Chapter 63: Chapter 63

It's been a week now since Kendric called me, and it seems like he really meant it when he texted me a week ago that I should only chat with him if I've already finished talking to my mother. He's been pushing me to do it—not too much, but he's giving me hints that I should do it. On my side, I want to take it slow.

Mom has left a big hole in my heart ever since, and I can only forgive her once I finally forgive myself too. I've been so harsh to myself these past few years while I've been alone in a foreign country. I kept myself isolated from the people that I knew I could reach out to, and I only did that because I didn't want to burden them with all the things I needed to repair on my own. It's not being selfish, just like what mom called me. Gosh, even her words are still ringing in my ear.

Arielle's not around today because of the sudden board meeting, which, from what I heard, was very urgent, while Arianne is still in the room with our mother. I found out recently that Arianne already has free time from the university since she already defended her thesis. That's why she's the one who's been taking care of Mom the whole time. Ever since we were still little, Arianne really adored Mom over anyone else in this house, which is why they're much closer than me and Arielle.

I have a small project to attend to today since Deniece tried to persuade me last night if I could take a picture for their third anniversary as a couple, and I definitely agreed to that. I'll be away in the afternoon, and the only goal I have in mind when I enter the master's bedroom is to tell Arianne where I'm going, but unfortunately I can't find her. There's only Mom, who was quite shocked when I came in. She's still lying in bed.

"You're looking for someone?" She asked weakly.

"Arianne," I nodded and replied shortly.

"She went out for a moment to get me some coffee from the nearest coffee shop we've been going to since before," she explained.

"Okay, I'll just wait for her outside," I said, and I was about to get out of the room when she called my name. I looked back at her.

"Do you need anything?" I asked.

"Can you stay here for a while?" She asked back.

I sighed before I scratched the back of my head. I came in and sat in the farthest position I could get to. I'm only focusing on what she's been watching, and I can sense again that she's been watching me the whole time.

"Do you want to say something?" I asked just to end the awkward tension between us.

"I'm sorry, my dear," she suddenly said. "I'm sorry for all the things I've done before out of greed and selfishness. I know that I have been unfair, but I didn't mean to hurt you before, I swear."

I scoffed as I heard her cry. I couldn't have my tears running down my cheeks as if I had become tired from it.

"Did you even know what I've been through?" I scoffed once more. "I've completely lost my mind looking for a solution to all of our problems back then. I don't know what to do, and I even pushed myself to work all of a sudden to make myself a sacrificial lamb for this family. I don't even deserve all of that, and you expect me to forgive just because you're in pain right now?"

"I'm not asking for your sudden change of heart, dear," she said, shifting her body in my direction. "I'm hoping you can find forgiveness in your heart even if I'm not here anymore."

"Don't pull that dying card on me," I warned her.

"I'm still sorry for everything that happened to you, my dear."

After what she said, I got out of the room, as I suddenly felt stuffy and all. I also don't want to ruin my mood for my client later. But there's one thing that struck me after all the things she said.

It's her sincerity.

I could hear it from the moment she said she was sorry. But I can't forgive right now when I'm not even forgiving myself yet.

…

Hours later, I went out to meet Deniece and CJ for their request. I was busy setting up the camera when CJ sat meters away from me, watching me do my thing.

"I heard from Deniece what you've been through," CJ suddenly started the conversation.

I just smiled at her and continued setting up my camera.

"She's pretty talkative about me, huh?" I asked her.

"She told me once that she really felt bad for you before, and she's hoping that you can realize that everything that happened before was not really your fault at all."

I paused for a minute.

It's true, though. Everything that happened to me was never my fault, yet the guilt that I have put on my shoulders up until now is still heavy enough for me to carry. This is not a punishment for me being reckless; I'm just a victim of bad timing and the wrong treatment.

CJ tapped my shoulders before she spoke again.

"Loosen up the weight in your heart; you're free now."

After our small talk, CJ went inside their house again, and I was left thinking about what she said. Maybe she's right; gosh, I don't want to think of anything right now, but she left a big impact on what I'm feeling.

When they both got outside, I acted like nothing happened and proceeded to take a picture of them together. It's a fun photoshoot knowing that they designed their front yard just because of this thing. They are covered with flowers, and all the colors they picked were pastel shades. It was already 6 o'clock in the evening when I told them that I should go back home. I told them that I could just send them a folder through email after.

I told Reagan to pick me up since I don't want to commute right now. I was already in our van when I deeply sighed and covered my eyes for a moment. I felt tears pouring suddenly from my eyes. I tried to wipe it off my face and bring a notebook and a pen out of my bag.

I texted Kendric about what's happening to me right now before I wrote something on the paper.

…

Mom,

I'm not courageous enough to say it in front of you right now, but I don't want you to lose hope. I hope you can wait for me to forgive you. These past few years were quite hard for me to handle, and I hope you can understand that I still needed time for myself. I love you. That thing will never change.

With love,

Angela

…

After I wrote the letter for my mother, I told Reagan to tell the management that I wanted our private plane now. I want to go back to New York City right now. I'll just tell my sisters what happened if I get there. I also told Reagan to get the letter that I wrote to my mom.

When we got to the airport already, Reagan was still busy making some calls for my urgent thing when someone tapped my shoulders behind my back.

I looked back, and I was stunned for a moment.

What is he doing here?

"I just texted you," I said softly.

"Yeah, I just received it seconds ago because I was on board a while ago," he said with a smile on his face.

My lips parted as I saw him in front of me. This feels surreal.

He sighed and smiled before he hugged me so tight.

"Finally, I'm home."