Chapter 61: Chapter 61

Ciara

“All aboard the choo-choo train!” I say, putting Alfred’s bottle to his lips. Part of me still can’t believe that this beautiful, happy baby is my son, or that the handsome, blue-eyed man across the breakfast table is my fiancé. It’s been six months since Alfred was born, and most days Evans and I couldn’t be happier. But today, I’m feeling a mix of excitement and dread.

“What time do you have to go to work?” Bellina asks me as she clears away the breakfast dishes.

My heart sinks. “In a little while,” I answer, glancing at Evans who is typing away on his phone.

“I can finish giving Alfred his bottle if you have to get ready,” Bellina offers. “You don’t want to be late for your first day back.”

I’m not even in my work scrubs yet, still in a nursing bra and pajamas. I look longingly at Alfred, fully aware that I’m procrastinating. Why am I so nervous about leaving my baby? Bellina is very capable.

“No, I can give it to him,” I say and smile at Bellina to thank her.

Evans looks up from his phone and adjusts the cuffs on his white button-down shirt. He takes a deep breath, and I know what he’s going to say. It’s the same back-and-forth we’ve been having for weeks.

“Why don’t you stay home today? You can spend more time with the baby. After all, it’s not like we need the money,” he says, reaching for my hand. “It’s a mistake to go back to work this early when you don’t have to.” I take a sip of coffee, suddenly annoyed. Evans comes from a rich family, so there are some things he doesn’t understand.

“We’ve talked about this already, Evans. It’s not about the money,” I say, pulling away. “I worked through school to be a nurse. And I love my job at the hospital.” I glance at Bellina who is still cleaning, but she doesn’t look at me.

“I know, Ciara, but I just want what’s best for you. I was trying to help.”

My frustration builds. “It would help if you could be supportive of me.”

Evans looks offended. “I am supportive of you. I just want you to be happy. Is that so wrong?”

“It is when you’re making an already difficult day harder,” I snap. “Now I’d better go get ready for the job you don’t want me to have.”

I avoid Evan’s eyes as I climb the stairs to our room. I change into my scrubs quickly, brush my hair into a ponytail, then head back into the kitchen. I kiss Alfred’s forehead, my heart squeezing, and bid Evans a cool good-bye. When I reach the front door, I hear a wail. Alfred has started crying. Am I a terrible mother for leaving him? Will Evans and I work this out? I wipe the tear off my cheek.

Evans

When Alfred starts crying, Bellina gets out of her seat to soothe him. Once he’s calmed down, I lean over and kiss his forehead.

“Okay Alfred Daddy’s off to work.”

As I drive to the office, I can’t stop thinking of the way that Ciara and I left things and feel a stab of remorse. I know that it’s hard for me to be away from Alfred’s new baby smell, his grin, and his eyes that look exactly like mine. It will be that much harder for Ciara. When she’s with Alfred, she’s so happy, and she deserves to be that happy all the time. But Ciara’s stubborn—a trait that I love but also drives me crazy. I’ll have to think of a way to convince her without it turning into another disagreement.

By the time I get to Barcode, I’m running late. It’s an all too common occurrence now that Alfred is here, but I know Elena won’t mind. I unlock my door and Elena is sitting on the office couch with her laptop.

“Hey Evans.” Elena smiles.

“Sorry I’m late,” I say with a sheepish grin. “I was doing tummy time with Alfred.” As soon as I mention AlfredElena’s face lights up.

“How is the baby?” she asks.

“Everything’s great,” I say, but my voice is uncharacteristically uncertain.

“Are you sure? What’s wrong?” After years of working together,Elena knows me too well.

I run a hand through my dark hair. “Nothing,” I answer. “Just new parent drama.” I smile to lighten the mood.

“Is something wrong with you and Ciara?” Elena asks, annoyingly perceptive.

“No, not at all.” I pat her on the shoulder and politely steer her towards my desk. I need to set my personal drama aside and get down to business. “Let’s talk about Barcode Miami. How do you feel about Leonard Avenue?”

Ciara

I love the smell of the babies in the maternity ward at the hospital. I love their little scrunched faces and hands that grip your fingers so tight. Pulling at my ponytail, I smile as I think of Alfred grabbing it. I swaddle a baby on his warming table and adjust his hat so he doesn’t get cold. I sigh happily. I love it here. I could never stay at home; my heart is here too. What was Evans thinking, telling me that this was a mistake?

There’s a knock at the door. An older woman with short brown hair and fair skin is smiling at me. “You must be Ciara! Hi, I’m the Head Nurse, Lianna. Welcome back!”

“Thank you,” I answer, half smiling.

“How is your first day going so far?” Lianna asks.

“Not too bad.” I pull at my scrubs. “I’m nervous. I took an extended leave to care for my son Alfred. He’s six months old now, but I still feel like he’s new. I’ve only been here an hour and I miss him so much.” I move the baby’s hat again.

“Why don’t you get a video monitor for your nursery? The video can play on your phone and that way you can see Alfred whenever you want.” Lianna pats my shoulder. “I know how hard it was to leave my kids.”

“That’s such a great idea. Thanks!” I pull out my phone to text Evans, hoping he’ll see this text as a peace offering after our heated conversation this morning.

“Nurse Lianna and Nurse Ciara, please head to room 301B,” Dr. Juliet's voice rings over the intercom.

It must be a new baby, as the rooms on the “B” side of the ward are for mothers in labor. I leave the room with Lianna hustling beside me. I think of how swollen my feet were and how much walking Evans and I did before I was ready to push. Lianna and I reach 301B and almost bump into Dr. Juliet.

“Her name is Cythia. She's ten centimeters, so we have to go!” She rushes in, scrubs up and snaps on gloves and a face mask. Lianna and I do the same.

“Are you the father?” I ask a man with short brown hair and khakis on.

“Yes, I’m Fredrick.” He nods and smiles nervously. His wife is clutching his hand as she huffs and puffs in the hospital bed.

“I’m Ciara,” I say. “Congratulations!” I scan all the monitors next to her and everything looks good. “Do you want some ice chips?” I ask.

She nods. Liana steps in.

“I’ll get them.” Liana bustles out of the room.

“Okay, Cythia, you have to push!” Dr. Jones calls Amanda from down by her knees. Cythia cries out. I can’t believe she’s not yelling at her partner like I was, I think with a smile.

“Can you hold my other hand?” she asks me. I walk quickly around the bed and hold her. She’s hot and I fan her forehead with my free hand.

“It’s ok, deep breaths.” I say soothingly.

“Keep pushing!” Dr. Juliet says. Cythia grunts, gives a few more pushes and then—

“He’s here!” Dr. Juliet looks towards Fredrick. “Do you want to cut the cord? Ciara got him some scissors.”

I pass Fredrick the scissors, he snips the cord, and Cythia lets out a breath.

“Ciara, can you dry him off?” I reach for the baby and dry him off with a warm towel before putting a small snug cap on his head. He shifts in my arms and I can already smell his sweet baby smell. I look at his tiny hands and Cythia reach out for him, but suddenly something inside me bursts. I can’t give him back, I just can’t. I hold him to my chest and think of Alfred and burst into tears, startling everyone in the room.

“I want my baby! I want my baby!”