Chapter 23: Chapter 23

As I open my eyes, I realize three important things.

I’m no longer a virgin.

I’m not in my room.

I’m alone.

I don’t know how long I stare at the ceiling before I finally sit up, realizing I’ve never been in Evan’s room before. There’s not much difference from mine—it’s the bed, drawer, closet, TV, normal things. I don’t know what I expected, but I can’t really think about that right now. Evans’s not in the room, but I can hear his voice coming from the living room—I think he’s talking on the phone. There’s light coming through the windows.

Did I sleep through the whole day or is it the same day?

The clock on the wall indicates that it is 9:04 a.m., so I did sleep through the whole day. My heart beats hard against my chest. I look under the covers and blush when I realize I’m naked. Duh, Ciara

“Okay,” I whisper to myself. “Don’t panic. Not yet.”

I grab the sheet and use it to cover myself as I stand, wincing when I feel pain between my legs. I’m sore and it just makes me think about what happened. How good it felt…

I walk slowly, grabbing my bra and panties from the floor, but I stop at the doorway. I count to three and rush to my room, shutting the door behind me. Oops. I didn’t mean to shut it so loudly, and I lean against it when I hear Evan call my name.

“Evans”  he says, the doorknob moving as he tries to open it. “Ciara, open the door.”

I lean my head against the door and shut my eyes.

Okay. I promised not to freak out. I’m okay—I just need a moment to process, that’s all. A girl needs time to process sex with  Evans Leonard Especially when I specifically told him I wanted to have sex with him. What was I thinking? Since when do I have the courage to say things like that? Right—alcohol. I’m never drinking again—not as long as I’m near Evans,I can’t allow myself to regret it, though. And the truth is, I don’t. That was probably the best night of my life and that scares me to death.

“Ciara please open the door,” Evans repeats.

I take a deep breath. “Okay,” I whisper, unlocking the door and twisting the doorknob. Evans looks concerned, and I almost want to laugh, but my nerves don’t allow it. His hair is messy, his bangs falling on his forehead. He’s wearing basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. It’s a bit embarrassing to look at him, so I look at the floor instead.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly.

I nod.

“Then why are you not looking at me?”

I bite my lip, raising my head and meeting his gaze. I look into his eyes and I’m suddenly on the bed again, him on top of me, buried deep inside of me, looking into my eyes as he thrusts his hips. “I’m fine,” I say, hoping I sound confident.

“Are you sure?” he asks, frowning.

“I’m allowed to freak out a little, don’t you think?”

He nods slowly. “Do you regret it?”

I shake my head. “No. Do you?”

He smiles, easing the tension. “Not at all.”

I don’t realize how much I needed to hear him say that until relief flows through me. A thousand pounds are taken off my shoulders and I suddenly feel much better. We stand there for a moment, staring at each other.

“Well…I’m going to go cry in the shower now.” I finally break the silence.

His eyebrows draw together. “You’re kidding, right?”

I laugh. “Yes. At least I hope so.”

“Okay, I’ll let you shower then.”

“Okay.” I smile, closing the door.

That went better than I hoped. I don’t know if he’s in a good mood because of something from work or whatever, but I’m glad we already went through the awkward part. I take a long shower, and to my surprise, I don’t cry. My spirits fall a little when I get out and realize Evan’s not home anymore.

I make my way to the kitchen to get some food. Bellina changes Evan’s sheets and I blush, wondering if she knows it was me in bed with him. Then I realize how pathetic I am, pretending like I’m the only girl he’s slept with. He’s probably brought many women to bed—the thought bothers me, but that’s the reality.

“Ms. Weston”? I ask when she comes into the kitchen.

She turns to look at me. “I already told you to call me Bellina,” she says with a smile.

I nod, smiling. “Jennifer.”

“Can I help you with something, Miss Ciara?”

“How long have you been working for Evans?” I ask casually.

“For a few years now—he’s a very good boss,” she says with a smile, obviously pleased with him.

“Does he…does he bring a lot of girls home?” I ask, turning to look at her.

She smiles. “Not since you’ve been here, Miss Ciara.”

I frown. “He used to before I moved in?”

She nods. “Oh, yes. I even think he brought one home last night,” she giggles, “but I’m not supposed to talk about it.”

“Right.”

Great. Oh, well—I asked for it. Literally. I can’t blame him and that’s the worst part. I can’t bring myself to regret it, though. It’s still the best night of my life and I’ll always remember it. Besides, the point of having sex with him was getting pregnant—feelings aren’t supposed to be in the equation. This whole situation is already messy. Still, it’s impossible not to wonder how many girls he’s brought home, or if he takes them somewhere else since I’m here.

I stand and pick up my plate, suddenly not very hungry. I wash it and go back to my room. Not wanting to be there, I decide to start looking for a job, so I change and head out.

The nearest hospital isn’t even that far anyway but going turns out to be useless. They tell me to apply online and that they’ll contact me for an interview if they have something for me. I walk back to the condo and spend the rest of the day applying to hospitals and clinics.

That night, I can’t sleep—mostly because I know Evans is still not back. Since when do I care? I can’t allow myself to get attached to him, even if what we did was the most intimate thing I’ve done in my life.

Around three in the morning, I hear the front door open. I expect him to walk in, shut the door and go to his room, but I hear noises instead. I get out of bed, slowly, careful not to make any sounds, and I walk to the door. I twist the doorknob and open it quietly, just enough for me to see the hallway.

It’s dark but I’m positive I hear a girl talking. Something falls to the floor and then the light is turned on; Evans and a blonde girl they are laughing. He goes to the fridge and pulls out two beers, handing her one before they settle on the living room. I shut the door slowly, then lock it.

Is he serious? He’s never brought a woman here while I’ve lived here, and he decides to do it the day after we have sex? I wipe the tears from my cheeks—I can’t cry, I can’t care. He obviously brought her here to send a message. What we did was nothing but sex. I already knew that, so I don’t know why I thought he was changing…or that he liked me.

I crawl in bed and force myself to sleep, but sleep never comes. I feel like crap in the morning, so I get in the shower in the hopes of feeling better. I don’t, so I decided to go to Flora’s—I could really use some girl talk right now. Grabbing my keys and phone, I take a deep breath, ready to head out. I stop dead in my tracks when I walk into the kitchen and Evans is having breakfast with the blonde from last night. They both stop talking about whatever and look at me.

“Ciara,” Evans says.

“Evans” I repeat in the same tone. “Sorry to interrupt—I was just heading out.” I walk fast to the front door before he can say anything else.

“Ciara,wait!”

I stop in the hallway and turn around. Evan’s standing by the door. “What?”

“Where are you going?” he asks.

“Flora’s place.”

He takes a few steps closer to me. “Listen, I don’t have to give you any explanations—”

We’re back to that. I nod. “I know, and I’m not asking you to.”

“We can just go back to how we were before,” he continues.

“I know,” I say, holding my chin up. I’m proud of how stable I sound.

He nods. “Okay. See you tonight, then?”

“Actually I think I’m going to stay with Flora tonight.” I half-smile. “She keeps saying we need a sleepover or whatever.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” I repeat. “See you…later, then.”

He only nods, so I turn and walk away without another word.