Chapter 40: Chapter 40

I continue listening to their conversation in secret. I just can’t believe what I heard. How will I face Dmitri knowing all about this? How will Dee react? Will he distance himself again? Or will he hold it against me or Kendra? How about K? Should I tell her or not?

My mind is so confused right now that I can’t even take another step towards them, so I decided to just go back to Kendra’s, who seems not so herself today. I thought, does she know about all of this? Curiously, I ask her.

“Err, K, I hope you won’t be mad, but, did you ever research about Nikolai’s family or his wife specifically?” then I let out a sigh and wait for her to answer.

She looks at me with those reddish eyes probably from throwing up earlier. Then she asks me to come to her and softly answers, “Honestly? No. I tried to look it up before but every time I do, I just can’t seem to look at them: the family I am destroying, the woman who’s hurting, the innocent kids who are about to lose their father.”

Then her tears flow nonstop. And I listen to her silently, “I hate being a mistress, but I love being loved by Nik. I know and I could feel that he loves me a lot. But is love enough to stay together?”

Her question strikes my heart deeply. That’s the question I’ve asked endless times when I was with Seigfried, and it has been answered recently when I know that I am damn in love with Dmitri. So I just simply nod my head, not knowing what’s the right word to say.

“A, should I break up with him?”, Kendra asks me, “Lately, I could see and feel how stressed he is with his wife, and I can’t do anything to help him.”

Surprised by her question, I quickly blurt out, “Of course, you shouldn’t. You love each other very much, and you said it yourself, he’s working very hard to free himself with that arranged marriage.” The word slipped my mind. I want to sew my loud mouth right now.

“Arranged marriage? I never told you about it, how did you know?” Kendra’s flabbergasted with what I said.

Trying to find an excuse, “Err, what I mean is, it’s obvious. He is rich, isn’t that the way with them?” She looks at me with a doubting look, but because of her drunkenness, she simply gives up.

“Yeah, maybe,” she says. And I sigh deeply. I pat her back to comfort her, and at the back of my mind, “I am sorry, K. I can’t hurt you any longer. I must keep this to myself. Please don’t take it badly. Please?”

Before our conversation goes deeper, the two men finally return. I immediately and discreetly check their faces to ensure no fights happen between them. Fortunately, they are both civilized and reasonable billionaires who don’t like causing a mess.

Although I could see some wrinkles on both their shirts, so I pretend I didn’t know anything and asked them, “What happened to your shirts?”

They just shrug their shoulders and didn’t answer. I went back to our place, so Nikolai can sit beside K, and Dmitri can join me.

Not long, K and Nikolai get ready to leave the bar since K isn’t feeling very well today. So the two of us are left in the VVIP room. At some point, I feel awkward knowing the truth, but I needed to pretend that I know nothing for the sake of both our relationships.

So Dmitri orders more drinks and he keeps it coming. I dance to the tune while Dmitri watches me get wasted. And since I am intoxicated with alcohol, I boldly ask him, “So Dmitri, where have you been? You didn’t contact me for many months. I was worried you already forgot about me.”

He taps his shoes with the rhythm and smiles at me, he drinks a shot of brandy before answering my questions, “Well I was in and out of The States, but mostly, I am at the office in New York.”

Hearing him casually says he was just a few miles away from me, makes my surroundings spin even more. It feels as if I was taken back to those few months of agony while missing him. It breaks my heart to know that it was his choice not to visit me at all. My mind feels exploding as if I want to curse at him big time.

My happy mood is suddenly ruined, so I ask him to drive me home, “Let’s go home, I remember I still have some things to do.” I hurriedly go down the stairs and bolt out at the entrance of the bar.

Then he caught my arm, “Hey, wait up, Ava. What now?”, he asks with his irate tone.

I scowl at him, “What now? Why don’t you ask yourself?” I shout at him, forgetting that we are in a public place.

“What did I do now?”, he looks puzzled, really unaware of his wrongdoing.

“Exactly Dee, you didn’t do anything, and then you casually said that you were in New York all this time as if it was nothing? How insensitive!” I shout.

“All this time, after breaking up with my boyfriend, after you left me, I was thinking about you the whole time, I was hoping you would show up my door, even just once. And yes, I admit, I was dying missing you every day,” the pain of knowing that he doesn’t even think of me during those whole times tears me apart. This is even more painful than the breakup I had with Seigfried.

“And if I showed up, what difference would it make? My feelings for you are still the same Ava,” he acclaims.

“Feelings? What feelings? Do you love me? Did you ever admit that you like me? We’re not even in a relationship, right? So, what are we?”, confused by his answer, tears flow down my face.

“We don’t need to be in a relationship to be in love. And yes, I like you, a lot. Isn’t that enough? I am sure you already know what I feel for you with the way I hold you,” he argues.

“You’re confusing me. How would I know what you want? How do I know if you love me, or you just simply want to get in between my legs, just like your other women?”, I sarcastically rebut.

“Are you hearing yourself right now, Ava? Do you really believe that I only just want to have sex with you? Huh? If I wanted that, I would have claimed it right away and left you hanging,” he angrily responds then pounds the entrance door of the bar.

“I don’t know anymore, because you won’t say anything, you won’t even admit that you love me, even now. You never once told me that you love me!” I raise my voice.

“Then, do you prefer being in a relationship with someone who always says he loves you and yet does things differently?”, he insults me with my past. “Because if that’s what you want then I think I have a different Ava in mind.”

A slap lands his face when I raised my hand out of rage, “Don’t you dare talk about my past relationship, you know nothing about the things I sacrificed for that jerk. And just so I thought that you were the one for me, I guess, you’re just another asshole.”

I turn my back at him and never look back.

“Get back here, Avery. Don’t you dare, turn your back on me, Avery!” he shouts desperately but I ignore him. The sooner I get the chance, I ride the cab and leave him.