Chapter 45: Chapter 45

- You listened. - Logan shook his head gently, giving her a sweet smile - You don't have to worry about the day when the family legacy will reach me, love... Because it already did: two years ago, when a beautiful pair of eyes chocolate color changed my life forever.

- B-but... - Missy stammered, still with those incomprehensible words swirling in her mind, almost to the point of making her dizzy, but without really being able to assimilate them - Your mother said that all Knights know immediately who their mothers are. soulmates... Which is something instantaneous, irresistible...

- And is. But I'm stubborn. - Logan's smile became bitter - Or at least stubborn enough to try to resist the irresistible.

- But... But, I... I don't understand... - she gasped, finally starting to realize what that meant, but still not able to believe it - If... If I really am the woman you were meant to be. you were... Predestined... So... Why were you... - she stammered, blushing - Why were you so...?

- Unpleasant? Unstable? Scary? - Logan recited, with even more bitterness - You can use any of these adjectives, love, or even something worse. After all, I deserve every single one of them for being so rude to you. In fact, during that last year, I even set aside part of my day just to curse myself for treating her the way I did.

- But... But, why...? - she questioned, trembling - I can't understand...

- I... I don't know how much my mother told you about... Our family's condition. – he swallowed visibly, diverting his eyes between her and the fabric that surrounded them – But, I… Since I was a child… I never wanted any of this. – Logan sighed, troubled – Remember everything I told you about my grandfather? All that he suffered with that woman? All that only happened because of this... This thing we have in the family... - he muttered between teeth - If he had had a choice... If he hadn't been forced by the universe to be so terribly obsessed and needy with Ruth ... Then his life wouldn't have been so miserable... And... He wouldn't have had to die like that, heartbroken, crying out for a woman who didn't even love him.

- Does... Does this happen a lot? – Missy felt her heart tighten as she realized how Logan must feel about the legacy, having seen his grandfather, one of the men he loved most in the world, go through all that – I mean… Some Knight falling in love. .. By a person... Bad?

- Not really... - Logan compressed his lips, disgusted - It's a relative question, actually. Of course, I've only heard stories about it, but... A few generations ago, we used to be a very large family, so there are some reports about some of us being rejected, abandoned, betrayed, used... But the vast majority are from happy marriages and love stories. – Logan admitted, still crestfallen – The point is that… When I was a child… I saw many reasons to fear our legacy. To believe he was a curse. My grandfather's father died of anemia because he refused to eat after my great-grandmother died of cancer. My grandfather died because he was heartbroken after losing a woman who was just a horrible person. How could I wish this? Having my power of choice taken away? Waiting for the time when I could end up being chained to someone horrible without even being able to let go of loving her?

- Is that why you didn't want to be with me as soon as we met? – Missy bit her lip, hurt – Do you… consider me a bad person?

- No, Missy, of course not! – he vehemently denied – It was never anything related to you! It was all my fault! - Logan grunted, disturbed - Mine and the stupid fear I've developed over the years. The dread I felt of what I considered my family's curse. Because, added to all the revolt that your felt for what happened to my grandfather, I... - he gritted his teeth, as if he had to force the words out - I also hated... The injustice that was in all of this . When someone in my family said how wonderful it was to find their true love, or how lucky we were to know how to recognize them with just a single look... I could only think how unfair it all was. – he grumbled, clearly embarrassed – I could only think… How independent I had been all my life. I found a job, I supported my family, I built my agency... And then, suddenly, with no choice, a woman would come along and change the whole stable, orderly life I had built for myself? How could this be right? It was my life! Why couldn't I have say in this? And it was that thought that made me so despise the prospect of being hit by the curse... I mean, the legacy... - Logan corrected himself, embarrassed - And falling in love.

- You ... Do you also despise what your parents and siblings have? she asked, upset.

- Not! Of course not! - Logan panted, disturbed - I admire them, actually. My father's love saved my mother and my brothers became much happier people after they found their partners. I am truly happy to see the love they feel for each other. It's just... None of this was about them. It was about me. - Logan argued, crestfallen - About what I feared would happen to my life. I was afraid of having the same fate as my grandfather, trapped with a woman who didn't deserve me and who would ruin everything I had conquered. I feared wanting to give up everything I'd conquered, just because a woman I didn't even know would ask me to. And mostly, I hated feeling like my right to choose was being taken away from me, just because an old sorceress decided that centuries ago! - He shook his head, annoyed - For years, I prayed to be one of the rare cases, but that still happened in the family, of people who never met their soul mates. Until... One day, Megan brought you to our house... - he raised his eyes, bright and burning, in her direction - And I was simply terrified. Because everything I feared the most... had finally caught up with me.

"Please, Missy, don't think my initial reaction had anything to do with you." - Logan begged, saddened - Since the first time I saw you, a part of me knew that you were the most special woman I had ever known. But my stubbornness was much greater. – he grunted, clearly irritated with himself – I feared so much, all my life, that this would affect me that, when the moment came, I convinced myself that I could fight it. That I could contain my need for you. That I would be able to go on with my life the same way it was before, keeping away from you forever...

- That's why you always... Ignore me? Missy asked hesitantly.

- Yes. – Logan sighed – And, in the midst of my efforts to pretend that I wasn't letting myself be affected by the legacy, I ended up not only ignoring you, but also being extremely rude, pretending that you didn't exist. Please forgive me, love. I was an extremely hard-headed idiot back then. – he grunted – If I could only go back in time and realize how completely stupid I was being to keep away from you…

- But… I still don't understand… – Missy frowned – If… If you never wanted to fall in love… Why did you approach me? Why did you propose the revenge plan to me if you were so determined to stay away from me?

- Because I started to die inside, little by little. – Logan smiled, but not with joy – Because I may have been strong enough not to talk to you for months, but I wasn't enough to stop me from wanting to know you a little more. In fact, it was almost automatic. I'd think I was in control of myself and then my mouth would suddenly form a question about you to your sister or Devon before I could stop myself. And, of course, my entire family soon realized what had happened to me. So they didn't spare me any detail about you: your tastes, your life, your academic background, your life as a whole... And, thanks to that, in the blink of an eye, my argument about being afraid of being united to a horrible person fell completely to the ground... Because I realized how extraordinary you were. – he smiled, enchanted, making her blush – Even so, for a whole year, I tried to convince myself that I should stay away, that we weren't made for each other, that everything I was feeling was just the result of an old and stupid spell that I should repudiate... But, every second, I discovered something different about you, that proved me how wrong I was... And that made me fall in love even more.

- It's even funny... – he continued, totally humorless in his voice – How I managed to fall more in love with you every day, with every little new and wonderful discovery I made about you and your personality. Of course, the attraction and passion for you was instantaneous, but... The admiration I felt, the fascination with everything you did... None of that had anything to do with legacy. – He gave a sad smile – It took me months to admit that to myself, but… The truth is, even if there was no magic or legacy… I still would have ended up falling in love with you, one way or another. another, because you are perfect for me. I finally realized that... The magic may have made me instantly fall in love, but everything else I feel... The pride, the confidence, the hope, the joy you bring me... All of this has It's just about who you are... It's just about the wonderful woman I love more every day. - He dragged himself to sit down in front of her, cupping her face in her hands.

- You... You... - Missy panted, completely out of breath - You... me.

- Yes, I love you, my Missy. – he confirmed, bringing their foreheads together gently with a passionate smile – I should have said that since the first time I saw her, I know. Please forgive me for this. If I hadn't spent all those months being an asshole, denying the inevitable, then it could have saved us a lot of heartache.

- But... What changed? – she asked, confused – After so many years of hating your family's legacy and trying to avoid it… What made you change your mind?

- You my love. And every painful second I spent away from you. – Logan sighed, desolate – That first year was complete torture. I tried to convince myself that I could perfectly live the rest of my life without you, having to contain myself whenever you were around, not to touch you, not to kiss you... But, every new day I woke up alone, while all I could think about was you... I was dying little by little inside, yearning to be by your side, to hear your voice, to smell you, to have your company and finally allow you to be with me. tell me every little detail about you... Until finally, after so much time of denial and loneliness... I realized that it was all meaningless. I loved you, you were the most extraordinary woman I had ever known and I would be more than honored to be yours alone for the rest of my life. There was no point in going on with this, with all this irrational dread, when I could just be making you happy and being happy with you. However, I realized this too late: at the end of last year, when you started to help us at the agency and I was able to live with you every day... It was simply heaven having you so close to me like that, and at the same time hell at the same time, since I couldn't touch her.

- So, I spent some time building a plan. – he gave a sad smile – I hated myself for the rude way I had treated you until then and, more than anything, I wanted to start redeeming myself. So I planned every word I would say, every flower in the bouquet I bought you, every little syllable in the invitation I would make for you to have dinner with me. But...

- I started dating Liam. - Missy completed with a crestfallen whisper, quickly doing the math in her mind and realizing the moment when that had happened.

Regretfully, she watched Logan grit his teeth at the mere mention of her ex-boyfriend. A second passed before he took a deep breath and looked back at her, though he still didn't look composed anymore.

- Yes... One day I arrived at the agency, full of hope that that could be the first day of a new beginning between the two of us, but then... I saw you in his arms. – Logan growled, so tense that the veins in his neck and arms stood out – And… I was upset. Very upset, actually. Newton had been working for me for three years at the time, and I knew what a big piece of shit he was as a man. Always hitting on the models, always with some stupid joke... I should have followed my instinct and sent him away from day one, but instead I chose to follow company policy and keep him since he was a reasonable professional and had never done anything that really warranted a dismissal. – he rolled his eyes, enraged – But, damn it, when I found out that he had not only asked you out without me knowing, but also asked you on a date… I thought of many things: breaking his face with my own hands, fire him, follow my plan and try to win her over even knowing that now you were compromised...

- But then… - Logan continued, swallowing hard, deeply regretful – I realized that then I would be taking away your right to choose. I had spent my entire life cursing the moment when fate would force me to act as it wanted and then, suddenly, there I was, wanting to act the exact same way with you: looking for ways to push your boyfriend away, just so that I I could have her for myself... Even though I knew you had chosen to be with him and were probably glad you did at the time. – he dropped his hands to hers, enveloping them – That's why I… I pulled away again, afraid that my broken heart and my bitterness would make me commit some idiocy. They almost did, many, many times, in fact. – he grimaced, looking disgusted with himself – So, I think it was the right decision, however much it was… Terribly painful to see you with him. I saw how he treated her, how he didn't pay enough attention to her, how he took advantage of her good heart... - Logan growled, possessed - And I swear that several times I thought of just killing him right there and taking her in mine arms, begging you to give me a chance… But I knew this wasn't the right way to start our relationship. – he sighed, saddened – You deserved infinitely more than simply, one day, suddenly, being grabbed by the man who had spent more than a year ignoring you. So I had no choice but to wait silently for you to realize how much he didn't deserve you. Until…' He broke off suddenly, petrified, almost panicked.

- Until that party happened? – Missy tried to guess, wondering if his almost frightened reaction was the result of the fear of making her feel bad by reminding her of that fateful night.

Logan, however, remained absolutely silent, his brow deeply furrowed, almost as if a war was being waged inside his mind, and remained so for a long moment, before finally sighing, although he looked more troubled than ever.

- Yeah, that was it. – he said, in a weak, almost inaudible voice – I was already determined to approach you and try to prove that I was very different from the cold and distant man you knew… And then that hellish party happened and I… – he grunted, furious – More than ever, I wanted to kill that idiot with my own hands. He had no right to humiliate you like that…to hurt you so badly… Hell, I was ready to punch him when you did it yourself. – A small, perversely satisfied smile appeared on his face, but quickly disappeared, giving way to an expression of pure suffering – Seeing you like that… So fragile and injured… It was a real hell. – he swallowed hard, seeming to need to make an effort to speak – Your heart was breaking and I felt like mine was too, knowing that I could have avoided your suffering, if I had only… – he gritted his teeth for a moment, before continuing hesitantly – Acted earlier...

- No, don't say that… - Missy begged, touching his face gently, wanting to wipe away the anguish that was there – You didn't know about their affair or what Suzan was planning. There was nothing you could do, so please don't blame yourself.

Lifting wide eyes to her, Logan stared at her in deep trouble, almost as if she'd just said the worst possible thing to him. Confused and regretful, Missy continued to caress his face until the discomfort seemed to subside, although she still couldn't understand why he had such a strange reaction.

- That's all in the past now, after all. – he sighed again, his voice full of melancholy – You're all that matters to me, just like that night. I did my best to offer you some comfort, even if I still didn't quite know how I could do that...

- You were great. – Missy smiled, touched – You gave me all the help I didn't even know I needed... Even when you proposed revenge.

- Oh, you mean my desperate and selfish attempt to try to help you and still manage to fulfill my dreams of becoming closer and making love to you, while getting my hopes up that you would fall in love with me in the process? – Logan smirked, clearly embarrassed – Believe me, it wasn't an altruistic move. In fact, I was quite opportunistic. – he sighed sadly – Sorry, love. I know I should have proposed that thinking only of you... But the truth is that, although your well-being is my biggest concern, I saw the opportunity to be with you and... I couldn't stop myself from taking advantage of it.

- Why are you saying this like it's something bad? – Missy asked, gently touching his chin, making him look at her again – In my opinion, things worked out incredibly well. – she smiled shyly, blushing – I don't think I've ever been so happy… Not just for what my life has become, but also… For who I am. – she admitted happily – And… It brought me to you… It brought us to each other. – Missy murmured, staring at him through her lashes, finally letting that truth take root in her heart. The same truth that, now Missy realised, had always been at the bottom of those green eyes: she had just never been able to see it before.

He loved her.

He would love her forever.

And heavens, she would love him until her last breath too.

- Yes... - Logan opened a hesitant smile, while looking at her, in expectation - You... You really...

- If I really love you? - Missy laughed softly, feeling that she was about to cry with joy - Oh, Logan. Of course yes. I may have realized this too late, but... I love it. I love you more than I am able to describe.

- Oh, Missy... - Logan stretched out his arms, bringing her close to him, gluing their naked bodies together in an instant - My Missy... You've been inside my heart since the first moment when I saw you… If I had only allowed myself to live this love from the beginning... - he lamented, still troubled.

- But we're both here now, aren't we? – she encouraged him, bringing her lips together in an invitation – The past doesn't matter… As long as I have you with me, from now on.

Delighted, she saw the moonlight illuminating his moist eyes as the most beautiful smile Missy had ever seen him smile began to light up the face she loved.

- Forever and ever, my love. – he promised solemnly, as he gently laid her back on the duvet.

And when the two reached the summit again, completely lost in that heady feeling of pleasure and completeness, there was no longer a sky full of shooting stars above them. However, Missy knew it was no longer necessary.

After all, all her wishes had already been fulfilled.