Chapter 27: Chapter 27

Luke watched me, a deep, swirling emotion filling his eyes as he did. I managed a small, breathless smile.

I am falling for him. For a man who's dead. Falling for the image of him from seven years into the past.

He mirrored my smile, and I immediately turned away. If I sat there watching him smile, watching his orbs, I couldn't trust myself to be rational. I opened the car door and went out, holding the cookies and my purse, my walk a little staggered.

"Take care, Karla." He called after me and I nodded and waved, then ran into my house. I closed the door behind me and leaned on it, closing my eyes and letting go of the purse and everything else.

"What do I do?" I asked myself, my heart fluttering hard. I could still feel the tingles his lips had left on the side of my lips, the tingles his touch left in my hand, the butterflies his gaze left in my stomach.

I let myself reach the ground and I brought ny knees to myself, hugging myself. I can't do this. I can't break my own heart like this.

I searched around the mess I made on the floor, my heart jumping at the sight of the cookie box. It was still intact, and I moved it to get my phone.

I searched for Bernice's number and sighed a little. Would she answer me? After what happened between us?

I swallowed and called, my chest heaving. She picked up after two rings.

"Hello?"

I swallowed. "Bernice? I need you right now. Please."

"What? I saw you yesterday but..."

I closed my eyes. That wasn't me. It was, but..."Just...please just...come over. Please talk to me. Please come to me."

She went silent for a second. "I am on my way. Stop being so shaky, you are the strongest amongst us."

I nodded, then kept the phone back and leaned on the door again, taking in short breaths. Nothing worked and I stood up and made my way to my bedroom. I curled myself up and closed my eyes. The image of Luke's still body in the coffin on his wake, his headstone and the inscriptions on it...I swallowed. No.

Bernice arrived in thirty minutes and she let herself in.

"What happened here?" She picked up the cookie box and the stuff on the floor, and put them on the bedside. "Karla?"

I sat up weakly and she came to me. Once she did, I wrapped my arms around her, finally letting my tears flow. These are the tears of someone that knows she is becoming greedy. Greedy for something that she should never have coveted in the first place.

"Hey. What's wrong?" Bernice asked, weaving her hand through my hair. "What happened? Talk to me."

She forced me to release her as she sat on the bed and turned to me, her eyes boring into mine.

"I feel...I feel something that I shouldn't be feeling. I am wanting...something that I shouldn't be wanting, Bernice. I am becoming greedy for more...when I should want less. I am pushing everything that stands...everything that I know will prevail..for something that I know will not."

Bernice studied me for a while. "What do you mean, Karla?"

I swallowed and shook my head. Seeing that I couldn't say anything anymore, she brought me to lean on her shoulder to rest, and I leaned there, crying the suffocation in my chest out.

She stayed like that with me till I fell asleep, pushing everything to the back of my mind, knowing for sure that when I wake up, they will come back right up, like I never took care of them.

I woke up much later and Bernice had fixed mac and cheese for the both of us. She had also helped me tidy up, and had changed into one of my clothes. I was glad she was sleeping over, and I smiled at her once she came in.

"Thank you, Bernice." I said to her.

She rolled her eyes. "What are friends for? Let's eat."

I nodded. "I will shower first."

She nodded and walked away. I got off the bed and headed for the shower, and stood under it, the water pelting down, just like I wished my worries would. But you don't get whatever you want, and I found my mind drifting.

'Is this...the part where we kiss?'

I shook my head, the image of his black eyes meeting mine, the intensity in them. I looked down at my neck, the necklace dangled as I leaned and I swallowed and looked away.

I could neither bring myself to look at it, neither could I bring myself to throw it away.

I walked out of the shower and wore a comfy large hoodie, then made it to the sitting room where Bernice was playing a few songs.

She joined me and we ate cheerily, talking about anything and everything, except the one thing I wanted to talk about.

When we were done, she leaned back and looked at me, and I knew she was serious.

"Did he hurt you?"

I looked down at my fingers. "Who?"

"The guy, Luke. Did he hurt you?"

My eyes widened. "How do you know Luke?"

"He called twice and I answered the second time. He said he just called to check on you, and make sure you were okay. I thought you guys were close, so I told him you were crying when I came."

I gave a long sigh. "You really said that?"

She nodded. "Is he your boyfriend?"

I shook my head. "He is something that can't be mine."

She leaned forward. "Is he married?"

I laughed. "Yeah. To me."

She eyed me and shook her head. "I now get it. You were missing me."

I smiled at her and nodded. She laughed. "I will sleep over, okay?"

I nodded as she stood up, probably to go to the bathroom. I strolled out and stood by the door, letting my eyes take in the sky. I swallowed nervously once I saw a familiar car pull up close to me.

Luke walked out of it and he started to run lightly towards me. I immediately turned back in and closed the door, my heart thumping wildly in my chest.

I can't do this. In the end, I am the one who will be left with the memories. In the end, I am the one who will be lost.

"Karma?" I could hear the surprise in his voice. I shook my head, tears filling my eyes. Hell, I don't want to do this.

"Luke, just go." I said. My hands were placed on the door, my back to it.

"Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?"

No. But everything was wrong. The fact that I came back here, the fact that I am falling in love with him...it was all wrong.

"I just...I caught a cold and...I don't want you to get it too."

"I don't mind, Karla." he said and I shook my head.

"Just go."

He was silent for a while, and I heard his feet shuffle. "I will check on you tomorrow, then."

I didn't reply. I just stood there, fresh tears falling again, cementing the path of a love so beautiful, yet so painful.