Chapter 153: Chapter 153

“A little of red on the lips would look great on you my lady, and it would suit your dress!” the demoness said enthusiastically, absorbed on finishing the last touches on Sara’s look, all while being oblivious of the mixed thoughts and feelings the young Goddess was having.

“The lord isn’t back yet?” resisting the urge to sigh at the question that was asked several times already, the demoness put on a polite smile as she answered truthfully, “Not yet my lady, but I am sure he will be here soon.”

You sure aren’t you, Sara asked in her heart while looking at her reflection, the demoness did a decent job at making her look presentable for the royal wedding which was happening that night, her hair was brushed neatly to frame her face, the fringe falling strategically on her face to cover the fading scars and then a small tiara was placed on top of it, the red rubies sat on a black base matched her dress, and the red color the demoness was applying made her lips look plump and kissable.

Kissable, Sara thought about the pair of lips she wanted so bad to kiss, and the man she wanted to see, the last days she spent with him in the shadows’ castle with him felt like a dream weaved of love and happiness, but the feeling that she was going to wake from it any time was hunting her in each second, not to mention the things he was not telling her, and she knew there were many, the question was, why?

The other thing that troubled her was the fact that she never met the God named Zaman after it, even when she tried to look for him herself which resulted in her getting lost in the castle and ending up in the dungeons which brought so many unwanted memories to her, it didn’t affect her much but the same thing couldn’t be said about Eren who didn’t stop apologizing, guilt evident on his face.

Watching the demoness leave the room, Sara sighed and stood to check her whole appearance in the mirror, she looked different, nothing like Dahlia and the old Sara but a mix of both, the dress she wore didn’t cover her shoulders and arms leaving her porcelain skin bare, the black fabric was simple yet so beautiful as it rounded her upper body tightly to spread like a fountain around her legs, giving her a majestic, classy, yet edgy look, she chose the color herself even when Eren insisted on bringing her nice colorful dresses, she still chose the black one for she felt it would match him, the man she was going to walk into the castle with, her status was still undefined but she knew what she meant for him, and what he meant for her.

“You look like a dream coming true”! smiling at the gentle whisper on her ear, Sara looked in the mirror to see Eren standing behind her, his shadows fading around them, he looked breathtaking as well, with his jet black hair combed back neatly and his beautiful dark attire, just as she expected they looked well matched, like two pieces of a puzzle that only had them both as pieces.

“You don’t look bad either!” Sara said as she looked in his eyes threw the mirror, taking in the beauty of the red rubies that were the starter of her day in the time she spent in the castle, something she wasn’t complaining about in any aspects, feeling his hands on her waist, Sara smile widened as the familiar butterflies on her stomach went back to life, filling her insides with the warm fuzziness that she enjoyed, just as if a mass of joy and love was settled inside her.

A mass of joy and love, a child…

“Where did that beautiful mind of yours go now?” hearing his question, Sara smiled shyly before turning to face him, her hands settling on his waist gently as she looked at him in the eye.

“The future, I was thinking about our future together.” as she spoke the words very warmly and lovingly, Sara expected him to be just as happy and enthusiastic as her, but instead, an unwelcomed shadow of sadness clouding his eyes for a brief moment before he hid it.

“For now and always, my fair lady, I will always do my best to make you the happiest woman on earth, each second and each day, I will give you everything and anything you wish for.”

“Anything and everything?” Sara asked biting her lower lip, a bit nervous of how to say what she truly wanted, but when his finger came to free her lip and then caress it gently, the words were quickly born in her heart and transferred to her mouth.

What if what I want is you?”

“You have me, my fair lady, all of me…”

“But what if I want more?” Sara looked at Eren in the eyes, almost intimidated by the intensity in them, and the frown that settled on his handsome face wasn’t helping at all, closing her eyes, Sara took a deep breath and with it the very needed moment to say what she needed to say, opening them, she met his gaze with equal intensity, not backing up of what she wanted and desired.

“I want more of you, more of us, around us, running, screaming, laughing, growing, I…I want children, Eren, I want to be the mother of your children.”

I want them too, my fair lady, I want nothing more than just that, a future for us where we can be the happiest, a family, bound together forever, surrounded by our children, but I can’t give you that even if I wanted to, not while it means losing you…

“It is a bit too early for that, my fair lady.” Hearing his succinct reply, Sara pulled back slightly to give him a questioning and disapproving look and also to study his expressions, to anyone else, he looked relaxed and composed, casual even, but she knew him better than that to be fooled by his appearance and miss the anxiety and restlessness in his eyes.

“Early?” looking at the questioning eyes that held surprise, disapproval, and a good amount of hurt in them which was stabbing his heart to know that he caused her pain, but even when he promised not to hurt her and not to lie to her, he couldn’t face her with the truth knowing very well how wounded it would leave her.

“I am not ready for this step, my Sara, I barely got you back, and I still feel like you are going to disappear the second I look away, I just…want to make sure everything is right and set first…please!” pulling her back, Eren buried his head on her shoulder, hiding his eyes for he knew she could read the lie in them, “I never had a father, and the closest thing I had to one turned out to be a liar and the reason for my people’s suffering, I on the other hand, I am still battling the doubts I have about myself about deserving you, let me be the man you deserve first, Sara, and in the way I will learn how to be the father to our children, one that they would love and be proud of…”

Hearing the sighed words, Sara felt conflicted about the man resting his head on her shoulder as if he carried weights no one knew about, at one point, she understood him, unlike her his father wasn’t a kind man to look up to, if anything he was a monster, Eren’s fear was justifiable in one hand but in the other, it was the case for her too, she never had a mother, she has no idea what motherhood is and yet she still wanted children, it didn’t feel like she needed preparations for that, it was…instinctual!

It didn’t make enough sense to convince her, but with the way he was holding her, like a child himself, she chose to drop the matter for the time being, nevertheless, she couldn't ignore the pain in her heart...

The ride to the human castle was a quiet as not so many words were exchanged, and while Sara was still contemplating their last conversation, thinking about all the possibilities, Eren was confused,. Not knowing what to say to her to take her mind off the subject.

"My lord and lady, we are at the side gate as you asked..."

" This feels like a deja-vu.." Sara spoke softly while Eren helped her put on the black cloak ad the night was cold, "It feels different though."

"Different how?"

"Last time we came here, I was different, I was an oblivious girl filled with silly dreams..." Did that really change though?

"They were not silly dreams, love, they were just quite ordinary, because you never had what ordinary people had..." With a lowered tone and guilty eyes, Eren spoke softly, the memory of that night was still vivid, the night he first tasted her lips, and then crushed her world, her soul, and het dreams.…

"Is this why you don't want to? Because of guilt?" Placing her palm on his cheek gently, Sara brought the red eyes back to her, wondering if his gilt was what refrained him from wanting children, she knew he still blamed himself for it, her verbal forgiveness wasn't enough but she didn't know how else to make him fully let go of that guilt.

"What i have done to you will always hunt me, until the last day of my life, and I will never stop apologizing or trying to make it right and be the man you deserve,but even when i hate to admit it, I am a selfish bastard and my belief that i do not deserve you won't stop me from having you, in every way i can..."

"Then why Eren?"

" I told you before my fair la.."

"Please tell me the truth, i know there is more!"

"I..." Looking qt her determinate eyes and feeling them searching his soul, the shadows' lord knew that he couldn't just lie to her, and if he dared to, she would know right away and that would make the situation more dense.…

"Sara!!" Surprised, the duo looked at the door that suddenly flew open to reveal an excited Nara in a gorgeous baby pink gown, her red hair was styled on a sophisticated way with a small tiara made of white and pink pearls, she looked like the perfect princess she was, even when her actions were not...

A princess was supposed to be suave and courteous, wait politely at the hall pf the palace for the guests to arrive while being her refined self, but barging inside someone's carriage wasn't considered courteous nor refined.

"What took you so long?" After breaking the hug with her youngest sister and saluting the shadows'lord who looked like her wildest and most forbidden fantasy, Nara asked hurriedly while ushering the two inside the castle, luckily they had a private entry from one of the side gates so no one witnessed the princess' unruly behaviour, Not that she cared anyway.

"You missed me much?"

"You know I did, but you are late and we don't have much time, the ceremony is about to start!"