Chapter 36: Chapter 36

“I…” Eren took a step forward, trying to reach for the girl but that only made try to crawl further even though her back was already pressed to the headrest, realizing she had nowhere to escape, she hugged her knees under the covers and kept staring on him, her eyes never leaving his, and the tears never leaving hers.

Her pure eyes, the ones that resembled the sight of the blue sky from under the water, the ones he loved so much, were now hidden under a sheen of salty wetness, they had a new shade to them, one which was darker, sadder.

Eren couldn’t help but think it was his least favorite, for her eyes looked shadowed, and deep down he felt as if they were reflecting his soul, like a mirror in front of which he was standing, bare to his reality.

A monster.

He wished at that moment that Sara might show any other emotion but pain and fear, but the two were enough to numb any other, he wished he can sense anything else, he wished she would blame him, lash out at him, and he would happily take the lashes, he would happily let himself be hurt and punished, tortured, he would happily receive it all if it would erase the damn look off her face.

If it would redeem him.

But the look didn’t change, and the girl remained the same, shrunken next to the headrest with her knuckles white from how hard she was holding the covers as if they were her last shield, looking at him like a helpless prey, he wanted to go there, tell her he didn’t mean to, explain to her it was his uncontrollable thirst and how much he desired, no, needed her, reassure her that he would never, ever, touch her that way again without her consent.

He wished and wished but he knew, with the way she was looking at him, that the best thing he could do to comfort her was just leave, leave her sight, he had no means of comforting her but to stay away from her for he knew in that moment, he was the reason of her pain.

She hated him, and the thought felt like knives piercing through his heart, mind and soul.

He felt the exact opposite as he felt when he had his lips over hers, he felt destroyed and walked on.

He felt like the worst man on the world.

Breaking the painful eye contact, Eren moved very slowly and carefully, trying not to make any sudden moves as the girl didn’t need any, opening the door, he stepped outside his room, not even sparing her a single look for it was way too painful to see her in that state.

Not to mention that he was too afraid to be there and witness when the pain in her eyes turned into hatred.

Once the door was shut, Eren closed his red eyes to swallow his bitterness, not knowing where else to go, he released his troubled shadows and allowed them to carry him toward the tower, once he was there, he sat on one of the corners with all the bottles of alcoholic blood he found, hoping they might help him forget, while in reality they only made him remember, as if the memories were hidden under his eyelids.

The memories of not just a beautiful silver haired girl he just hurt, but another woman, of the same age, the one that gave him life in every single way she could, the one who had been hurt over and over again, the one whose innocence was taken by someone who was meant to protect her, the one whose life was turned into a living hell for a mistake she didn’t commit, the one who suffered and suffered yet was still somehow able to provide her boy with love, until she was killed by none other than her own boy.

The demons’ curse was the inability to walk in daylight, but because he was one of the few hybrids, he was able to move perfectly in daylight thanks to his human half, his curse instead was something different, his curse was the uncontrollable thirst that made him hurt those whom he cared for the most, the thirst that made him so strong, fearless and dangerous, but also monstrous.

He thought, after years and years of practice and self-restriction, that he had finally managed to control his thirst, his demonic instincts which were heavy on his half blood, he was wrong though, he thought as he gulped down the second bottle, the same thirst that killed his mother had now hurt the only other woman he loved, in the most ugly way.

It didn’t matter to him that he stopped, nor did it matter to her, the fact that he was able to do such a thing, that he was about to do such a thing, to someone as pure and innocent as her was already a crime, whether he finished it or not, the fact that he touched her that way without her consent, kissed her without her consent, for no reason but to pleasure himself, was already unforgivable.

But what was there to do?

Eren asked himself as he gulped down the last bottle, the bloody alcohol finally managed to numb his senses and his mind, as everything turned blurry and foggy, surrounding himself with his shadows once more, Eren walked away from his tower, not knowing where he was heading to exactly, he had no destination in mind, he just wanted to walk away, from his sorrow and shame, from all the pain and the sad memories, he wished he can go back to those happy carefree times he shared with his fair lady, near the river, talking about sweet nothings as if he had nothing to worry about.

Those were probably the only peaceful times in his life, at first he thought he was only playing that role for the sake of his plan, to keep an eye on her without alerting his possible enemies, at the time Eren had just claimed the position of a lord which didn’t sit well with many pure blooded demons who refused to be ruled by a hybrid, he knew he couldn’t share his biggest discovery with anyone but Gera and Joseph, but when the times passed, he realized that he enjoyed the girl’s company to no limits, he even tried to find other ways, other solutions, and when he couldn’t find any, he decided to at least give her what she wanted, attending the ball, seeing her family, were all wishes he had no benefit in realizing except for making her happy.

He missed seeing her happy, he missed the way she would look at him with her grateful eyes when she is happy.

Walking and walking without a destination, Eren felt all his bottled up feelings resurface, those from when he was very young, when his mother refused to wake up no matter how many times he called, those of him being tortured and thrown at the edge of the dark forest to be devoured by the demons, those of him lost in madness and bloodthirst for most of his childhood, and then, those of climbing to where he was now.

Eren never thought much about his pain and misfortune, he always found it to be a useless waste of time to dwell about things that happened in the past, for that is what they were, past. What mattered to him was the present, as every day in the edges was a challenge to survive, and the future.

But in that moment, Eren felt all those feelings wash over him, with a foreign feeling he never experienced, one which was too heavy on his heart and too big and bitter on his throat.

Self-pity, he pitied himself and the miserable man he turned out to be, a lonely broken man who didn’t even know how broken he was until his shards wounded the girl he loved.

Too absorbed in his self-pity, Eren didn’t realize how he made it to that door, how he knocked, and how was he engulfed in a tight yet comforting embrace. All he knew was that he needed that comfort, and therefore he surrendered to it and to the way it numbed his pain.

How nice it would have been if this comforting embrace was hers? Was his fair lady’s?

He thought, or more accurately, the alcohol thought instead of him, he didn’t want to think, he just wanted to feel, thinking was painful, while the feeling, the feeling was so soothing as the person who embraced him pulled him inside the room while kissing his jaw and his neck.

Eren let her lead him toward her bed like a drunk man who had no idea what was happening around him, he just wanted something to ease his pain, anything, and the gentle touches were doing a good job, they were not warm though.

Why weren’t they warm?

Sara’s hands are warm, her smile is warm, her laugh is warm, the way she looks at him through her thick silver lashes is warm, her cheeks which were often tainted pink with shyness were warm, her lips were warm, her body pressed to his as they danced to the beautiful music was warm.

She was warm.

So why were her hands cold?

Why were her eyes cold?

Why were her stares cold?

He asked himself as he felt his clothes being removed, one piece after the other, he didn’t try to stop the process as the alcoholic blood he consumed earlier was making him very hot and uncomfortable, he welcomed the discarding of his clothes, he welcomed the cool air and even the cold hands that pressed on his chest and made him lay on the soft mattress.

The hands then were replaced with lips, peppering kisses all over his body, his jaw, his neck, his chest, and all the way down his torso, crossing his waist line to reach his manhood which was ready to receive it share of attention, and the soft lips were quick to oblige, wrapping around his throbbing length, providing the necessary tightness for his pleasure, the cold palms placed on his waist pressed tighter each time his tip went too deep inside her sweet cavum, the wet tongue caressing him and giving extra sensual pressure that touched every burning cell and each angry vein, so slowly as if the whole thing was meant to be torturing instead of pleasuring.

Throwing his head back, Eren lazily enjoyed the sensation while his mind kept on imagining the silver haired girl, hovering over him like a small kitten eager to please her master, moaning in pleasure. once he wasn’t able to take the slow pace anymore, he pulled the girl up so his lips were buried in her neck as he quickly switched position so she was lying on her back, her arms wrapped around his neck, her hands in his hair, and her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer and closer, his manhood found it tip placed at her warm dripping opening, she was wet for him, ready for him, desiring him the way he desired her, the idea filled him back with his male ego, not wasting any more time, he buried himself inside her warm sex, stretching her walls that welcomed his burning rod, he felt her folds, all of them, tightening around him as she gasped, and then moaned, and then whispered his name, urging him to go on.

And he obliged, as he thrusted in and out of her, each thrust stronger and more urgent then the previous one for he felt the pleasure building up, giving it his all, he ravaged her sex to the point where he felt her folds contracting uncontrollably, the intensity of her climax made him follow as he released his seed inside of her.

The sensation was equally draining and breathtaking as it was satisfying and ecstatic, too tired yet too satisfied, he collapsed on top of  the body under him, his face still buried in her neck as he whispered…

Sara.