Chapter 24: Chapter 24

I heard another sniffle and turned on the lights only to find out Christian there.

He was trembling in fear, he gasped when he looked at me,

"Turn off the lights!" He shouted.

“What the-” I cannot find words to explain what's in my mind. No words can describe what crossed my mind.

A sudden knot was felt by my heart by seeing him like this.

Though he is the first person I want to see like this, to suffer and burn endlessly.

“Christian?”

He was sitting on the floor hugging his knees, quivering like crazy. Swallowing hard, I walked closer and looked at him. His face was hidden in his knees.

"Turn off the lights... I deserve it.." He sobbed.

“Leave me in darkness…” The sound of his cry made my heart heavy.

‘He made me cry so much then why did his cries make me sad too?’

I should be happy and let him suffer, but I am not cruel like him. I bend and called his name softly,

"Christian..." I hesitantly put my hand over his back as he flinched, he looked at me with those teary eyes.

“Sophie…” A strong smell of alcohol filled my nostrils.

Is he drunk?

"I hurted you.. I deserved to be punished." He said. His body was trembling violently, his cheeks were glistened with tears, he was in a state of ravage.

“What are you trying to prove by this?” I asked coldly but my tone was low.

“Nothing… I just want to hurt myself for hurting you.” He whispered, hugging himself like a child fearing the monsters under his bed.

‘Why is he doing this to him?’

Just at the party he was unaffected and now he is filled with incomprehensible penitence.

"You're afraid of the dark? Do you suffer from... Nyctophobia?" I asked.

He nodded and wiped his tears and said, "Yes.. I do..”

“I am so bad, I couldn’t protect you, I failed my duties, I failed everyone. I can’t do anything. I hurt you so much.” He sniffed, tears glistening on his cheeks, lips quivering to speak further.

“That's why I want to inflict that sanction on myself. I hurt you. I was so lost in my fears that I broke you. I deserve this." My lips formed a thin line as I remained still with two choices.

Leave him and let him suffer or soothe him.

Here I was looking for him for liberation and...

I inhaled and slowly rubbed his back,

"Why are you scared?" I asked faintly.

"I am afraid of your love, of my love. I am frightened of loving someone because people I love leave me, Merlin, mother, everyone.." He began to cry again.

“I am such a coward for taking advantage of your powerlessness. For breaking the last faith you had in me. I am so sorry for taking it away from you.”

He whispered breathless, desperately, losing himself in the chastise he gave himself.

My expression softened looking at him like that. I sat beside him as I continued to rub his back.

After a brief silence, he spoke up again,

"You know why there's a ceiling fan only in this room?..." I looked up and saw a fan and shook my head no. He let out an empty laugh and said.

"There used to be our sweet home right here and right here my mother attempt suicide by hanging herself from the fan.” I blinked, thinking I heard wrong.

“This room is the most frightening room in the mansion. I could see Mother hanging there, disappointed in me." He cried, pulling his hair, horrified to no extent.

“And all I could remember was her resentment, I could never forget the last look she gave me… A part of me died the day she died.” Tears streamed down his face.

“H-Her body was hanging in the air.. Why did she punish me like this? Why did she leave me?” His cries echoed in the room.

I felt so bad for him, I pity him. I shouldn’t but I did.

His words are so heartbreaking. I don't even want to know how sorrowful it must be.

"There was darkness everywhere, I used to call for help but no one came.. not even you. I cried for help, I was so alone... When you were mine then why didn't you come to save me?" He cried.

What? I wanted to ask him what he was talking about but I decided not to.

"But, I am here." I said as I looked at him.

“I am so sorry for choosing Merlin, I am so sorry for neglecting you. I am sorry, Sophie.” He sobbed.

What. the. hell?

"When you hate me then why aren't you letting me suffer?" I formed a sad smile and lower my gaze,

"Because I know what suffering is and I don't want anyone to go through that.. not even you.." He stared at me for a second and suddenly hugged me.

I was taken aback by his action as I moved my hands away from him and a dread took over me under his touch.

‘Get Away.. I don't care about your condition. Don't you dare to touch me after what you have done.’

"I never want to hurt you. I was never like this. I don't want to." He wept again.

He began to cry out loud and I felt my heart stabbed, his words; they are painful.

I pressed my palm on the ground as I bit my lips not wanting to feel any compassion for him.

He doesn’t deserve any pity from me and I will never give him.

"Everyone says that you can save me from those apprehensions but I am far too insecure. I think that you'll leave me too. That the moment I fall for you, I can no longer hold you close. I am scared!"

“I am sorry, I am sorry, I am so sorry!” This is overwhelming for me, I cannot bear to listen to these words. I don't want to feel any sympathy for him.

Tears brimmed in my eyes as I remained like that trying to console him with nothing but a shush.

"You think I have hurt you but your presence also hurt me and I lost myself in that and did the unwanted thing to you.” He cried loudly.

“Whenever I look at you, I get terrified that you might save me and then break me and I unintentionally did a lot of wrong things to you.” He confessed his feelings and I was stunned to react.

“Even if my deeds are unforgivable, please forgive me. Please… I strayed from my path. Please forgive me.. I broke my promise. I am so sorry, I am sorry.. Please.."

Not wanting to hear any of those because I know they might melt my heart. I remained silent and helped him to stand.

I wrapped his one hand around my shoulder and mine to his waist and took him to our room.

He is drunk, it's better to forget that anything like this ever happened.

I am sure neither me nor him want to remember it.

I put him on the bed and removed his coat then his shoes. I was about to leave but he held my hand and gave me a pleading look,

"Please don't leave, just for today.. hold me close. Please. Please. Please. Please. " he continued to plead.

I gave him an infuriated look not wanting to feel his revolting warmth, I still haven't forgotten about last night.

I pleaded with him just like that as he never took pity upon me.

‘I begged you in the same way but what did you do? You shattered me!’

I kept begging but you never give a damn.

I looked at his devastated form for a while and gave him a look filled with hate and pulled my hand away and turned and left him there... all alone in the dark…