Chapter 38: Chapter 38

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I shake my head and walk out.Evans is sitting on the bed, his head resting against the headboard. He has his eyes closed but opens them when I enter the room. I walk around the bed nervously and sit next to him. We sit in silence for a moment. He loosens his tie and takes it off.

"Did you mean it?" I finally ask. "Did you mean what you told me?"

He looks at me. "You are not any more surprised than I am, Ciara but yes. I didn't think it was possible for me to...feel this way about someone again but it's how I feel about you."

"I-don't know what to say."

He half smiles. "You don't have to say anything. In fact, I don't want you to say anything. I didn't tell you so you could say it back. I told you because I wanted you to understand why I’ve broken the rules. I’m not acting like an appropriate person to you, my surrogate. I sort of threw the contract out the window."

It’s true, I was just thinking that the other day.

"I must confess that I tried to resist," he continues. "I tried to ignore it by trying to ignore you. But that's something I've been doing for years now. Ever since that day—I kind of shut myself out from the world." He looks at me. "But I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending I don't care about you. I'm tired of pretending you don't mean anything to me, because you do. I haven't felt like this in a long time, Ciara, I feel different, free. I know you didn't sign up for this twist on the contract, but I just wanted you to know that. I want you to know how I feel."

I smile. "Well, I think it's obvious that I like you very much too."

He frowns. "I don't know...I can't really tell..." he says, amusement clear in his voice.

I chuckle softly and then get closer, putting my leg over him so that I’m sitting on his lap, facing him. It takes him by surprise, but he puts his arms around my back, making sure I don't fall.

The moment is so intimate. Just him and I...so close. His skin warm against mine...his face inches away....

I reach out and touch his cheek with my fingertips, caressing him, showing him how much he has grown to mean to me. I put my hands around his neck and pull myself closer, then place my lips on his forehead. He closes his eyes and I feel his body relax. He is so soft...so perfect. I kiss my way down his temple, down his cheek, down his jaw, then slowly press my lips to his.

I suddenly feel his hands travel from my back, placing his palms on my stomach. It's something he's never done, and it takes me by surprise. I pull back and look at him. He is looking at my stomach with a sweet smile on his face. I suddenly feel guilty for not letting him do that earlier. It is his baby and I realize how much he's been wanting to do that. His palms are warm on me. I don't say anything, not wanting to ruin his moment with the baby.

And then I feel something. It makes me jump, which is stupid because it's rarely anything. It was a small flutter, but I swear the baby just moved.

"Did you feel that?" I ask Evans

He smiles. "I did."

We stay still for a while, waiting for it to happen again. His hands caress my stomach and it's hard not to like the touch. I can understand why this baby likes the touch of his dad's hands too.

"I think it's a boy," I whisper.

His blue eyes are wide. "Why?"

"I don't know," I admit. "I think boys begin to move earlier than girls. At least that's what my aunts say. Do you want it to be a boy or a girl?"

"A boy. Girls are too emotional and complicated, and they leave men at the altar," he jokes.

I roll my eyes at him. "Well, I hope it's a girl now."

He chuckles. "I'm just kidding. At this point, I don't really care. As long as it's a healthy baby, I'm happy."

I smile at him. "You always know the right thing to say." I shake my head. "I refuse to believe this is the same Evans Leonard who would get all defensive whenever I tried to ask a question."

"I'm not the same. Actually, I'm starting to feel a lot like my old self."

"The baby is doing the trick then." I say, pleased.

He looks up at me. "It's not just the baby," he whispers.

I don't know what to say. I don't want to say anything I don't mean. I don't want to hurt him. Now I can see how he used to be, and I find myself hating Anne for hurting him the way she did. Even if she didn't mean it, Evans didn't deserve it. I don't want to be like Anne. I don't want to tell him things I might not mean and make promises I can't keep. I want to tell him that, but I can't. I very much want to be with him, but I don't want to say something that might hurt him in the long run. This new Evans is so open with his feelings, I don't want to be the reason he goes back and shuts everyone out again.

So, I reach over and kiss him. He kisses me, but doesn't say anything as if sensing my thoughts. He puts an arm around my waist and helps me lay down next to him. He turns off the light and I put my arm around his waist and rest my head on his strong chest. He pecks the top of my head as he pulls me closer to him.

"Goodnight, Damien," he whispers.

Sometime later in the dark, the baby flutters.