Chapter 105: Chapter 105
“Whoo-hoo! Look at those birds! They’re flying over the sea!”
LENA’S POINT OF VIEW
I was laying at the beach in Cuba with my old friend Clare. “Damn, Lena! Cheer up, girl! I’m not here to seeing you like this!” Clare groans, she makes her way closer and sits next to me. “I know you just broke up, but we’re here to enjoy the day!” She sighs. “Look, I know you’re sad and I know your fucking ex or whatever just hurt you! But it doesn’t mean you should be sad or feel sorry for yourself for the rest of your life!” She ends.
“Huh…” I sigh as I point my gaze to the palm trees. “Am I a bad person? That’s why no one ever loves me?” I wonder as I keep pointing my gaze to the palm trees. Clare suddenly moves and facing me, she sits on my lounge. “Lena… you are the most wonderful person in this world, you’re generous, gorgeous, and the most loving person I’ve ever know in this world. If you said that nobody loves you, you're wrong! I love you! And I’ve always do”
“So, don’t ever think that no one ever loves you! I love you, Dmitri loves you, your mom loves you, we all love you! And if that woman did not love you and every single love she gave you was fake, so why you fucking care?! Fuck her, fuck her life, fuck the air she’s breathing! That woman… who you love the most, she doesn’t deserve you! She doesn’t even care about you! And she will never ever care about you, Lena…”
“You have to move on and let yourself flies like those birds…” Clare points her gaze to the birds. “Whoo-hoo! Look at those birds! They’re flying over the sea!” She points her index finger to the birds excitedly. I laugh softly when I see the birds, the birds playing around the beach's sky. Clare is my old friend, we met up when I was 20 at Cuba beach on my summer vacation with my mom. She is a nice local girl, and I’ve always hung out with her when I visit Cuba.
“You know what, Lena… you have to put yourself first then others” Clare ends. “I was so stupid and idiot” I scoff and sigh. “I can’t believe that woman who I love more than myself could fuck me up like this. Yeah, I am a drug dealer… I am a drug dealer” I scoff softly. “And she knew it, she’s fucking knew it!” I scoff. “Oh, and she said ‘I will never ever leave you Lena, no matter what’s your job is, because I love you and I want to be with you’…” I imitate Maia’s voice.
“Fuckkkkkkk! Fuck that woman!” I yaff like I want to spit on her. “She hurts me so fucking bad and leaves me, she fucking destroys me… and she leaves me when my mom died” I scoff. “But, still… I love her” I sigh. “Well, Lena. You have to move on… you have to forget her” Clare says. “Yeah, I am… and I tried, it’s almost five years I’m living in this place and out of the business, I leave everything and leave all jobs to Dmitri…” I respond.
“It’s good though you’re not running that business again, it’s a positive thing! You’re safe, you’re living your life and having fun… in Cuba with me and those birds above the sky” She chuckles. “Yeah, you’re right…” I heavily sigh. “Don’t think about her anymore… you deserve someone better, and you deserve love…” Clare smiles, she’s caressing my arm after. “How was your last visit?” Clare asks.
“Oh, I met my old friends, they were asking about Maia. Horrible isn’t it?” I scoff. “Huh… well” Clare sighs. “They were my old friends, they were worked in the same company as mine” I say. “But in fact, their boss was doing the same undercover business as mine…” I laugh softly. “She’s selling drugs! Hahahaha how stupid those people were! Being fooled by the massive company” I laugh.
“And you know what, my ex ‘Sasha’ keeps calling me and annoy me… that’s makes me insane, my head hurts because of her calls” I end. “Why don’t you change your number anyway?” Clare asks. “Mmmm if I change my number, I wouldn’t get any messages or calls from Maia…” I respond with a slight of grief in my voice. “Huh, so you’re hoping for Maia to calls you?” Clare asks with a raised brow.
“T-that’s not what I mean…” I reply in stutters. “B-but… yeah… I kind of missed hearing her voice” I say. “Have you got any messages or calls from her?” Clare asks. “Mmmm nope! Like what you said… she doesn’t care about me at all…” I sigh. “She doesn’t even ask or looking for me after we’re broke up, she left… and never to be seen again. I don’t even know where she is now” I say. “I kept my phone number so she can call or send me a message, but she doesn’t” I end.
“Look, you’re single… these women are single” Clare points her gaze to the women who sunbathing near us. “Why don’t you find one for you, to hook up or start a new relationship, maybe?” Clare says as she keeps looking around the spot. “Hehehe that’s a bad idea” I laugh softly. “Wow! Really?!” Clare chuckles. “Mmmm I don’t think that’s a bad idea” She ends. “Well thanks for the offer, but fuck no!” I laugh.
“Hmmmm well…” Claire hums, and moves to her lounge seat, landing her back to the seat after. “I never meet that woman, I mean your ex… but when you tell me about her, all stories she had with you was a really lovable, hilarious, and fucking sad ending adventure” Clare laughs softly as she points her gaze to the birds who fly above us. “And the cool thing is… I wish I could be her, I wish I could find someone lovable like you” Clare hums.
“Ho… oh! I didn’t mention that I wanted to date you!” She chuckles. “I mean, I want someone like you… generous, such a nice loving person, and of course… C.U.T.E!” Clare shook her head as she closes her eyes. “Hahaha no one ever says those cute words with dots to me” I laugh. “Hmmm well, so I’m the first one” Clare chuckles. “Seems like…” I say. “Hmmm so why don’t we’re not having fun in here and stops talking about everyone’s past!" Clare says.
“W-what do you mean?” I ask with a raised brow. Clare suddenly grabs the beach sand with her hand and throws the sand at me “Gotcha!” She throws the beach sand and running away from our lounge seat. “Oh, shit!” I mumble and up from my seat. “Okay… if this is what you wanted!” I chuckle and grab the beach sand, chasing Clare who runs away from me. “No… no… no… fuck! No… please” Clare shook her head.
“You have to learn how to runs fastly before you mess me…” I point the sand to Clare and about to throw it at her. “No… no… I’m done, I give up!” She says. “Ouch!” Clare yelps. I threw her with the beach sand. “Hahahahahahaha” We laugh and placing our ass on the sand at the seashore. “Huh… I’m so tired” Clare sighs as she wipes her forehead. “Me too…” I reply with a heavy breathe as I’m looking at the sky sea and see the birds fly around us.
“You know what, Clare… I’m glad that I have you as my friend” I say as I point my gaze at her. “I am so happy that I have you as my friend, Lena…” She replies with smiles on her face and a few giggles on it. “You know what… I think I will back to New York after I fully heal, it maybe needs a few more months before that happens” I say. “Sounds great!” Clare replies. “I want to heal myself and release myself from Maia before I back there…” I sigh.
“Yeah, you should…” Clare caresses my arm gently and sighs. “You have to forget her… you have to find another happiness for your life” Clare says. “But still, I have no idea why I keep loving her. I have no idea why I keep thinking about her, and that really hurts myself” I sigh, my face point at the ground. “I know Lena… I know how that’s feel, and I know how hard it is knowing someone who we loved the most is not able to be with us anymore”
“I know how that’s fucking feel…” Clare sighs. “B-but thanks Clare, you really helped me today, you bright my day!” I smile as I point my gaze at her. “Hehe, you’re welcome, babe!” She smiles as she caressing my arm. We spent the day at the beach and that’s how I wasted my five years after I broke up with Maia. I escaped to Cuba and leave everything behind, trying to forget her, but I couldn’t. It’s still in my heart, she still here, inside my heart and brain, till I’m here, in prison.
But God, she hurts me again, she hurt my feelings over and over again. Even though if I’m here in prison, she still finds a way to hurts me, I don’t want to talk to Maia anymore and I don’t want to destroy her new relationship with that Arabian prison fuck-buddy or dealing with her. The important thing is I will leave this place soon and I will never see Maia again. But the pain she just gave me, she have to feel my pain even worse.