Chapter 10: Chapter 10
I look into his eyes and bite my lip, “we are in a public place and ..."
"No one can see us, Marilí. Why don't you want to be with me yet?” I don't like his tone of voice. "It's been a damn year now and I can't believe that every time you leave me with my fucking cock aching with arousal." I frown, he is right but he mustn't talk to me like that.
"Change your words and lower your tone or not only will you have pain in your cock, I'm not ready for this." I look at him seriously although my heart is racing by seconds and guilt eats away at me in an incredible way, a burning in my stomach is created by the burden of conscience, I am nowhere near playing a very dirty trick on my boyfriend, “since we got together, we've been on something, right?" He nods in a bad mood. “Then, why do you despair?”
He runs his hand through his hair, “I am a man, Marilí, I feel and have needs, those that you do not attend to and you refuse to do so, remember it beautiful ... The one that has a store that does not attends it nor even sells from it will lose it.”
Hearing that saying removes all guilt and smiling, I look him in the eyes, "well, I'm selling it! What do you think? Why would you tell me something like that, I'm going to get hysterical and I'm going to fear that you're cheating on me.” A mocking laugh comes from my throat, “I don't need a man by my side to feel fulfilled, much less do I need to give myself to someone to feel loved, so do what seems best to you, but never ... Never! ... make me understand things, remember that I get them all.”
His gaze went wild, "I hate it when you put on a feminist plan." He roars at me.
"Ah no ... no my dear, this is not feminism. In other words, for a woman not to allow herself to be manipulated, she is already a feminist? Since when is self-love feminism? Do not confuse the things, not with me.” The breath from him is shaking, the sweetness completely drained from him.
“I am going out of here,” he muttered with a clenched jaw. Passing by the side I see him walk away from me, I close my eyes for a moment. Is it wrong that it is always like this? Should I consider changing my way of being? I question myself, I can be a determined person and I would never change my personality, but like any human being on many occasions I have doubts about myself and everything that surrounds me. Swallowing all my troubles and my confusions, I open my eyes and draw a smile on my face as usual to go to my friend. My smile is my best weapon, when I am angry, sad, tired, or whatever my mood is I smile, it works very well for me as a self-defense.
“What happened?” Carla asks before I could say anything.
"We've argued, is all."
My friend frowns, “seriously, what the hell are you doing with him?" She asks annoyed, “Marilí, you need an intelligent man just like you.” Here we go again. “Let him put you to the test and teach you more than you know, you must be with someone who every day makes you use everything you know and in that way see for yourself what you are capable of, you need someone who is respectful, curious, someone who is truly challenging, someone like Mr. Hamann.”
Hearing that last name made me choke on my beer, coughing, I try to recover quickly, “you're stupid, because of that idiot I argued with my boyfriend ... I don't know what the hell I'm doing.” I despair as I rarely do, "I should never have signed that damn contract."
My friend shakes me searchingly, “calm down or I'll slap you," she snaps at me in a bad mood. "What you do is for your mother and to have a better life. How can you say that you don't know what you're doing? Ian can give you a roll, but not money and that's what you need right now, stop the damn stupidity that seeing you like this fills me with impotence ...Are you going to sell your virginity? Well yes ... And do you know why? Because that is what all women should do not to suffer and regret less.” We look into each other's eyes, each one with the seriousness installed on her face, the truths that my friend has said helped me.
"You're right ... I have to do it for my mother, I'll see what I do with Ian." I have a sip of my beer. "Maybe I'll get him drunk the day I give in to him so he won't notice the difference."
My friend lets out a laugh and I accompany her, she raises her bottle, “to that prodigious mind you have." I hit her and we toast, drink the rest of my beer in one gulp.
"Now to enjoy to forget,” We asked for more beers and I forget about the world, I may not want to accept it but the discussion with my boyfriend does not affect me as much as knowing that in a few hours Mr. Hamann will be alone with me, the heat that runs through my body and is deposited in my sex every time I think of him is tremendous.
“Can you give me an advice?” My friend asked, looking at a boy who is a few tables away.
"Ok, do you want it honestly or politely?"
My friend looks at me right away, “you will be a bitch." She chuckles.
"I'm only asking to make it your responsibility and not mine if I offend you,” I raise my hands and show her my palms to remove all guilt.
"What would my life be like with that boy?" I follow her gaze and before me is a man a few years older than us, with a white complexion, black hair, bulging eyes, tall and with tattoos on his arms.
"He has a girlfriend, maybe he has children and he's a jerk, his way of dressing tells me that he works in construction and ... today is payday," I affirm, "he's with five of his colleagues and each pays a round, or so they are spending the money they may need for other, more important things. How do I deduce that he has a girlfriend and maybe children? Just look at the way he checks his cell phone and his friends make fun of him, the man makes everyone believe that he commands when things are not like that.” I look away and look at my friend. “The woman at the table next to theirs and her friend are looking at them, perhaps to take them to bed and rob them or simply to find someone to pay for their consumption." My friend looks at me and I smile. "You can go over, talk to him, and get pregnant by the way. It's great!" I say sarcastically and she giggles.
"I'm going to confirm what you've told me." I accept, my friend gets up and goes to the men, when she arrive they all greet her and seconds later they looked at me and look away immediately, I don't pay any more attention to them.
"Lenin ..." I call my friend. "Is the Disney batch ready?" I smile at her with amusement.
"Are you on point?" She asks back.
"We've had more than five buckets, we're like buckets," I laugh, "once Carla comes, you can put it on voucher?”
My friend winks at me, “for nothing in the world would I miss that show. The Lion King?”
"Oh ... Yes ... Hakuna Matata," I shrug my shoulders and my friend leaves laughing.
"You were wrong," says my friend sitting down. "He doesn't have children ... But he does have a girlfriend," she snorts. "How can you have such a good eye?"
I shrugged, "I guess I'm very observant, I don't know." I hear the chords of the song I asked for and I get up immediately, everyone is silent because of the ridiculous song that must be for them. "Hakuna Matata is a way of being ..." My friend laughs and I hold out my hand for her to stand up, we are already a bit drunk so shame went to the background, although that never exists in us.
"Hakuna Matata," she follows. "Nothing to ... fear ... without worrying is how you have to live ... To live like this ... I learned here ..."
“Hakuna Matata,” Smiling and singing as if we were little girls, we won all eyes. With a total drama we interpreted it and at the end the laughter and applause did not wait.
"Fuck you, you are crazy," my friend hugs me, "but I think we should stop now, I don't want you to lose your virginity drunk." She's right but I'm already drunk, it's for the best so I don't think too much when Mr. Hamann is preparing my body for him. I'm going to answer my friend but she shuts me up because of the song that starts. "Only Elsa will bring us back the summer." Laughing at our follies, I follow her.
“Summer?” I put Olaf's voice, “oh ... I don't know why but I always liked the idea of summer and the sun and hot things…” Without further ado we started to interpret, "Verano" from Frozen, the laugh we let out when we finished is accompanied by others, we are clowns when we have alcohol in our blood.
"Miss Cook." Hearing that voice leaves me in the act, I get up quickly.
"Hello ... you," I answered, drawing a crooked smile, I'm not well at all.
“It's time to go,” I look at the time and it's already 9:00 p.m., I didn't notice we were leaving that fast.
"How did you find me?” I ask narrowing my eyes.
The man clears his throat, “through your GPS."
I frown and when I took out my cell phone, it was actually on and I didn't even know about it. "Can I have a moment?" He nods and takes a few steps away, I look at my friend quite nervous. “Tell me what I should do, how I should behave, you have to advise me not to look like a fool in bed. “ The nervousness is noticeable, I was pretending normality but now the time has come, my heart is racing very fast.