Chapter 38: Chapter 38

- Tensed cloud

James's pov

I didn't know how to go about it. Where do I start telling her? How'd I break the news about our betrothal to her? How do I tell her we were put into shit before she was even born? Where do I start? Those were the questions in my head as I placed both thumbs on the lock print to open the door.

As soon as my eyes landed on the chair, I slumped down, not tiredly. If anything rage cussed through me. The rage that my dad knew where Zara was and still said for me to allow the FBI to handle it. I couldn't get it out of my head. I wanted to take them down and I was ready to do anything to.

I patted beside me for her to sit next to me. It was one thing to have rage cursing through me, it was another thing to have the strength to break the new to Dei. Not just about Zara, but about us. About the shit we were born into. Same shit they had dragged Zara into. The more I thought of it, the angrier I got.

I gathered the strength to tell her about Zara's abduction, from where I didn't know. Something told me from the affectionate squeezing of her hands, the little back rubs, and the knowledge that she was there.

When she said she thought I'd have gone to the police with the information, I thought: any normal person would've. Any normal person isn't born into an undercover cartel that works in cahoots with the FBI.

"Authorities are aware. There's more to it than you think," I said instead.

"Then explain. Tell me the 'more'."

I shut my eyes so tight that it hurt. "I don't think now's the right time."

I wasn't ready to be on that verge of losing her when I hadn't even gotten her. If I told her then her turning away from what we have would be fifty-fifty. She might get upset and later calm down or she might get upset and never calm down. She was paradoxical like that. But if one thing was sure, it was that she would get upset. Vexed even. Raged.

Dei didn't have to talk before anyone placed her as a woman who was in charge of her life. The last time she felt her life was being dictated she went away to LA. Somehow she ran away from me and came back to me, and now it happened to be that she was always going to come back to me from me. And that was what might spite her. I couldn't risk us. I couldn't risk her. Not yet.

"Don't feed me that crap. Something's happening. There's this tensed cloud and it sure is hovering."

I shifted her closer to me. "Calm down, Dei. How are you so sure that this 'tensed cloud'." I made air quotes. "as you refer to it— is hovering over you?"

"Instincts."

Damn female intuitions. Too smart and right for their good.

"I'd say that's pride that you want to be right. You might think the whole cloud is hovering directly under your head. You think the world revolves around you?" As I said the words her demeanor changed.

Just what I needed. A distraction. Dei wasn't the proud type, but her getting upset would be the perfect drift I needed away from the 'tense cloud' subject.

She smiled when I expected a frown. "You know what?" She asked but didn't wait for a reply before she continued. "I think you're trying to get me upset just to drift away from the subject.''

Shit. Why did she have to be fucking smart? I groaned inwardly.

I couldn't suppress the smile that crept up my face despite the shrug.

"See?" she pointed to my face, giggling. "See?"

I giggled also, touching my index finger to the tip of her perfectly sculptured nose. "Why do you've to be such a smart ass?"

"Sure I'm smart. But I ain't an ass. You didn't have to put ass?"

"I made a statement of about..." I did a count mentally. "eight words. And all you had to pick was ass "

"Yeah, ass."

"Did you just call me an ass?" I feigned a scowl.

"Wipe that frown off," she demanded with wit touching my chin. It made me smile when she quickly retreated her hand. It was so her.

My eyes roamed her face with admiration. All traces of jokes are gone.

"What?" she asked defensively.

I continued to stare at her, lost in her beauty. By her person. The whole of her. And I wanted to kiss her so bad. I wanted her. Craved her. But then the reminder of her phobias nudged me as it always did when I craved her to the extent I was at. And then there was the rage nudging me as a reminder that Zara still wasn't safe.

"Jamy?" she called waving her hand over my eyes. That got my attention.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts."Yes?"

"What was that? You scared me for a moment."

I let out a titter. I bet if she knew what was running through my mind she'd be out of here in a matter of seconds.

"It's nothing," I assured her.

"Are you sure? Is it Zara?"

I shook my head as the atmosphere started to change into an unpleasant one again. I was bothered about my sister, but there was little I could do. I didn't even know the cartel that had her. Dad refused to mention them to me— if he had I would be out in a search for her already. It pained me the most that my hands were tied.

But my thoughts had diverted for a few seconds of lust. "No.''

She gave me a look that said she didn't believe me.

"Of course I'm bothered about my sister. But that wasn't about her."

"What was it about then?"

"You." It was out of my mouth before I could think.

Silence.

A very tense silence, but nothing to do with the tensed cloud Dei was talking about. The silence wasn't disturbing, tingling, yes, but it wasn't disturbing. It was full of sexual tension.

I made the first move, reaching for her jaw to tilt her head up. Then I did what I craved— descended on her lips. Slowly. When our lips touched —like every other time— it was magical. I nibbled her bottom lips, but she didn't open up, instead, she slipped her tongue deep into my mouth. Her tongue danced with so much expertise, sending a convulsing electric to travel through me.

I started to feel a growing erection, underneath my pants. Calm the fuck down, I scolded myself.

Lips locked, her hands wrapped around my neck to urge me closer. My own hands were all over. On her back, tighs, hair, neck. When I caressed her breast she sighed into my mouth, but when I grazed a nipple she moaned. A delicious sound. Traveling down her bottom, I couldn't get my hands all over the roundness of it as she was sitting down.

Still busy making love with our mouths, she raised herself to settle on my lap. I paused, breaking away when I felt her butt on my erection. Shit, I held back a groaned. If this was death, then I'd die happy.

I looked at her brown orbs and saw beauty, lust, passion, and love, then thought: If her eyes were as dilated as they were, mine would be worse—I wanted her so bad.

This time it was her lips that descended on mine. She took control of the kiss, all intuitions of the tensed clouds forgotten. Like me, she wanted. And she took, digging her fingers into my hair to massage my scalp, suckling my lips and driving me crazy with lust when she began to move on top of me.

My hands traveled down her butt again, this time getting enough to squeeze. She moaned into my mouth, increasing the pace at which she was grinding on me. I felt my erection growing harder and bigger. Harder and harder. And thought, if this woman was the death of me, then let me die sweetly.

She stopped to bit my lips softly then giggled.

'"What?" I asked my voice hoarse. I was surprised words came out at all.

"Someth-" she started then stopped, shaking her head before placing her forehead on mine.

Eyes to eyes.

"You can talk. We are alone and it's okay to talk dirty with me."

She bit her lips still holding my eyes. God did she look hot. I didn't think I'd be able to not take her right where we sat. My buldge was going harder by the second— if that was even possible. But it was all in her hands, I was letting her set the pace as I was careful not to trigger her phobias.

"Something's poking me from under," she admitted shyly.

I chuckled. I didn't hold it. She sounded so innocent.

She removed her forehead from mine. "What? Don't laugh at me," she whined pouting.

I giggled. "I'm not. You just looked so cute when the words left your mouth. Even though I know you aren't so innocent. In experiences yes, in knowledge, no."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course I know your dick is hard as hell right now."

"Nothing makes me happier." I rested my forehead on hers again. "I love you."

"I love you." Her voice was so low.

This was it. My chance, I was going to take it while even if it only lasted for a day or some hours? I'd take it before the truth was laid in front of her.

"Then be mine." I held her eyes. "Be my girl. Please?"

She bit her lips, trying to suppress a smile. "Yes."

"Yes?"

''Yes, we're officially an item. Or do you need me to elaborate?"

I smiled at her sass. "No, I get it, babe." I licked her lips.

"Already?"

"Yeah, babe."

She chuckled.

I rested my back on the chair —that way there was a little gap between us— just to stare at my hot cup of chocolate. Mine! Fucking mine, I thought, joy cussing through me.

"Yes," I said through grunted teeth.

She titled her head backward and laughed heartedly. I watched her beautiful face, filled with light. She looked so happy. We were so happy. But that knot formed again, the revelation might snatch this away from us.

I caressed her face when her laughs died down. "I love you."

'"And I love you Jamy. I love you and I never stopped loving you."

It made my heart swell that I wasn't the only one that never fell out of love.

"I never stopped loving you, Dei. And I'll never stop. Never."

"Then show me."

"Gladly."

She shifted her head to the side when I brought my face closer. "No, don't just kiss me. Make love to me. Help me overcome my fears."

Dread.

Dread filled me.

"Are you sure?" I didn't try to keep the concern away from my voice.

"Yes, please." she grounded on me again to show me.

Then she was going real fast, her head thrown back as she bit her lips and made sounds of pleasure.

Fuck me, I growled inwardly.

I placed my hands on her back to stop her because I was going to explode if she didn't stop and I needed her lips on mine. So I took it. Softly suckling it into my mouth.

I fondled her breast, groaning when I found there was still a barrier. I pulled the shirt off her through her head with a little help from her. Her bra was one of those that had their clasp at the front. She unclasped it, pulling it off her shoulder and tossing it carelessly to the ground.

My breath ragged as my eyes fell on her breasts. There were amazing. So round and plump. Her nipples were dark and beautiful, my mouth watered in anticipation of touching them, sucking them. I didn't have to anticipate much as she brought my head down on her chest.

I didn't waste time in darting my tongue to flick on her nipples. I squeezed and pinched the right nipple while I bit sucked, and licked the left. Her cries were what told me she was overly sensitive there.

On a particular nibble, she screamed "Please".

"Please what?"

"I'm going to... oh God." She racked on her hair, pulling and I knew she was frustrated.

"Going to what?" I resisted the urge to smirk.

"I'm going to have a nip-gasm if you continue. I'm going to burst." Her breaths came out in pants.

"Do you want to?"

"No just..." she pulled on her hair again. "Just fuck me, please."

"Fuck," I grunted knowing this was it. I couldn't hold back any longer.

I stood up, her legs wrapped around me.

"Where are-"

"Upstairs. My room. Need a bed." I gave her lips one more nibble for it to linger.

She sighed when I laid her down on my bed. I climbed up to her, claiming her lips when she held my face. My hand went to her nipples, grazing, and flickering.

"Please," she moaned just as she'd been doing more times than I could count.

I trailed my hand down her thigh and then inside her thighs, enough to build her anticipation but never touching her where she wanted the most.

"Just touch me," she wailed.

I almost laughed. She looked so beautiful and lust-filled, it took a strong will to go slow, wanting to make her first time special and not devour her in a rush.

"Touch you where?"

"There."

I chortled. I wanted her to say it. Wanted to craze with need. More than she already was. "Where's there?"

"Just fucking touch my pussy." Her eyes widened in the realization of what she had said.

"You did good baby, see. Pussy. You. Said. It." I planted kisses from her lips to her chest, and her tummy as I said each word.

I pulled her denim pants down her legs, followed by her sexy black thong. There was something about a woman in a black tongue, writhing on the bed with want for me that almost maze me cum in my pants.

Her toes twitched when I kissed them before climbing up her body.

She whimpered when I kissed her cunt, hovering for a second before coming down on her center. Right where she needed.

When she bucked up, her body shaking, I brought her back to my mouth, holding her thighs down to keep her from buckling away again.

I moaned as I tasted her. She tasted so good. When I did a long swipe, from her pussy hole to her clit, I latched, continuing even when she cried out, struggling to buckle away and at the same time holding my head in place. Then she began to ride my mouth, hard.

When I pressed my tongue to her clit as I pinched her breast, that did it. The dam broke loose and she came hard. Her moans were the most beautiful sounds to ever fill my ears. She cried my name amongst other incoherent words.

I latched every drop of her cum and then kissed up to her lips.

"Oh, God." She was breathless. "Oh, God. I almost died there. A sweet death."

She kissed me then.