Chapter 136: Chapter 136

(Avery’s Thoughts)

“Babe, did it come out now?” Jeff yells behind the door. While I am damn nervous to even peek at it.

“It is only a minute, it needs another minute, babe. Please, don’t stress me out,” I yell back at him.

“I’m sorry. I just feel so excited with the news. I can’t wait to tell mom and dad about our baby!” he says exhiliratingly.

“Don’t jinx it!” I scream angrily.

“Okay, okay, I’ll wait here patiently,” answers Jeff.

I am here sitting at the bathroom floor, waiting for the result to come out from the pregnancy test kit. It has been almost three years since we got married and there was never a time that we didn’t try having a baby.

But until now, there’s still nothing. I hug my knees and start crying silently, “What if it fails again? Am I infertile?” I ask myself.

The kit finally ticks and now I have to face the truth. God knows we’ve been trying so hard that’s why I even ask Kendra to take full charge of the business for now.

I stop all my physical activities just so we can conceive, yet until now, there’s nothing. I know Jeff isn’t saying about anything whenever the result comes back negative, but I know deep inside, he really wants to have a baby.

So does mom and dad. I feel sorry I couldn’t yet give them a grandchild.

Now I hold it in my arms, afraid of seeing what it is this time, but I need to do it or else the man outside this bathroom won’t stop knocking.

My heart pounds, and when I see the result tears unconctrollably flow on their own.

“I thought so, it’s negative again,” I mutter, and bump my head on the bathroom wall.

I stand up and open the door, and when Jeff sees my sobbing face, the smile on his face disappears. He walks towards me to hug me but I push him away. I give him the result and I just lie down on the bed crying.

He lies next to me to pamper me, “Babe, we will have our time, don’t worry about it. For now, let’s just enjoy, just the two of us, okay?”

But what he said pisses me even more, “We’ve been trying for three fucking years. I gave up everything, and take care of myself even more, but why? Why can’t I give you a child? Why can’t I even give you a complete family? I am such a useless wife,” I cry aloud.

But Jeff’s voice is louder than my cry, “Don’t even bother saying the word ‘useless’ ever again, Avery. I don’t want to hear it from you ever. Do you understand?” his voice is quivering in anger.

His eyes are scary. So I just nod to end the conversation.

***

Later that day Kendra pays me a visit. So here I am having coffee with her in the afternoon, just across from where we live.

I am wearing sunglasses to protect my eyes from too much light. She notices my struggle with the broad daylight so she teases me.

She says, “That’s what happened when you just stay in your room. Why don’t you go out? Go back to work. Does Jeff forbid you from working?”

I shake my head, “Oh, no, no! Of course not, he isn’t stopping me from doing anything. It’s just that, I want to give him a baby soon so I stop all the things that are quite exhausting,” I explain to her.

“Hmm, yeah, it’s sad. It’s been more than two years. I was expecting to see a little Avery soon, but I guess it’s going to take some time, huh?” she says.

“Yeah, right,” I agree with her and I sip my iced coffee lethargically.

“But Avery, have you been eating properly? Because, you lost a lot of weight compared to last time I see you,” she scrutinizes and observes my physique.

“I’m good, but sometimes, I get easily tired, you know? But I am fine,” I assure her.

“And Jeff? How’s it going with his new job? When is he planning to build his own coffee shop?” she excitedly pries on us.

“You are such a busybody, K. Well, soon. And of course, you and Nik and Art will be our guest of honor,” I chuckle.

And we laugh together and talk about all the new clients in our business while I’m on leave.

Then I gaze at the car parked just across from this coffee shop. I see someone on the driver’s seat currently looking at us, at me.

“Is that Dmitri?” I ask myself, “Did I miss him that much up to the extent of imagining him?” I shake my head and look away.

“No, Avery. You should forget about him and focus in giving Jeff a child.”

***

(Dmitri’s Thoughts)

I have some business to attent to in Kirkland, a little far from my office. But as far as I know, she lives there with her husband.

I know that we already had our closure but I guess there’s nothing wrong if I somehow see her accidentally.

So I excitedly went to Kirkland, and after my conference meeting, I drove around the city. And there, luckily, I found her in broad daylight.

I parked the car where I could see her. And for a minute, I thought she looked at me. She looked at my direction, and she stared.

“Did she really see me? Should I go to her? Should I approach her? But Kendra’s there. I should stay put,” I command myself.

But after a few more seconds, she looked away. I was just probably dreaming.

I sigh.

“Dmitri What the hell are you really doing here? Didn’t you decide to finish everything? Why are you still into her?” So I bowe and rested my head on the steering wheel and eventually drove away.

But still, while on my way home to New York City, I can’t help but wonder and notice, “She lost weight, and she looked tired and exhausted. Damn it, Jeff. What have you been doing? Aren’t you taking care of your wife?” I accidentally blast the car horn when I pound the steering wheel.

“If you don’t take care of her, I will definitely steal her back, Jeff!” I angrily curse alone inside my car.

***

(Jeff’s Thoughts)

I arrive late today and I see Avery sleeping again. I notice she becomes lethargic lately. She lost weight and a little defocused on things. She quit her job and she insisted on staying at home. She told me that the very reason is for us to conceive, but I am worried about her.

I know she is smiling outwardly, but is she happy being with me? This thing about having a baby doesn’t help us as a couple either.

Most of the time we ended up having arguments about going to a clinic, going back to work, continuing her hobbies other than being a homebody.

Of course I would love to have a child with her, but this has taken a toll on her so much. I keep on saying her not to worry about it, but she won’t buy it. Especially, if my parents are bugging her about it, as well.

Speaking of which, they are now calling me again. I don’t want to wake Avery up so I move to the living room and grab a beer before answering their call.

“Hey mom, hey dad!” I fake a smile and hide my exhaustion from a long day.

“Son! Hi! Why is it so dark there? Did you just come home? Did you have dinner?” my mom asks continuously without even breathing.

I laugh, “Mom, chill! How can I answer you if you bombard me like that?”

“Just ignore your mom, she’s just excited. So, how are you and Avery? And son, you look tired, what happened?”

“Just bad day at work. And, sorry, I can’t open the light, I don’t want to wake her up, she’s resting in the next room,” I explain them.

Then my mom snatches the phone, “Oh, she’s been sleeping lately, huh? So, son, do you already have a good news to us? Huh?”

I chuckle and almost choke of my own saliva. I didn’t want to deliver the sad news again, but how could I lie to them? So I just hang out without them knowing and turn my Wi-Fi off so they can’t contact me fot a while.

I chug the beer in my hand, and bury myself in between my folded knees, “Goddamn it!”

Then a pair of warm arms hug me from behind, “Rough day, huh?”

I hold her hand and just nod without saying anything, then she whispers to my ears as I feel the tearsdrops on my shoulder,

“Jeff, I am sorry. I won’t be able to give you a child. I am sorry. I went to the doctor and, and there’s a big chance that I am infertile, and they say the stress is adding up to it, but you know I am not stressed,” she won’t stop sobbing.

I squeeze her hand and just pat the back of her head as she whines the whole night. And when she finally falls asleep due to tiredness and drunkenness, I carry her to bed and just let her head rest in my arms.