Chapter 48: Chapter 48

~RACHEL POV’S

A soft moan escapes my lips as bright light pierces through my eyelids. I slowly blink my eyes open, the light nearly blinding as the last dregs of sleep weigh heavy in my mind. Slightly fatigued, I take in my surroundings. My eyes narrowed once I realize where I am; I’m in a hospital room. I turn to my left, hearing the beep of a heart monitor, I watch the zig-zag lines across the screen it makes me wonder how and when I came here.

I can’t remember being here.

Confused and slightly dazed, I look to my right and find Richie sleeping soundly close to my lap. His hand is on mine and he has a bandage wrapped around his chest. I lift my hand away from his and I gently rake my hand through his hair. I remember vividly, how he pushed me away and took the shot. I still can’t believe he did that, why would he risk his life to save mine?

Taking my hand off his hair, Richie begins to open his eyes. He smiles at me as his blue eyes twinkle, and my name softly past his lips. "Rach." Then he stands up and kisses me on the forehead "How are you feeling?"

Taking a moment to reflect on why he has such a smile on his face; I respond "I don’t know but I’m okay, I guess." My voice came out barely above a whisper.

"I’m glad you’re okay." He tugs a strand of hair behind my ear.

Despite being confused by his look, I decided to ignore it because I am exhausted and nauseous. I take in a deep breath before I speak "Richie,"

"Yeah."

"How did I get here?" I ask. I tried hard to remember but I couldn’t.

"Andrew said you passed out moments after I did." He responds

"Ohh." I sigh. Well, that explains it.

"Yeah, but that’s okay because everything is fine now and you’re gonna be alright." He gives me an assuring smile.

I smile back, my heart filled with warmth as I recall how he protected me. Richie grasps my hands, our eyes locked for a moment before my gaze slowly drifts to his bandaged chest.

"Why did you take the shot for me?" I ask

He releases a sigh as he responds "Because living without you is the same thing as not living at all. I can not imagine living without Rach." He says; his voice full of sincerity.

I smile, unable to express my thoughts. I can never be thankful enough for Richie saving my life but I just wish he didn’t risk his life to do that. "Thank you."

"You don’t have to thank me, Rach. I did what I needed to do and I will do it again if I need to."

I don’t want him to do that again. Ever. I smile at him and I am about to speak when my gaze reflects the television. As I watched the policeman holding a gun, my mind flashed back to my incident and I was dragged back to the scene; it reminded me of something. "Richie, can I ask you a question?" I inquire recalling an occurrence.

He nods "Yes"

"Why didn’t you shoot him when you had the chance?" It bothered me when Richie refused to shoot. I watched how tensed and pressurized he was. It’s almost like he wasn’t able to do it.

"You had the gun in your hand but you didn’t shoot," I say.

Richie releases a deep sigh "It’s complicated, Rach. I can’t shoot him or anyone."

"Why not?" I ask. He shot my mum so I don’t see any reason why he wouldn’t shoot a guy pointing a gun at him.

"Like I said, it’s complicated."

"Ohh." I sigh. I am about to speak when Richie starts to talk. With a sigh, he begins "It was ten years ago, when Papa gifted me a gun…… with that gun he made me shoot this woman. I can’t remember who she was but I remember how it was for me. It was a nightmare….. and I…. I didn’t want to do it but-"

"You did it anyways." I complete the sentence

"Yes and ever since I did that, I curse myself every single day. That was my first and definitely my last gunshot. I didn’t even think I will be able to hold a gun again until…" He releases a sigh "That incident hunted me for so long that I can’t tolerate screams and gunshots. And when I hold a gun I see her…… I recall the pressure, the tension and it’s just something I don’t want to do again. Never."

I watch his eyes as he speaks. I see sincerity and regret in them but I don’t believe it.

"But forget about that, I’m just glad that you’re okay." He says, smiling.

I try to return the smile but I couldn’t. I don’t even know what to say right now. That woman he just talked about is my mother, he just had to remind me of what he did, he had to make me recall how much I hate him.

"Rach, I have something I want to tell you." He says. I turn my gaze to him but before he could say another word, a nurse walks into the room.

"What are you doing?" She says approaching Richie. "Aren’t you supposed to be on your bed resting?"

"I am but I just wanted to make sure Rachel is fine." He responds to her.

"She’s fine. I’m gonna run some tests on her and you should please lay back on your bed." She instructs. Richie kisses my forehead before he goes to lie on the bed next to mine.

As I feel his eyes on me, I take a deep breath but refuse to look at him. The nurse starts the test by checking my pulse and then injecting some sort of medicine into my hand.

I keep my gaze straight as tears formed in my eyes when I thought of what Richie said. He shot her but he says it’s a mistake. How can murder be a mistake? I don’t believe him, no murder is a mistake. He did what he did, he shot my mom and ruined my life. I am like this because of him, he has no idea what it’s like to have witnessed your mom’s death. It hurts and what’s more hurting is that I’m stuck with her murder. I don’t even care if it’s a mistake or not, he did what he did and now I’m gonna do what I’m supposed to do.

A single tear rolls down my cheek as I think about it. I sigh; I can’t think of anywhere to hurt Richie. He saved my life by risking his. He chose me over his own brother. He risked three lives for me, and I…… no, I can’t.

Why? Why can’t I think of anything? I hate Richie, I really do.

I turn to look at Richie, his eyes are on me and he has a reassuring smile on his face. Gazing deep into his eyes I feel no hatred. All I could feel was a sudden urge to go closer to him. Somehow I feel safe around him. The smile on his face twitches my heart and I feel warm. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I don’t think I want to hurt him, I mean he put his life there for me, he took the shot and he could have died back then but he didn’t care, he just wanted to save me.

I don’t think I can ever forgive Richie but I know I can stop hating on him and I think I just did.

No, this isn’t supposed to be happening. I’m overthinking things. I hate Richie and it should stay like that. I think of so many reasons why I hate Richie but all seem to fade away in my head. I can’t even feel the hatred I have towards him. What is going on in my head? Why is life this complicated?

"The test is done now I just have to get your X-ray to check if everything is fine. For now, you should just take a rest." The nurse says pulling me out of my thoughts

"Huh!"

"You should take a rest." She instructs

I nod and lay on the back of the bed as the nurse steps out of the room. I stare at the ceiling in silence, lost in my wonders and thoughts. A moment later, Richie speaks "Rach, are you okay?" He asks

I release a breath but didn’t respond. It’s so hard to hate on someone that risked his life to save yours. I don’t know what to say to Richie.

"Why are you so quiet?" He asks. Yet again, I didn’t respond. "Did I do something wrong?" He inquires

"Rach I-"

"Where is everyone?" I ask cutting him off

"I didn’t inform anyone about this, I will let them know when the time comes."

"Alice?" I ask

"She’s with John; he is in a coma."

"Ohh." I release a sigh "You should be with him." I suggest. If Richie leaves it will be easier for me not to think of him.

"No, I should be with you." He attempts to stand up from the bed. I don’t miss the wince that twists his features as he stands up. He tries to hide it, but I still see it.

Richie approaches me and holds my hand in his. He stares at me passionately before he says "I’m always gonna be there for you."

"But John, he is your brother."

"And you are my fiancé." He says. With a sigh, he speaks "Rach, I know now isn’t the time or place to say this but I can’t help but let you know how I feel. I-"

He trails mid-sentence when the nurse walks into the room. "I’m not even going to ask you to go back to your bed. You seem to like being close to her." She says as she approaches us

"But I’m afraid you have to be away from her for a moment. I need to get her X-ray done, the last one wasn’t properly done."

The nurse pulls a wheelchair and helps me sit on it. Richie then comes around to make sure that I’m comfortable on the chair. He holds my hand and smiles, "When you get back, I have something to tell you." He says; his eyes sparkle with care and somewhat I feel relaxed.

"I don’t want to do an x-ray. I want to go home." I say.

"Rach, I know the hospital isn’t the best place to stay but you need to get well." Richie tells me

"I don’t care about getting well. I just want to leave."

"You have to calm down Miss Rachel, panicking isn’t helping your situation right now." The nurse says

"I’m not panicking okay? I just want you to take me away from here."

"Rach, it’s gonna be fine. It’s just an X-ray and if you want I can come with you."

"No." I shake my head "I don’t want to stay with you or anywhere near you. I rather just be on my own." Panic lace through my voice. I’m scared if I stay here any longer Richie will tell me how he feels and I won’t be able to turn him down.

"What?"

I release a sigh. What am I doing? "Thank you for saving my life Richie but I don’t want to stay with you. And I’m not just talking about the hospital."

"What? What are you saying?" He ask; his voice coaxed with confusion.

With a sigh, I respond "I’m breaking up with you."

"What?"

"I’m sorry Richie but I have to do this." I say

"Is this about Aiden?"

"No."

"Then what is it about?" He inquires. I sigh not knowing what to say. "Look Rach I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you but I promise you everything is gonna be alright. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you."

"You’re not making this any easier for me, Richie. This is really-"

"I love you, Rachel." He says cutting me off.

I take in the words he said. It fills my heart with happiness but at the same time, it tears me up knowing that those words came from someone like him.

Richie kneels next to me and takes my hands in his "I have never felt this way before. It’s a beautiful feeling and I don’t want to let it go. I love you so much, Rach. I really do."

Tears begin to well up in my eyes. This is too hard. I can’t believe my heart throbs for him. Releasing a deep breath, I turn my gaze to the nurse. I don’t know if I can look him in the eyes. "Let’s go." I tell her

"No." He holds the wheelchair "You’re not leaving Rach. I know I made a bunch of mistakes but I’m not gonna let you punish me or yourself because of it."

"Let go of my hand Richie, I have to…" I trail off trying not to cry.

"No, I’m not letting you."

"It’s not a choice."

"Why? Why do you want to leave?"

"Because..." I shout but immediately lower my voice as my heart begins to beat "That woman you were talking about is my mother."

As I say that, Richie freezes momentarily and the nurse takes the opportunity to slowly move my wheelchair away from him. My hand slips out of his and tears begin to well up in my eyes; I let them flow down my cheeks because I need to cry, to really take it out of my system. I don’t feel good about this but it's the right thing to do. I can’t fall in love with someone I’m destined to hate.