Chapter 57: Chapter 57

: Being apart

**.

Chris swirled the scotch in the glass tumbler before him gently. He looked down into the drink he has not taken a gulp of.

He wanted to be drunk a little to forget his problems, but he knew what taking this drink meant. It meant breaking his 6 year sobriety.

6 years without intoxication of any kind.

Ice cubes rattled as he shook the cup again moving the drink around it. His eyes intense on the golden brown of the liquid.

A part of him wanted to go home to see maybe she will be there another part didn't want to confirm the truth that she actually left.

In his other hand sat her ring and his phone. With the melancholic mood came memories, each bittersweet.

*laughter* instead of you to be nice to me as I hold the key to your blue balls *more laughter*

The way her eyes lighted up when she laughed. Phew!

The tight constriction in my chest region told me how much this memories hurt. I needed to see her face so bad so I clicked on my gallery.

I took my art nature from my mother loving to paint and take pictures. My gallery was a whooping 4 thousand camera pictures.

I swiped and swiped my family made up most of it, but she was chief of all.

They were pictures of her eating, cooking, sleeping, laughing, playing.

She was my muse.

The next picture was one of her sitting at one of the beach I'm Seychelles, her leg was folded under her she sat in yoga style as she looked on to the sea. A part of her hair covered half of her face but it was the pure bliss that sat on her face that pulled my heartstrings the most.

The last two months she had truly looked different, this picture right here was the carefree version of my wonder woman and this was the version I loved.

The next picture brought tears to my eyes as the memories flooded in;

"Let me see what is in your trousers that look like long stick" she said  laughing and trying to pull the waistband of my shorts.

"Ehn it is stick na, shey you will use it to turn Amala" I replied

She laughed more loudly as tears ran down her face because she was weird like that "baby just imagine them using your maanhood to turn Amala" laughing

"God forbid bad thing!" pulling my hands to cover my God given instrument.

"I don't blame you na. Shebi it is me that want to play na and you don't want, your turn will come" hissing more to prove my point.

She shrugged "you too like rough play that's why." Sticking out her tongue.

"Ehn! Thank you like you don't enjoy it too, with all those sounds you make" blushing a little.

"Are you blushing my fine yellow bobo." pulling my cheeks gently in her grasp.

"Cute boy" she added smiling brightly.

"Leave me alone o. After all you are starving me" pouting slightly.

I got up to leave the couch while she held me from behind her hands wrapping around my waist as best as she could.

"Oya na. You too dey vex, come and play"She climbed on the couch giving her the added height advantage to click onto my back.

"Zoom off to the bedroom. Lets go"

"Come down from my back Temitope" I warned.

She refused clinging more tightly.

We entered the bed room and our reflection in the mirror caught my eye.

I stood in front staring at the naughty woman behind me.

"Lets take a mirror selfie that your Iphone logo just dey waste for nothing" she said.

I shook my head at her"Oya come down. Lets do something couple-ish" I urged.

"No o. This place is comfy, your back is my safe place."She whispered kissing my neck.

Her face grinning evil from behind biting my earlobe I took that picture.

The picture looked so beautiful and carefree we were so full of life and happy.

What do I do to make this right?

Where do I even start from?

Emotions were clogging my throat and I chugged down the drink in my glass.

The taste of alcohol again felt familiar but not as good as I thought. It was just a drink to me now not even a vice just something to keep my head above the drowning ocean which was my life.

Five shots later, I was beginning to get tipsy and brave. Tipsy enough to drunk dial her number;

I listened to the phone ring and I waited for the call to connect.

Fifteen unanswered calls later, I was officially a stalker and  dread began to set in.

What if something happened to her and the kids?

Where did they go?

Did they go home to Ibadan?

Was she okay?

Did she still cry?

How long will she be gone for?

Was she going to come back?

My mind was asking questions that could only be answered with her calming storm.

My anchor was gone. My still heart was slowly becoming tumultuous again.

I promised her to fight and that was what I planned to do.

Ill give her a little space then fight and try again. Until our little family was complete again.

Hold on for me my love.

*********

Pamela.

I lay down in my old bed with my legs curled up around my body bringing me to a fetal position.

I was drained, these were the moments you couldn't cry.

The last 24 hours were so much of a whirl wind. Going to my In-laws home, driving back to our home and picking up stuff for the kids while avoiding the master bedroom, driving down to Ibadan, explaining to my parents that I wasn't going back anytime soon and seeing the shock and disappointment on their faces, listening to question after question and making it through putting my kids in bed, Taking a shower and laying down in bed for hours and hours before finally drifting off from the exhaustion.

Here I was the morning after, curled up on my bed drained. My phone lay in my bag, but the bedside clock chimed 8:00am.

The surrounding I lay in was my home growing up but it wasn't my home at the same time. This place wasn't mine to build or nurture it was my mother's.

I left my home!

Thinking made my head hurt even more than it already did. I wish to be free for just a little while, but who was I kidding?

Returning home to my fathers house with two kids and another on the way  is not a problem I could just postpone.

Did I plan to raise them all up here in my fathers house or did I plan to move out.

Maybe I could just think later because It wasn't helping the worry that sat in my belly now as I thought.

One hour later, at 9am I got up. I should check on the kids but I know that my mum would have taken care of them so I made my way to the bathroom.

The mirror that sat over the wash hand basin revealed a woman, I did not know.

My hair was rough and out of place, my eyes puffy and red from lack of sleep, worry lines built homes around my mouth and I looked tired.

Then I stripped off my clothes and I noticed the bulge also. It was still little but all the changes I ignored that last 3 months were more glaring.

My breasts were fuller and heavier, my waist more round and my stomach bulging a little. I was 17 weeks pregnant, alone and looked thinner than I should.

when last did I even eat?

Taking a quick shower, putting on a large tee shirt and  later untangling the weave on that sat on  my head. While combing gently a slight knock came through. It was almost as if the person on the other side was scared to knock.

"Come in" I urged.

My mother paddled in softly, she looked worried.

"Ekaaro ma(Good morning ma)" I greeted.

"kaaro o(morning )Temitope mi"

She sat on the bed while I remained on the vanity table.

"Come and sit beside me" patting the space beside her.

I moved to do just that and immediately her hands went around me pulling me to her bosom.

"Why didn't you tell me, what was going on hmm?" Tears filling her eyes.

"How could I" I asked her in return, tears pooling in my eyes also.

"So you think I cant feel your pain hmmn? Do you think I don't know how that feels. You should have come to me" she said crying into my shoulder now.

A little while later my head lay on her lap and she stroked it gently.

"Did daddy ever cheat on you mum?" I asked gently almost scared to know the answer.

She kept quiet and I already knew the answer. Now I understand why Shayo was always acting out towards him when we were younger.

"Did Shayo know?" I asked again.

Another long ensuing silence followed.

That's a yes then.

"Was that why you guys fought a lot while we were still little?" I asked.

She kept quiet again, this time her hand stilled in my hair and she stopped stroking.

All my life he was my hero. I cant look at him and imagine he did to mum what Chris did to me. You see I understand it now, why all African women allow their cheating husband to stay. Their mothers probably grew up to polygamous homes and could make do with sharing their husband with other wife's and concubines.

So when they complained to their mothers, they see it as a revolving door where we all go through.

"It is in their nature" They whispered to those women over and over.

I understand why although they quarrelled a lot while we were growing up every time my grand mother came along my mother tried hard to be more submissive.

"Its a generational curse" my mom whispered still stroking my hair.

"What is" I asked standing up out of shock.

"Our men can't be faithful. Men that marry into our lineage can't be faithful"She said.

Righteous anger was slowly filling in now " who told you that mum? Was it grandma, did she tell you that lie from the pit of hell?" I asked shouting.

She kept quiet again.

"Mother you are a Christian for Gods sake all generations curses were broken already if there was any. Plus there is none and no one followed me to my house"

"Stop shouting please ifemi(my love)" she whispered.

"Look it is like this..." She tried explaining before I cut her off.

"Mom it is no curse.  No man takes fire in his bosom and is not burned by it. Mom if you go to a woman house at night to hang out as a man what do you expect to happen, when you allow another woman too close for comfort what do you expect to happen?" I asked.

"Caution yourself No. Draw line and boundaries between women that is not your wife No. He prided himself on self control, who the self control help now mummy! Who e epp na?" I added.

"You want to have a wife then have a woman outside as your best friend, sister of destiny, go to woman and you don't want to cheat abi. Women create spaces for men to cheat sometimes but this one o my husband created it by himself. It is no generational curse he made his own bed willingly, Iya Temi lets stop blaming the devil" I said crying this time.

"Its okay don't cry anymore my girl" she pampered hugging me tightly.

"Don't cry anymore, its okay now. You can stop being strong all by yourself and let go, let me in." she added.

"Oya come and eat. No man will come and kill my daughter for me." She added.

And I smiled my first genuine smile since I got home.

I was home! Here I wasn't just a mother and a lover. I was a hurt girl crying in her mother's arm.

Today she wasn't just my mother she was a strong woman whose scars I saw more clearly knowing how much she sacrificed to keep her home

She was my beautiful mama, strong enough to stay and whether the storm.

I couldn't say that much for myself anyway!

*****

Orex.