Chapter 25: Chapter 25

The following three months fall into a routine.

I’m able to find a part-time job at the hospital. Evan’s not thrilled about it, but we are able to come to a compromise. They are only giving me three days a week until the baby is born, then I’ll be working full-time. I’m happy about the arrangement and very excited to actually start working as a nurse. My specialty—ironically—is labor and delivery, and I watch a woman give birth on my very first day…let’s just say the love for my job is one of those things where it is fascinating to watch other people, and I would prefer if I didn’t have to go through it. But it’s too late for that, so I ignore it.

The other nurses are very nice and so excited when I tell them that I’m actually pregnant. It didn’t occur to me that I’m going to have to tell them I gave it up for adoption after the baby is born.

Living with Evans is…interesting. He actually spends less time there after our conversation and on some days, I don’t even see him—I try not to care but it’s impossible. I resign myself to being the stupid girl who fell for the wrong guy. He never misses my appointments to the doctor, though, so I know I can always count on that. I try to keep myself busy with my job and helping Flora plan her wedding.

I begin to show in September, at the fourth month mark. Of course, it’s not much, but it’s enough to show under my everyday clothes. And it’s weird—like one night I went to sleep with a flat stomach and in the morning, I was suddenly showing. The baby belly makes it real, makes me more vulnerable, like I have to watch my every step. It’s like a big pile of bricks hit me with the realization that I really am pregnant.

That morning, I get in the shower and change into jeans…except I can’t wear jeans because they no longer close. So I take them off and put on a skirt that falls just above my knee; I put on a blouse, comb my hair, then head out of my room.

Evans’s in the kitchen, resting his hands on the counter. He’s wearing his usual uniform: white button-down shirt, black dressed pants with black shoes. Somehow, he makes it look unique each time. It’s been a while since I’ve really looked at him and I notice he has a beard growing. Not long, trimmed enough to look even more handsome—as if he needed it. He looks up at me and I watch as his eyes slowly drift down to my stomach.

“Ciara,you look—” he trails off.

I smile. “I know. It came out of nowhere, right?” What did I just say? “My jeans don’t even close anymore; I’m going to have to buy some new clothes.”

He straightens and nods. “We can go today.”

I frown. “You don’t have to come with me…”

He takes a step closer to me. “I want to.”

Why does he do things like this? He ignores me for months, then suddenly volunteers to spend time with me? Does he not realize it’s these kinds of offers that make me think he might like me?

“Uh…okay.”

“What time are you off work?”

“Five.”

He nods. “Okay, I’ll meet you here then.”

I smile. “Okay.” I walk to the door. “Bye.” I turn and walk out, closing the door behind me. I feel shaky as I get in my car; I drive to the hospital, hurrying to the locker room and change.

“Hey, you’re finally showing!”

I smile at Rosemary—one of the nurses I work with. She is a petite, pretty woman. Very smart, too. I really like her. “Hey, Rosemary.”

She reaches out and touches my stomach, taking me by surprise. “It’s so cute!”

I smile. “Thank you.”

“Meet you for lunch?”

“Definitely,” I say as we head out of the room.

Time always goes by really fast at the hospital. I take care of women who are about to give birth, which is pretty amazing. I’ve always been so fascinating with how a human is able to grow inside the womb, and even more how a woman is able to endure so much pain. The thought of experiencing it firsthand makes me nervous.

I’m even more nervous when I get out of work and drive back to the condo. I don’t know what mood Evans is going to be in, and at the same time, I’m excited to spend some time with him, which is sad.

When I get out of the car, I realize that he’s waiting by his car, talking on the phone, but he hangs up when he sees me. I walk to him slowly. “Ready?” he asks, opening the door for me.

It seriously feels like we’re back to day one. Back when we were strangers—in a way, I guess we still are.

“Thanks,” I say, getting in the car.

“How was work?”

I snort, looking out the window.

“What?” Evans  asks, glancing at me as he starts the car.

“You don’t have to do this—you don’t have to pretend to be interested.”

He sighs. “I’m interested, Ciara I’m not pretending.”

I turn to look at him. “You ignore me for months and suddenly you want to hang out with me? Excuse me if I can’t keep up with your mood swings.”

He clenches his jaw, watching the road. “You’re right. I apologize for being a jerk.”

“Really?” I ask completely taken off guard; I wasn’t expecting that.

He grins. “Your surprise is insulting.”

I’m about to say something when my phone rings and I answer without checking the caller ID—something I regret as soon as I hear his voice. “Luis,” I say, frowning.

Luis has been calling me every week for the past three months and I’ve been avoiding him. I know why he’s calling, but I don’t know how to tell him why I can’t go out with him. I figured he’d stop, but he hasn’t and I hate doing this to him.

“Ciara, I’ve been trying to reach you. How are you?”

Why does he have to be so nice? “I’ve been good. How have you been?” I look out the window when I see Evans glance at me. I really don’t want to have this conversation in front of him.

“Great. I’ve been, uh, calling you.”

I cringe. “Yes, I know.”

“Did I do something or say something to make you hate me?”

“No, Luis,I’m sorry. I’ve just been very busy.”

“It’s okay, Ciara,If you don’t want to talk to me ever again, just tell me—I can take it.”

I feel horrible. Luis is a good friend and I decided to be honest with him. “Listen, why don’t we have lunch on Thursday?”

“Really?” he sounds surprised.

“Yeah, uh, we can meet at Lenny’s? The one close to the school.”

“Yeah, I know the one. I’ll see you then.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye,” he says before hanging up.

Evan’s quiet and I don’t say anything for the rest of the ride. He takes us to the mall; it’s a Tuesday, so it’s not very crowded. As we walk, I notice some people watching Evans and I wonder if it’s because they recognize him or because he stands out so much. Probably both. Evans either doesn’t notice or he’s just used to it because he keeps walking, looking ahead.

We go to a maternity store and I check out the jeans with Evans shadowing me. The jeans are interesting—it’s denim cloth until the waist, which is more spandex, so they’re slip-on jeans. “These are flattering,” I joke.

Evans chuckles. “Why don’t you try them on?”

I shake my head. “I hate trying on clothes. I’m too lazy to take off my clothes, try something on, then put my clothes back on. It’s annoying.”

“How do you know if the clothes will fit you?”

“I don’t.” I laugh, realizing how dumb I’m. He joins me and we laugh like idiots for a good minute. I don’t even know why we are laughing—we just do.

“Can I help you two with something?”

We stop and look at one of the salespeople. I can tell Evans makes her nervous by the way she’s fidgeting.

“Not right now, thank you,” Evans says politely.

She nods. “I’ll be right over there if you need anything,” she says pointing to the cash register.

Evans nods, making me laugh. He turns to look at me. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing,” I say, moving to the dresses. Since I don’t really like the jeans, I only grab one pair and decide on dresses and skirts instead. They’ll be much easier to wear when I get bigger.

“Penny for your thoughts?” he asks, following me.

“No, thanks.”

He walks around me so I’m facing him and frowns. “Why not?”

I sigh. “Because every time I tell you exactly what I’m thinking, I end up humiliating myself, so I’m keeping to myself from now on.”

“That’s not fair,” he says, his eyes full of amusement.

I raise an eyebrow. “Says the guy who shares everything, huh?”

“That’s different.”

“How so?”

He stays quiet for a moment then smiles. “I got nothing.”

“That’s what I thought.”

He looks at me. “Tell you what: I’ll tell you what I’m thinking, then you tell me what you’re thinking.”

Oh, this could go so wrong. Yet I smile anyway and say, “Deal.”

He puts both hands into his pockets. “I think that you look absolutely radiant. Pregnancy suits you, Miss Damien”

My ears grow hot as I smile and look at the ground, embarrassed. “Thank you.”

When I look up at him again, he’s smiling. “Your turn.”

“It was nothing, really. It’s just funny to see how women act around you—they’d probably kiss your feet if you asked them.”

He frowns. “I would never ask anyone to do that.”

I roll my eyes. “I know, I’m just saying.” I walk past him and busy myself with some dresses. “They’d do anything you asked just to get your attention.” I frown. “It’s kind of sad.”

He chuckles softly, then stops. “Well, that’s because they don’t know.”

I look up at him. “Don’t know what?”

“How messed up I’m,” he tells me.

I don’t say anything for a moment—I just look at him, then I smile. “That’s the first time,” I say, walking past him.

“First time what?” he asks.

I turn to look at him, smiling. “The first time you’ve been completely honest with me.”

* * *

That night, I go to sleep with a smile on my face—something that hasn’t happened in a long time.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand Evans.He ignores me for weeks, then starts being the man I like out of nowhere. Worst part is that I don’t know how long his good mood will last, and frankly, I’m stupid for caring, for wanting him to be like that all the time. But I’ve already accepted that I’m stupid, so I’m just going to embrace it.

The next day, I don’t wake up until ten in the morning. I don’t have work so I don’t get out of bed until around noon and that’s only because I hear a knock on the door. Bellina is probably going to answer it, so I go to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. When I shut the water off, I hear more knocking. I walk out of my room and hurry down the hall, realizing Bellina isn’t here.

I open the door and on the other side is a woman. She’s around my height, with long brown hair and fair skin. She’s wearing a red coat with a scarf around her neck and black boots. There’s a baby carrier in one hand and a diaper bag thrown over her shoulder. She looks confused to see me but smiles anyway.

“Hi,” she says, frowning. “I’m looking for Evans? Do I have the wrong condo?” she asks, looking at the condo number on the side of the door.

Great. Another woman, Evans?

“This is his place. He’s not here, though.”

She frowns. “I’m sorry but who are you?”

“I’m Ciara,” I answer, knowing it’s not really my name she wants.

“I’m Carolina,” she says. “Evan’s sister.”