Chapter 41: Chapter 41

ME, MYSELF AND I

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ANGELA’S POV

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“LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE '' is my new motto. Life is indeed short, and tomorrow might never be. A sad fate, but someone’s reality.

I had earlier refused to go to the Fernandez party with Caleb when he asked me because I was not in the right frame of mind. How do I go partying when my life was crumbling before me; when my life was enveloped by grief? It was indeed a sad phase for me.

However, the more I brooded over my life and situation, I got to realize that I had to live before I die. I couldn’t spend the remaining days dying instead of living my best life. Why bury myself in grief when the world was mine to conquer, no matter how short it was.

My visit to the hospital did not go as I had been hoping for. Even though I was hoping for some good news, I was also prepared in case the outcome was negative. After the doctor drew some blood from me for analysis, he also insisted that I should undergo an MRI scan.

I then traveled to my parent’s home afterward. I was hoping for some reconciliation with them. When I saw mum and dad after so many years, I could notice they had more wrinkle lines at the corner of their eyes and their hair was more pronounced with strands of gray. What hurt me most was the sadness in their eyes, and I knew it was me that caused them so much pain over the years.

At first, I thought they would not want to see me but was I wrong. My mother held on to me for so many minutes while her body shook against mine as she sobbed silently. She later drew away from me so my father could say hello. My father was not a man of many words, and from the little he said, I knew I had gained their forgiveness and was welcomed back home.

I felt the need to tell my parents that I later went to college and graduated. When we sat in the living room, it looked the same as it was when I walked away from home almost seven years ago.

“How have you been Angela?” my father asked me, his voice tender with concern.

“I’m a fine father. I’m sorry for walking out on you and mum.’’ The tears spilled down my cheeks as I spoke.

“It’s okay, at least you are home now.” My mother replied. She looked as though she was about to cry too.

“I missed you guys so much.” I blew my nose into my handkerchief.

“It’s okay, Angela, families go through some crisis. The most important thing now is that you are home.” My father held me to his chest, and I cried more. He held me close as he did when I was a child, and when I felt better, I lifted my head and looked straight at my dad.

“I went to college and graduated with honors.”

“My baby.” My father said and sniffed, I’ve never seen him cry before but today his eyes clouded with tears. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, dad, it means a lot to me,” I replied and rested my head on my dad’s chest. I felt safe, content, and happy. A feeling that had been bereft of me in a long while.

My father and I chatted away while mum made my favorite meal. I ate to make them not worry over me, but I wasn’t hungry, nor did I have any appetite.

My parents and I stayed up late, we wanted to make up for all the lost time, “Time to go to bed.” My father said at about 2:00 am. “We have all the time to catch up, it’s not as if any of us is dying right away.” He continued and laughed, if only he knew the truth, but I said nothing and joined in the laughter.

How do I come home after so many years only to announce that I would leave again, only that this time it would be permanent? I couldn’t break their hearts twice in a row, so I decided to keep it to myself until my last days.

I spent the entire week with my parents, catching up on what we had missed on both ends. It was the best week of my life; I tried my best not to think of my health or what the outcome of my test would be. We had so much fun and after the week was over; I announced to my parents that I was leaving. My father insisted on taking me to the airport, but I refused his offer.

“You know airport goodbyes are the most painful. I have also booked a taxi so I would not stress you guys.” I replied to my dad.

“Who said, I mind?” Father said and mother agreed with him.

“Dad, mum. I don’t want any goodbyes, please.” I hugged them both and went into the taxi that was already waiting for me.

The truth was that I did not want them to know about my medical condition and I was not headed to the airport, rather I was going to the hospital and would leave for the airport from there as my flight was scheduled for midnight that same day.

From my parent’s home, I went straight to the hospital. I tried as much as possible to block my mind away from the familiar noise from the hospital, the sirens, the hurried feet of both the patients and the health workers as they went about the hospital floor. My mind was only focused on what the outcome of the test would be.

When I went into my doctor’s office he was already there with a file in front of him, I knew the file was mine, and the way his lips thinned out at the corners of his mouth as soon as I walked in because I had called him earlier to inform him.

“Take a seat, Ms. Angela.” He said with a grim face.

I knew something was wrong immediately. My doctor had always had a positive approach to my situation, but he somehow looked defeated

I sat down and waited. My life hung in the balance. Whatever was written in that file would determine the rest of my life.

“I’m sorry, Angela. I don’t have any good news for you.” He looked as though he was about to cry.

I wrapped my arms around myself and waited, my mouth suddenly felt dry and I was beginning to feel nauseous.

“The result has come in.” He patted the file on his desk before opening it. “I won’t mince words with you, the results are bad, even worse than last time.” He shook his head and sighed.

“How long do I have to live, doctor,” I replied. Something in me stirred up, and I felt tired of the difficulties. I just wanted to know my fate, and going straight to the point rather than beating around the bush was what I needed at the moment.

“Six months maximum a year. But, it could come sooner than expected.” He looked me straight in the eyes then continued, “Just prepare for anything and the earlier the better.”

“Okay doctor, I understand, and thank you for your time.” I stood to leave and swooned a little

“Are you okay?” His voice was filled with so much concern.

“I will be and thank you.” I left with my head held high.

The ride to the airport was the most solemn ride of my life, and the trip back home was in absolute silence. I kept to myself and ignored all the commotions and people on the flight, all I wanted was my company and space. When I finally got home, I went straight to my bed; the room was in complete darkness, just like my life and mood. I ate nothing for almost two days and almost puked my intestines out.

Dejected and lost, I made my way to the kitchen. I intended to end everything tonight.