Chapter 74: Chapter 74

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"Perfect relationships aren't real and real relationships aren't perfect"_ Nathan Feurestein

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Pamela

I chewed my nails and sat on the closed toilet seat. A fresh wave of nausea and hopelessness hit me.

Dear God! I'm tired. I cried silently as fresh tears rolled down to kiss my lips.  The incessant sounds of the twins somewhere crying made me feel more useless.

15years of marriage and 3 kids later; Daniel, Daniella and Semilore. Then this set of twins came around.

Why is it so hard to love them like I love the rest?

Why is it so hard to feel drawn to them, to bond with them?

Where is the overwhelming surge of love they say you always feel when you pick up you child?

The excitement that danced in Chris eyes every time he picked them up was missing in mine. So here am I hiding in the toilet from my crying babies.

I finally picked up my phone to call Ayomi. On third dial he finally picked and I burst into tears again when I heard his gruff " Temi"

"Paapi why do I feel the way I do? Something is wrong with me. Ayomi what is wrong with me..." Sniffs "I.. What is worse than not wanting to be a mother to your children?"

"Hey Tee! Calm down for me my love, I'm coming home now okay?"

I got up from my position and fed the twins.  After lying them down I crawled back into bed.

Immediately he entered the room my antenna was alive and it wasn't because he opened the door. This was just me being

drawn to him as instinctive and primal  as possible.

My hair was in cornrows. I couldn't care less about how messy they were or the milk stain on my blouse or being presentable to him.

Clad in a three piece suit he pulled off his shoes and lay beside me. Compared to this put together man, as always I'm a giant wrecking mess.

"Temi!" He called out and I couldn't bring myself to answer. "Mine!" He shouted more firmly.

The waterworks were my response again, maybe at this time I would have cried  kanji dam full. "Tell me what's wrong, tell me what you're feeling. Tell me everything, I'll listen my queen you know I'll listen." And so I did exactly as he urged me.

I told him of how tired I was always, the intense fear that I'm not a good mother, how everything made me cry, how I couldn't bond with the twins. All of the messy stuff.

As usual he stuck his bottom lips into his teeth and a surprising heat bloomed in my belly. It reminded me of how long its been since we had sex.

"I noticed some of these stuff and I did a little research okay. I also spoke to your gynecologist and she thinks you have Post partum depression" Chris said.

I mused over what he said and it suddenly made a little sense. "What next?"

He pulled me into his arms and whispered "We go for counseling. I'll be here meanwhile holding your hand, helping you with the kids, kissing you, going on life's journey with you."

I cchokedked down the new tears. No more crying! Its time to fight another battle. "Thank you. Thank you so much for going on life's journey with me."

*****

4 months later

Chris lips traveled down my neck and went further still. My hands were somewhere tugging off the buttons on his shirt. We were both crammed against the kitchen door. The loud sound of the smoke detectors and Ella's shout broke us apart.

I rushed to put off the fire where the friend plantains were now looking like burnt sacrifice.

"Mom!!!!!" Ella whined and entered the kitchen, "its our first day back in school today! What are we even supposed to eat now?"

"Sorry darling. Please take cereal okay." I replied and sent a glare towards their father  who buttoned his shirt wrongly.

Dan on the other hand was looking at us two like we've grown  new sets of head. "Can you guys restrict the kissing and touching out of the kitchen."

Close your mouth Pamela Temitope olugbenga! How can I close my mouth when I just got caught. Chris let out a chuckle and I felt like slapping him.

"Erhhm..." I stammered, "Who told you we were doing stuffs like that." The eye roll he gave me was classic like durrh.

"I'm thirteen you know and not dumb. Dads button are mismatched, your hair was packed back this morning and you look guilty. Also I'm in SS2 you know, meaning I've done reproductive system in biology and I know that we didn't fall down from the sky. Plus you really think we dont know all this stuff by now?" Dan stuffed his face with coco pops and Ella eyed us both.

"How much do you know?" I asked worried. Sex was selling on all platforms and I want to be the one to teach my children about it.

He rolled his eyes again and I couldn't resist the urge to smack him. "Ouch mum. Yo Dad, your wife's a violent woman"

"I'll slap the taste of that  coco pops out of your mouth" He shut up instantly.

Chris was chuckling at all our drama, like he couldn't care less. Semilore on the other finally made her way to the table she was always late.

The twins were already rushing out when she entered."You better follow them, no extra driver to take you to school separately o"

"But mummy won't I eat breakfast?"

"You should have waited for me to come and spoon feed you in your bed na. Be asking me stupid question there." I responded.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Daddy!" She whined. Her father raised one hand in the air and went outside to  his call.

"Mummy" I imitated her, "my friend will you get out for me, its seven forty_five already.

"Everybody hates me nobody loves me. I'm gonna eat cockroach" she sang out looking for pity.

See this fraud star o.

"Cockroach is small, eat spider along. Well-done Yahoo girl, it worked when you were seven now you're nine. " The car honked loudly and she left with her lunch pack and an apple grumbling.

After all they still served them lunch in school and Semilore being Semilore was going to tear into the food I packed for her once she got into the car. At least she got the first round of plantain.

After the older kids left my quiet husband that excused himself to pick a call outside was back. "Guess who is getting married?"

I shrugged my shoulder "dont know, just tell me."

"Nina." One word four letters and I stopped halfway.

She still sometimes make my heart boil with rage. I still feel like making sure she went to jail. "Her business."

Chris snaked his arms around my waist and dragged me into his body."If she still makes you mad, you're giving her power over you and our relationship babe. I'm glad she's happy but she isn't worth it anymore. No one steals our peace, we've worked hard to cultivate this beautiful energy around us." He finished his speech and bit my cheeks, I couldn't help but smile.

"Now where did we stop earlier"He winked. Be still my heart.

"We need to give the kids sex talk" I tried to hold onto my sanity as he littered tiny kisses on my jawline.

"Ayomi I have to get the twins they will be awake soon." Four months of therapy and I was getting better. Some days I still fell into depressions dark hole but I loved my messy life and  my twin boys.

"10 minutes sharp sharp and I've scored goal" he begged.

I couldn't help but laugh "Well-done o Messi. My favorite goal scorer. My number 10 champion."

He chuckled in response and cleared the kitchen counter with a swipe of his hands. Dan's cereal bowl made a loud clattering sound on the floor. "Ayomi na, stop breaking my plates"

"Sorry my love. The thing have catch this your man now" he bit out, hands and lips on my body.

In the midst of our passion frenzy I stared at the half washed dishes, the broken plate and burnt plantains. Us with our clothes around our knees and ankles.

We were a mess! A giant big beautiful mess and I loved it, every inch of it.

Our love story is messy, imperfect, maybe even sour sweet but as two souls melded as one we can only go on together.

Nina, Post partum depression, our squabbles, life next mystery it won't matter as long as we keep being two souls in one body tied with love strings.

Two souls as one isn't harmonious always or beautiful. Nah! sometimes its messy but messy is real. Perfect relationships aren't real anyway and real relationships aren't perfect.

We came down from our passion high and I found some strength from my sleepy body to whisper "You scored this goal my Messi. Just know that I'm getting a tubal ligation I'm not doing kids again."

His loud laughter echoed in the kitchen and it danced in my ear.

"My dear goal keeper, if I really scored that goal you'll be too spent to talk or think."

"Oh please shut up" I shouted.

"Should we go on another round so that I'll prove you wrong?" He sounded so sure and cocky.

"You this boy ehn!" Smiling softly, "Just make sure you clean my

Kitchen."

"Boy bi ti bawo? (Boy as in how?) Man my dear I'm your man" he fixed himself up now and I raised my noise at him to mock him.

He moved towards me again probably to prove his point and loud cries could be heard from upstairs my babies were up.

Chris smacked my bum as I passed and said "Those twins just saved me from tearing your net with my goal"

I couldn't help the laughter that spilled out. He is still so naughty  still  my hot CEO.

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