Chapter 19: Chapter 19

I was sitting in the hall with a scowl. I pulled my hair in frustration. It's been a month of our marriage and I am amazed at the fact that I survived these dreadful days.

Staying in this house filled with extreme horrors is causing me to lose my sanity. I felt so void- like a lifeless being.

Used over and over again and breaking painfully slow, it's getting harder to stay normal; Either my fears or my depression eats me up.

‘Oh, Eugene, please recover quickly, I want to free myself.’

I was already filled with intense loathe and abhor and Christian came here to ignite that fire more. He stood in front of me as I stood up and looked at him coldly.

"We are going to a party tonight." He said coldly.

"What party?" I asked with the same tone.

"A business party."

"There's no need for me to come then." I said looking away.

"You have to. You are my wife. Everyone wants to see my wife." He said as I lost myself.

A scornfully derisive laugh escaped my lips as I raised my eyebrow and sneered and looked at Christian who was giving me his usual icy look.

"Well, that's news to me that my worth is more than a mere toy." The sound of my laugh echoed through the empty hall.

“I don’t recall calling you a toy, even once.” His eyes are sending me daggers to shut my mouth but I can't do it, at least, just for once, I want to talk back to him.

"I didn't know you considered me as your wife." I said putting a hand on my waist. Living in this hell has made me go insane.

“You have obligations as my wife. I said on the very first day, didn’t I?” He asked nonchalantly. Comprehending my fears or his intimidation is beyond my capabilities right now and I am thankful for it.

"But you know what? I am fine being called a toy rather than being called your wife. Go alone, they don't want to meet a toy " I scoffed.

"Shut it, Sophie ." He said calmly but threateningly.

“Why are you making an ordeal out of nothing? What did I do?” He asked.

My lips curved in a smirk as I mocked, "What? I only spoke the truth."

"You are testing my patience." He said in a low voice, holding his anger.

I ‘narrowed’ my eyes at him in anger and retorted,

"What else can you do other than intimidating and defiling me?" And I know that was the last straw as his jaw clenched and he took a step towards me.

“Defile? I never forced myself on you. You are acting as if you never intend to share intercourse with your husband, huh?” I, who has no intentions of facing his wrath. I turned but he grabbed my hand.

“Let me go.” I hissed.

“No, Answer. If you marry someone else, would you still say the same?” He growled. I know he was right but I won’t accept it.

“We are different.” I replied, yanking my hand.

“Different? How come? Just because we signed a contract doesn’t mean we are different. We consummated our bond, I am helping your Brother and Mother- What I would anyways even if we didn’t sign a contract so what is the difference?” He was losing his forbearance by my constant taunts and actions.

“I didn’t want it. Who told you to sign it, huh? Stop putting the blame on me. You agreed for ‘no resistance’ yet I stop when you tell me to.” He snarled, taking a step closer.

Taking a step back, I averted my gaze, biting my bottom lip. I felt degenerated. “I was not physically ready.” I reasoned.

“Oh, are you a kid or illiterate who couldn’t read, hmm? Was the context of our contract too vague? Or were you too innocent to not know what sexual intercourse mean?” He snickered, mocking me.

I curled my hands in a fist, looking away. “Admit it, Sophie, you don’t want to give us a chance, you don’t want anything but hate to exist. You are willingly finding reasons to hate me.” His voice softened in dejection.

Shaking his head in disappointment and that was true. I truly don’t want to give him or us a chance.

“I am sick of hearing this. I do everything a normal husband would do, I never degraded you, never cursed you, but you always put me in the wrong.” He said, purely disheartened about my mien.

“Why do you agree, huh? You were happy in your little life, right? Then why do you sign the fucking contract?” He growled, moving back, running his hand in his hairs, cursing under his breath.

“I had no choice.” I whispered, looking away.

“I only beckoned you, it was your call. ‘Your’ choice, Sophie.” He enunciated, pointing his finger in contempt, the rage emitting from him stiff me. I wanted to argue but I had no retort.

"I'll abide by the requirements of the contract. I'll be ready." I said inaudibly, holding my arm, feeling ashamed but glancing at me for a second, he left.

I went to our room and grit my teeth in anger. I took a deep breath and fell on the bed and tried to drift to sleep but before I could feel the reprieve from this tormenting reality, I heard the creaking sound of the door being opened and then closed.

‘What more do you want to say?’

My heart skipped a beat as I remained still, in this month, none of my emotions lowered but now I can hide them.

Even when my body was consumed with dread or repulsion, I remained still and cold. I was waiting for him to do anything but instead I heard his voice,

"Since you have learned how to talk back.. How about I truly show you what authorities you gave me? What I can do and my Dear…” Letting out a suppressed laugh, he lead down to my ears,

“You have given me all your consent.”

I let out an empty laugh and replied without opening my eyes, "Didn't you find this demeanor of mine amusing?"

My words provoked him as he grabbed my wrist and I can feel his superior presence hovering over my inferior one.

I didn't open my eyes but I can feel the anger emerging from him which is causing a disruption in my mind.

"It's still amusing, but love..." He continued and moved to my ears, brushing his lips against my skin and letting out deep breaths evoking aversion and unwanted feelings in me.

"Those apprehensions..." He whispered in my ears and kissed my earlobe slightly. He put my hands above my head with his one hand while his other hand caress my cheek as he whispered on my neck this time,

"That disgust..." He kissed my neck and moved to my shoulder and kissed it and came again to my neck and then moved as I felt his breath on my lips this time,

"And especially this Hate..." He said huskily as our lips brushed against each other and he kissed me. He moved his lips slowly and with such tenderness which always made me think that it is affection but I know it's not. It's just his desire.

"All of them are bliss..." He completed his sentence.

I curled my toes not wanting to feel the heat emitting from him that would taint me more. I slowly opened my eyes and gave him the look he craved to see- Detest.

Letting out a quiet yet menacing laugh, he looks at me like he is so pleased to see that look.

His eyes are almost relieved like always. It always lingered in my mind why he likes my hate. Why does he want me to hate him?

He moved back a little as I plopped on my elbows and looked at him,

"Why?" I asked. He raised his eyebrow as I completed my sentence,

"Why do you feel relieved when I look at you with hatred?" I asked him the question that was bothering me a lot.

“Why my resentment is your satisfaction?” His expression turned into an astonished one for a second but it was soon replaced by such seriousness I have never seen before. It wasn't amusement or anger or dominance, It was such a severe serious look which caused adrenaline to rush through my veins.

He held the collar of my shirt and pulled me close, "Tell me, which emotion do you feel for me?" His voice was so stern, it's scary.

Not wanting to attempt any wrong move, I cautiously answered,

"Hate." I breathed out because whenever he heard it, he was pleased and it’s the only way to escape his dire gaze of mystifying emotions.

"Good." He said as he let me go as I fell on the bed and he stood up.

"No other emotions should exist between us." He said and turned to leave.

“Why did you say those things then?” I asked breathlessly.

“Let’s say I got swayed in the emotions. I won’t. Again.” He replied without thinking.

"You are deliberately making me hate you, don't you?" I asked again.

I am amazed that I said that; such an absurd question. I shouldn't have asked, not in this situation where he is losing his patience but I did.

He ignored my question and turned to look at me,

"Today, I'll embed the actual feeling of being ‘defiled’ in you." He announced as my blood turned cold.

"So you have decided to show your actual desires with or without my consent and spare me some mercy?" I asked, jeering at him.

“You should know what being forced feels like to realize what I did till now was nothing.”

“Meaning rape me?”

“It won’t be rape. I have your written consent with me. I can do whatever, wherever, however I want.” He smirked sinfully and I realized what mistake I had made.

“You are in my palm, Sophie and get ready, tonight you will have a true reason to detest me.” With a menacing laugh, he left me all alone in my misery.

My heart skipped a beat as I lost myself in the apparitions of what will happen to me. Oh my God, I evoked these thoughts in his mind, what he’ll do is scaring me.

But, when he said no emotions will be present between us and now he is the one wanting me to feel hatred for him.

Giving me the reason to hate him more than I already do.