Chapter 29: Chapter 29

We reached home and had dinner.

I went to our room as my heart skipped a beat, remembering all those agonizing memories that room gave me.

We awkwardly stood in the room.

We were lost in our own thoughts.

I, in dread, which he can never eradicate. He, in penitence that I can never forgive him.

We looked at each other for a second as we both said at the same time.

"Let's sleep." This all is so awkward.

I quickly went to the bathroom and took a quick shower. I realized that I forgot my clothes outside. I was about to call Christian but he knocked first.

"You forgot your clothes." I heard his voice.

I slowly opened the door, he was looking away while holding the clothes. He isn't trying to look at my exposed form, well that's unusual coming from him.

“Thanks…” I took the clothes and wore them and walked outside. He went to the bathroom without sparing a glance at me.

I laid on my side and tried to sleep but I just couldn't. I sensed him coming out of the bathroom and laying on his side and shifting close to me.

My heart skipped a beat when I felt him wrapping his arms around me.

“Sophie..” His arms were protectively wrapped around me but my apprehensions can never let me relax in his presence.

“I am so sorry for everything… for stealing your dreams…”

I remained still, I don't want him to proceed further.

‘If you think that I am feeling secure in your arms like before then you are wrong, I am filled with revolt and detest.’

"I am sorry for everything. I swear I'll try my best to fix everything." He whispered, holding me close.

"You can't.." I whispered back as I looked at him and a tear released from both of our eyes simultaneously. He flinched when he knew that I was awake.

He was about to pull away but I held his shirt and curled like a baby and put my head on his chest.

"You can't.... Please don't try... it will break me more..." I whispered again as tears began to release from my eyes without any halt, drenching his shirt.

I let go of his shirt and looked at his gaze filled with pity and grief.

"That poison is running through my veins.." I said lowly.

He shifted his position and put his hands on either side of mine, terrifying me as I startled.

He leaned in and I closed my eyes, preparing for that dreadful moment. But instead of that, he pressed his forehead against mine and whispered.

"I will suck this poison out from your very soul."

“I won’t let it stay, I won’t repeat the same mistake.”

I opened my eyes and looked at him. His eyes were closed and the sadness emitting from him made me melt too.

I want to melt badly in that.

“I am so sorry…”

For a second, I wanted to start an actual relationship with him but then the memories of those horrendous days hit me so hard that I came back to reality.

This is the first time, the silence wasn't crushing; it was soothing.

I don't know what took over me at that moment as I felt like there's no past, no future. There's nothing but this moment. I lost control over my being as if I'm made for him.

I cupped his cheek as he slowly opened his eyes and looked at me with those obsidian gems.

“I am so sorry,” He whispered sincerely.

His eyes flicker with an unfathomable look while mine showed a glint of desperation for what I never want- him. I pulled his face close to mine and slowly closed my eyes.

That moment I wanted to kiss him not as a toy but as his wife.

“Christian.”

I want a kiss as sacred as a husband and wife relationship should be.

Lost in the desire of that euphoria, I brushed my lips against his. We both were panting as we both looked at each other for the last second.

My lips curved upward because I am going to kiss him as my husband.

Just for once, I want a touch of love from him. I want to receive a divine feeling from him.

I want to know the feeling of receiving a sacred kiss.

We're about to kiss but his grip on the duvet tightened as he let out a growl. I gave him an innocent look as he let out a scowl.

"Don't, Sophie..." He whispered. He was breathing heavily as if he was controlling his urges that were driving him crazy.

"I don't want to do anything that will make you hate me or yourself anymore." He said desperately and pulled away.

Before I could say or do anything, he stood up and left without saying another word leaving me all alone

and...rejected…

I held the covers and curled like a ball. I just want him to touch me lovingly, maybe that way the feeling of disgust would fade away...

I thought his one action of affection could eradicate the disgust inside me...

I just thought that a tiny spark of his love might eliminate this abhor. That moment I felt what he did when I left him alone when he was drunk.

Tears rolled on my cheeks as I let out soft sobs. What else is left to happen to me?

Hated... Disgusted.. and now Rejected…

'Rejection is far better than eternal regret.' my mind said.

I know it but what's wrong if I crave his touch for once. Just once...

As I was crying, the truck of realization hit me as my senses came back to me. I was yearning for the touch of the person who defiled me that much.

When I understood that, The only person I felt hate and repulsion for was me. How can I lose myself in desire? Just what the hell happened to me?

I closed my eyes, wanting to forget what happened tonight for forever… I never yearn for his touch and I never will.

***

Today is Sunday, two months after our marriage.

After that day, Christian never tried to go through any intercourse and avoided me- too much to my pleasure.

I have made my mind, today, I am going to tell him to liberate me.

Even if he is not doing anything, I still feel haunted in his presence, in this house. Every time I see his face, those disgusting images of us flashed in my mind.

Those apprehensions took over me.

I saw him in the hall talking to someone on the phone. I walked to him. He spared a glance at me and smiled. He cut the call as we both said at the same time.

"I want to tell you something." He let out a chuckle.

"I'll tell you first. It will shake your very core" He said excitedly.

He seemed so happy. I want to say it first but his words can't make me change my sentence. I wonder why he is so elated?

I looked at him as he grinned and said,

"Congratulations! Eugene woke up!"

Upon hearing that, my eyes widened as my mind lost its senses. It took me some time to register what he was saying.

Tears fell from my eyes as I gasped when my senses came back. I looked at him as he was grinning at me.

I hugged him and began to cry out loud. He rubbed my back.

"Get ready, we are going to meet him." He hugged me back.

"Thank you, Christian. If it wasn't for you.." I cried. He kissed my head and pulled away slowly. He smiled and wiped my tears with his thumb,

"I should be thanking you.. for coming into my life." His words were genuine. It made me feel like these words are not for my consolation rather, he actually meant it.

He looked at me sweetly and was about to kiss my forehead but pulled away as he took a step back.

He was smiling but I can see the distress behind that smile. I took a step closer and kissed him on the cheeks and smiled.

"Thank you," I whispered and went to my room to get ready to meet Eugene. I felt so happy. My content is beyond anyone's understanding.

The day I strive for, finally came, now, everything will be alright.