up next. "Be thankful, Stacey is absent. Alas! She’ll be mad when she finds out that you asked me for help," he threatened.

I rolled my eyes and fixed my trolley. "Yeah right, I've been so scared, maybe about one million times," I said sarcastically.

"You should have extended your leave, Jazzie. About a year," Ken replied back.

I secretly smiled and pushed the trolley. "The hotel might lose one of its beautiful faces. What a pity for your eyes, all you will see are ugly."

His mouth parted because of my sudden show off. I took the opportunity to leave first the area.

"Hey, Jazzie! My Stacey is beautiful!" he shouted when I was a little farther away.

I turned around and raised an eyebrow, then pointed my face. "This is the definition of beauty, Ken. You must see a doctor for a check-up," I teased and then left him.

I was walking towards our staff lounge when I was stunned and frowned. It's normal for me to see Chaos, but the one next to him isn't. I just swallowed and continued walking.

Chaos greeted me first so I smiled sparingly. It was only then that I realized the things I had done because of my decision.

"You look tired," he commented to me.

"A little bit. Many guests have checked out," I explained.

He nodded and smiled. "Here, to restore your energy," he teased as he handed the bunch of red roses to me.

"Thank you. You didn’t have to" I sincerely whispered and secretly glanced at the man next to him. “Hmm... Do you need anything, Jaime?" I asked curiously.

He looked at Chaos for a moment and then approached me. "This is your lunch, Ma’am," he said while handing a paper bag in front of me.

I was stunned and stared at it for a few seconds before I awkwardly accepted it..

"Where did this come from?" effort I question.

I actually have an idea whom may it be, but I want to be sure of.

"From Señior Valjerome, Ma'am," Jaime replied.