Chapter 25: Chapter 25

: Loosing her the first time

October, 2014

Red! It was the color of passion and desire, Tonight it was my poison. Clad in a floor length red dress that flowed around me and clung to all curves beneath I felt strangely naked. The woman in the mirror looked so beautiful red dress, smoky eyes, black strap heels, black curls moisturised to definition and left to frame my face. The only thing missing was an enthusiastic heart, after the event where I broke down on Tuesday I hurriedly pushed him far away complained of headache and I've been avoiding him ever since. What was worse, was the fact that he called me everyday after then did not ease the guilt that sat comfortably in my heart.

"Turn let me take a picture of you, and send it to your boo" Tolu said excitedly. She came with me for the weekend, she was the reason for the hair, clothe choice and fabulous look. She was good at this styling and fashion thing. As I made poses for her with fake smiles, my phone rang letting me know he was here.

I walked down the stairs of the hotel where we lodged to the foyer. I spotted him first in a black tuxedo and shirt that complimented his fair skin. He was handsome, he had this air around him that always screamed class even without him having to say anything.

"Hey" I whispered gently suddenly so body conscious.

"Hey" he replied as his eyes raked over me from head to toe. "Wow hmmn Tee don't you think you look too good? You're about to be off market fah. Just imagine all the admirers for tonight, I don't plan on sharing you o show stopper" he teased and stretched his arms at me. As I stared into his brown orbs his eyes were telling me something different it was saying "relax, I got you" and that feeling is something I'm forever grateful for.

"Hey guys wait up! Its time for mandatory pictures" Tolu said. As we posed,he turning on his charm and me my nervousness at my curves on display. I know the body I hid; after my luscious hair I had pretty good curves in all the right places, men's attention repulsed me and I've always hid it. It was the reason Matt ever became interested in me anyway. He sensed the change in me and dragged me closer to his side moulding our sides together he placed his lips on my cheeks and muttered. "Grumpy, I got you for life" a smile broke out at his statement and a camera click was heard.

"Wawu wawa! I go love o" Tolu said grinning from ear to ear. "Hey boo, be cheating on me boldly oh" she said to Chris. We all laughed and went to the party.

*******

I regret coming to this damn dinner party!

First when we came in the way she hugged him putting a kiss with her blood red lipstick on his cheeks so close to his mouth and then waving me hi like I was a cockroach was appalling, but the real anger started when she dragged him away alongside leaving me all on my own for the last one hour. I sat in one corner and refused to mingle with this folk.

To worsen the situation he danced the opening dance that opened the floor with her, she had pressed all her half spilling boobs that strained out of a white dress on him and he had the audacity to put his hands around her waist while dancing, they danced beautifully like lovers who had done this time without numbers while I looked on as an intruder. They danced in sync and looked so graceful while doing it, while I can't even dance to save my life.

The height of my patience and tolerance was reached when they had to go hand in hand greeting each guests and being recognised together like couples everyone knew.

I've come in between a relationship before and right now I feel like the outcast in my own relationship, like I was the one breaking them apart.

Was this karma? People usually said she was a bitch. Was she here to give me my share for what happened to Matt and Ava?

"Hey beautiful! You've been lonely all night. Would you please dance with me" A stranger asked. I got up and walked straight to the door, there's no way in hell I'm marrying him. I can't break this also.

I ordered a taxify to go back to the hotel. Immediately I got home I stripped off everything clothes, shoes and makeup and stood under the cold shower as I let the tears fall. I've made up my mind.

*******

Chris

Where is she? I have checked everywhere, I know I was a bit negligent tonight. Nina can be such a baby at times, I know how it is for her coming from a home where no matter what she did, it was never enough. She needed my support tonight, so I introduced her to big names in the economic world and supported her, while her hypocrite mother berated her choice of outfit which she wore to piss her off in the very place.

Its 12:15 now, okay scratch that I've been very negligent I left her alone for four hours. She'll definitely be so pissed, considering what is going on with her. She has been on edge since that day in the kitchen and I really wanted her to have fun tonight, not push her further away. Some guest left already while the majority will probably party for at least 2hours more. I picked my phone to call her and found out that I gave it to Nina to collect someone contact after hers died.

Great! More complications to add to it.

"You look lost." Francis boomed out.

"I cant believe what I'm seeing! Francis my guy!" I exclaimed loudly. Francis was mine and Davids friend before he went to Canada. I was so excited to see him its been 10 solid years.

"Na me be that o. My guy whatsup na? The Christopher Ayomide Williams business Mogul. Nina's future husband"he said and winked at me.

"Nah, I'm engaged fah. The stuff between me and Nina is different; she's like my sister" I replied.

"Are you for real? After all the chemistry you guys displayed tonight, I hope the so called fiancée did not attend this party o. Nonetheless congrats to you bro." He hugged me and gave me a large brotherly slap on my back.

"Common let's all catch up, me you and Nina." He entreated.

"Yea sure. I am looking for my babe first sha, I'm in soup already" I replied.

"Oh you actually came with her? Don't tell me she wore red, bouncy curls, fine face, hot banging body and mean eyes?" He asked.

I don't even know how to describe the strange jealousy that followed his statement. Only me gets to know her that way.

"Yes. Guy no too look my woman o" I said frowning.

"She left already, cool your testosterone level. You just left her all alone and acted all lovey dovey with Nina. Anyway, let's all catch up me, you and Nina, You can settle your love squabble later."

I excused myself and stepped out on the terrace to call her. 4 missed calls later and I know she was royally pissed. I, Francis, Nina and her date sat by the kitchen counter reminiscing old times as Nina, and her date got drunk, Francis sipping his orange punch and me water I felt the beginning of a migraine and dread crawling upon me. So I decided to text her

Hey love! on a scale of 10 how mad are you at me_ HC

Called you four times already how did you get home? Hope you got home safely _Hc

Babe!!!!! Your silent treatment always hurts you know na. Its past 2 in the morning let's talk in the morning _Hc

Are you asleep? I'll make it up to you I promise _Hc

I love you _Hc

5messages later with no replies, I felt on edge it was time to go home anyway after all I wasn't participating I the discussion around me and I was too distracted to listen, I kept checking my phone every second. I got up and said my goodbyes and made it to the car.

The last 5months of my life made me so complete. This feeling was heaven, I know how pure gold the lady beneath the cold mask is. She was kind, selfless,super shy, and beautiful in out. Once I had a nightmare and migraine and called her late at night she prayed with me, sang for me, for hours. I dozed off back while her voice played it was remedy to all the demons that came at night.

I Don't want to loose! It was better not to know pure love than to have it and loose it.

8:45 am! The exhaustion of last night and previous days must had caught up with me. I said my prayers and took my usual morning devotion. After which I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and checked my messages no reply still not even one single one.

This girl is so mean, playing with my heart anyhow.

I got ready to head out and see her. Spraying my usual light musky cologne and then a beep came in. I rushed to it praying it was from her and it was.

Am on my way back home, thanks for the earlier transport sorry I ditched your driver. Thank you for last night it brought back to me a feeling I never wanted to remember and helped me with my choice. Me and you are on two different planes going two different directions we'll never work out, and am an outsider looking in breaking something beautiful. Introduction of families hasn't been done yet, so all should be fine. I hope you take good care of yourself, I also think she is a perfect match for you. _ Pamela.

I closed off all feelings, picked my key and ran out. Refusing to let the entire impact of that text weigh on me and dialed her number.

"PICK THE DAMN CALL!" I screamed at no one in particular. As i sped down the streets, impatience and a cold sweat broke on my forehead. She is so also leaving just like David, Christiana now her. Something about me makes them always leave.

I got to the hotel which was thankfully a 10 minutes drive from my house. The receptionist told me they he led out and I drove like a mad man, why wouldn't I? After all I have lost my only sane person.

"Andre! I need a number tracked right now" I said to my secret bodyguard who always goes with me, sometime I forget he is there.

"Sure boss." His answer came over the line.

I got to the first park and she wasn't there. So I decided to call Tolu. On the fifth ring she answered: "what?" She whispered into the phone.

"Where is she Tolu? Where are you guys she is with you right that's why you are whispering? Just tell me please" I begged.

"What did you do that was so bad? I want you for a brother in-law anyway we are on our way to my uncles place in the army barracks, we were leaving but my uncles insisted we must greet them first. Wait for us at the gate bye"

I sped the race of my life in the blue Aston Martin, so thankful I rode in it today. As I received curses and swear words from other road users. I got there and parked my car beside the gate. The driver of the uber they ordered waited at the front of the gate, and I opened the door to the car dragged her by the hand out and kissed her.

Yes! I kissed her with all I had, all I felt, the anger, the pain, the love. As onlookers looked on, I pulled her into the car locked her in, settled the uber to make sure Tolu got home safely.

As I opened the door, and got in I saw the tears in her eyes. So I didn't say anything I drove to a secluded area, opened the door pulled her out and trapped her with my body against the car. "So you'll just give up on me that easily?"

"Just go and leave me. We both know it won't work anyway" she said instead looking away.

"What feeling, did yesterday remind you of" I countered.

"You and Nina, so sisters huh! Can you really think am so dumb not to see what's between you guys"

"Nothing is. Yes I agree Nina went a bit overboard last night, but she needed the emotional strength. I am not romantically involved with her."

"Liar"

"Just tell me, what the text message you received in the kitchen was all about. Tell me this fear that keeps haunting you, the pain and insecurities I see in your eyes. Just tell me, we can't be in a relationship without openness" I said and she burst into tears.

She cried and cried saying "I am so dirty, why can't you see"

I held her in, her fists that hit my chest. It breaks me to see her this way, I knew there was pain but not that it ran this deep. I calmed her down wondering what exactly it was.

After she finished crying and soaking my shirt, I pulled her blotchy face upwards to mine. "I love you Pamela, tell me what is it" I said.

She tried pulling out from the cage of my arms and I didn't let her.

"It started when I was in year 2 of medical school. He was everything my young mind wanted in a guy, sweet kind towards me, romantic, a little bit overprotective at times and judgemental. Two years of being together he was different he didn't even press for sex as I heard was the norm for older guys. Yes he was older with about 8years. I wasn't in it for the money but how he made me feel special, the highest he asked in return was for my nude which I sent once." She said and my entire body stiffened, she stopped when she felt the change in me.

"Go on" I urged instead drawing her closer into the curve of my body.

"He kept wanting more, too busy to call, too on edge the few times he came around. So I decided to know why. Fresh out of laboratory classes that day I changed into a short black dress he always preferred me in tight clothing's. It hugged every single curve I had, his address in hand, hair, face and body on point. I remember it clearly like yesterday as I knocked on the door and pulled my coat closer, I remember the way frost from the chilly summer air bit into my skin. Then she came out she had on long blonde hair, so beautiful and perfect. At first I didn't understand what she was doing there dressed in only robe. Until I saw the wedding band on her finger and the venomous look on her face; I was the mistress plain and simple. She invited me in and lighted a cigarette. I knew I shouldn't have gone in I know..." And broke into tears. She told me everything how the woman tore at her with words so vile and cruel my heart broke as I heard them.

"Why do you let her words get to you still? Did you have sex with him? How much did you love him? Why won't you let this go" I asked questions that burdened me.

" After all she said that day I dragged myself home body and soul barely conscious to know it was all a lie. Then he came to the dorm angry I went to his house at first and later begging that he didn't mean to lie to me, but he loved me enough to leave his wife. First class lie right? I know that so I stood my ground and told him it was over. The mask of the man I've known before fell, and its place  was a man full of rage and obsession. He had waited for me for two years while I teased him with my super sexy body and now I dare say it was over? His exact words were

"You aren't that beautiful, I managed you, tolerated your holier than thou attitude and you still expect me not to have what I want one way or the other. With that banging body of yours hmmn?" He said as he unbuckled his pants and asked me to strip. At first I refused till the belt hit me I remember the way it bit into the skin of my shoulder then the next and the next. As I pulled off the grey hoodie I wore over my pajamas, I saw the sick light in his eyes and wandered how come I never noticed." She said the light gradually leaving her eyes and I dug my fingers into my palm drawing blood.

I wanted to hurt him for hurting her, how could someone do that to something so beautiful and pure I wondered.

"I couldn't go on and I felt more stings hit me over and over till I was curled up in a fetal position. As I drifted away I heard the door broken in with Liz and security. He was charged with battery and assault, he was released last month. He and Ava his wife are getting divorced she still blames me you know for breaking her home. From time to time she sends me messages reminding me of how much she hates me. I am so dirty and broken you see, I have scars on my back, I hate this overly perfect curved body, I am what you hate the most a mistress just like your mom" she added.

"Don't describe yourself in those terms. Cant you see? why cant you? You are beautiful inside and out, he didn't take sex from you by force he wanted you to offer which you never did. You never had sex with him, which technically doesn't make you a mistress, and if you were in the past I still won't care. I choose you Today knowing all your faults and brokenness as much as you know mine, If for anything I'm glad all your broken pieces will fit into mine, glad we'll mend each other as we go, glad our imperfections are perfect for each other, I see the warrior and the light in you its the perfect combination for my dark self. I'm grateful I found you I want to tell it to the world as much as I want to hide the woman beneath, am glad for all that makes you. You know there is peace and rest in the place of prayers lets go there together" I said as I pulled her palms into mine and prayed, we prayed about our past, preset and future for almost an hour.

After we prayed we sat in the car A.C blasting while she pulled her legs on my dashboard and we made plans for the future; she wanted 4 kids and 4 dogs, A big noisy wedding, she wanted the Ferrari as her wedding gift, and so much more. As I listened to her ramble on and on, all I could do was stare in gratitude I can't wait to have her as mine. The longer I stared the more I noticed the features she had a naughty glint in her eyes when she was naughty, she rolled her eyes a lot and clicked her tongue when she wants to be saucy, I loved in particular how she bit her lips and the way her eyes glowed. She hooded those eyes now and I know she wanted to say something or she was shy.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Do you love Nina?" She asked in return.

"Yes, As a sister and nothing more. I would love the both of you to get along well." I said suddenly scared.

"I want to ask you something and to be honest our entire future depends on it." She added.

"What?"

"Have the two of you ever been in a relationship?"

"No." I replied as my heart sipped a beat and guilt enveloped me.

Do I tell her we had sex once years ago? If I did so much will change between us.

She breathed out in relief "wow thank God, because I can't deal with it then. Last night I felt like I was stealing someone else's husband."

"Let's do this forever thing then" she added smiling brightly at me. I couldn't bring myself to tell her, so I omitted it.

Lie by omission? This was my very mistake, marriages shouldn't be built on a lie no matter how small it was.

"Let's do this forever thing" I replied instead smiling at her.