Chapter 19: Chapter 19

CANNON

WEDDINGS, I fucking hated them.

They all fucking reminded me of the asshole I had of a father and the pathetic woman my mother had been in failing to stand up to her husband.

What I fucking hated even more at the moment was everything in front of my eyes.

Dumb as fuck snobs.

So much pink that it made me almost barf and flowers that did nothing but clog my nostrils.

What stung the most was the man standing at the altar grim as ever and nervous as fuck. I’d never wanted to be a groom. Fuck, I’d never thought of marriage let alone having a girlfriend but at this very moment I wanted to shoot Lucas fucking Hawkins in the head and take his place.

I couldn’t though I had the chance to.

Seated in the midst of the guests waiting for the bride to arrive, I took a fucking breath. Coming here was stupid and yet for some stupid reason my heart insisted on staying.

She was not going to say no to marrying Lucas Hawkins. This wasn’t some shit telenovela about love because I wasn’t in love and neither was, she.

We’d had a good fuck, at least I did.

And every fucking time I slept; I could feel her around me. Her fucking scent, her smile, her moans, her spoilt as fuck attitude. I came here to get her out of my system. To remind myself she wasn’t mine and I wasn’t hers.

The fucker standing by the altar checked his Rolex watch for the hundredth time and it gave me some sort of satisfaction.

What if she bailed on him? For me?

Jesus Christ, I was fucked. If she theoretically wanted me instead, what could I offer her? I didn’t date. I fucked and until weeks ago, I didn’t fuck just one woman but she came into my life and I wanted to fuck her, only.

The classical music started at a slow pace before the cathedral doors opened and a woman stood by the doorway.

Clad in a pure white vaginal dress, a bouquet of red roses in her hands she slowly made way down the red isle as all the guests stood to watch in awe.

I didn’t like the situation but even I would be dumb if I said she wasn’t gorgeous. All baked and stuffed for the hungry looking groom by the altar.

I watched her reach half the isle before I decided whatever the fuck I was doing wasn’t healthy.

I didn’t fucking love her but lusted over her. She was a married woman now and I didn’t do married women not like that fucker, Jason.

I stood up and left the church pissed off than I ever had in my life.

With one last look at the sky-high cathedral in front of me, I got in my escalade leaving everything I knew about Nicole Montenegro in the fucking past.

She was just another woman I had fucked, and came inside her. Not a fucking big deal.

“Still work at operations?”

I knew he did. Holy was the best sniper slash cyber geek I’d ever met in the Marines and if there was one thing I knew about him was that, he didn’t linger away from his guns or from his fancy computers.

“You know I do. What’s up?”

“Access all the stashed away unsolved cases for me”

Lucky for me, Holy wasn’t that much of a talker. Not like fucking Jason away.

“With or without Berkely’s permission?”

“You really want the answer to that?”

Berkely was my boss but that didn’t mean he fucking controlled everything I wanted to do. Perhaps this was merely doing him a favor. Unsolved cases brought a lot of doo to the enterprise, who fucking wouldn’t want that?

“It’s fucking suicide and insanity even for you, Asher”

Somehow it didn’t surprise me he knew my name. The men at B&A were gossiping little girls who told each other everything.

“I’ve always been insane and suicidal”, I joked.

“Not like this. Jason filled us all in, if this is about the Montenegro chick, there’s a lot of women out there to fuck-“

Fucking cunt.

The last thing I wanted was to hear about Nicole or to listen to all that crap about finding other women or all that advice shit.

I was fine. Never fucking better.

Two weeks tops with my guns and women around me and I would be fucking better than before.

“What chick?”

I played dumb.

“Really? We are going to go down this road of denial and shit? You want to kill yourself so badly? Go fucking right ahead”

“You fucking done? Because I need those cases sent to my phone stat”

“You are a crazy fuck, you know that right?”

And he hung up. Few minutes later, my phone buzzed with all the intel I needed glaring at me.

I wasn’t crazy.

No, I was losing my game to a woman who’d made a huge impact on me.

A woman who I would have rather stayed away from than be reminded of the constant fact that she was married.

That she wasn’t mine.

And for the first time in forever since I took bullshit assignments like these, I wasn’t worried about dying.

I had nothing to fucking live for and that was okay. It was fucking okay for a man who’d driven away a woman like her from his doorstep.

My duffer bag in my hands I stared at the city leaving it behind me for good.

I’d never liked Miami anyway.