Chapter 32: Chapter 32

She is taken aback. She straightens her posture and crosses her arms, her tattooed eyebrows flick and rise, but she knew I am not completely wrong, so she unexpectedly agrees with me, or so I thought, “You’re right! But you see-”, she’s not willing to back out, “He's been busy for your future. Maybe you should at least give him a little slack, no?”, she says as if her recommendation sounds more like a demand.

Her words echo repeatedly, and my heart retaliates. For the first time, I think I need to put her in her place. I just can’t let it pass. She doesn't even know what I've been through. She doesn't even know what his son did to me. I am just not anyone. I am not a pushover. And I know my self-worth, so with my head held high, “I think there's something you're not aware of, Barbara. You may think that given the fact that Seid and I dated almost a decade now, err, will ensure our future together. You see, your son made a terrible mistake, which you could ask him later by the way, and I am making myself clear now, that I am not desperate for his love, nor a pushover to forget what he just did.”

I could see dissatisfaction on her face but I don’t give a damn. She tries to pacify my anger, “No one says you are desperate. No one says you should forgive him right away, whatever it is, I am sure you can work it out together. And, once you become a part of our family, we can help you with your business.”

I snicker upon hearing her words, “Pardon? I don’t need anyone’s help with our business. Nor will I have a political or business marriage. I am doing just fine. We are doing fine. Sorry to disappoint you, Barb. But I won’t be the one begging Seid to marry me. If he wants to be with me, he should make an effort. He is even barely by my side these days, he never was.” I could hear my voice rising, Ms. Dale closes the door to secure our private conversation.

“You are not getting any younger. Why are you dilly-dallying? Don’t you want to get married to my son? You are a very lucky one, he likes you a lot.” She argues a nonsensical point.

Blood rises through my brain, “What the hell? He’s the lucky one I stayed by his side despite his absence! This is bullshit!”, I try to calm myself up before answering her, “As I said, if he really wants to marry me, or even be with me, he should have started paying more attention to me than his paperwork.”

“You are being unreasonable!”, she yells back at me now standing in front of me, “He is doing everything he could, to give you a great life. You are being immature. Remember who's the one who cheated. It was you, with that billionaire man, whatever his name is,” she clenches her luxurious bag as if she wants to beat me with it.

That's it, I can't tolerate this madness any longer. In spite of the rage I feel inside of me, I try to be civilized so I stay seated and look at her instead, “Barbara, you are out of line. Dmitri has nothing to do with any of this. And may I remind you, before I went to Austria, Seigfried already broke up, just try to inculcate it to your mind, will ya? There are so much better things to do than sticking your nose, to our business, oh, let me correct myself, my business. Now if you would excuse me, I still have a lot of work to do,” then I motion my hand to the door.

She aggravatedly yells, “Coming here was a mistake!”

Upon hearing the keyword, Ms. Dale shows up and assists her out of my office.

“Thank you for your visit, Barbara. Have a great day,” Ms. Dale politely says. She never looks back and I wait until she is gone. I unbutton my blazer and free myself of stress. I lay down on the couch and close my eyes for a bit.

"What a great start to the day. Seid, why did it come to all of this? If only you'd been a good boyfriend to me, I wouldn't risk myself going to Austria," my first thought brings me to tears.

But another thought makes its way to my brain, and my heart, "But going to Austria, I met Dmitri. And that reason, is enough, if there was a chance to go back to the past, I would still do the same thing," but just the thought of him makes a striking pain in my heart. I remember his face when he left me in front of my apartment building that night.

I thought he likes me. I thought he wants me, too. It turns out, I was just another woman passing by his life. I was that woman who didn't even deserve his second look. I cover my eyes to prevent Ms. Dale from seeing me cry, well, that is, if she comes to my office.

Oh, god. I miss him so much, his green eyes, his smiles, his laugh.

I miss his kiss.

I miss his touch.

And I, I miss having sex.

When can I get laid again?

Blame the hormones for it.

"Blame the hormes for it," I emphasized myself.