Chapter 21: Chapter 21

I know it’s going to be a bad day when I wake up with a headache.

I groan as I roll on the bed and then end up on the floor. “Ow,” I complain. If it weren’t for the sudden urge to throw up, I probably would’ve stayed on the floor, but I ran to the restroom and barely made it to the toilet—I’m so sick and tired.

When did I decide it was a good idea to get drunk? This hangover is horrible. Why do people do this to themselves over and over?

I hop in the shower, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. When I’m done, I change into shorts and a blouse, then head to the kitchen for water.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

I turn toward Evan, who is having breakfast at the table. That’s a weird sight—he rarely eats here.Bellina is also here, making pancakes.

“Can you not be so loud?” I ask, opening the fridge.

He chuckles. “Bellina, can you make a plate for Miss Damien, please?”

“I’m not eating. Thank you, though.” I grab a water bottle.

“Don’t listen to her.” Evans says to Bellina, smiling. “Drinking isn’t all fun, is it?”

I sit next to him and drink some water. “You love to see me suffer, don’t you?”

“Of course not.” He hands me a bottle of pills. “Take two of these—they’ll help.”

“What are they?”

“Just take them.”

“Fine, but Bellina is a witness here. You know, in case you kill me.”

He smiles. “I hope yesterday was fun.”

I swallow the pills then force down more water. “Me too.”

“You don’t remember anything?”

I look up and meet his gaze. His eyes are lighter today, matching his mood this morning, and he’s wearing a light blue button-down with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, his hair combed back. He gives an amused look as I try to remember the night before. “We went to your club and you were there. Great club, by the way—I can’t believe you never took me there,” I tease.

“I didn’t think you liked clubbing,” he says.

“I don’t.”

“Why did you go?”

“Peer pressure.”

He chuckles. “Well, you seemed to have a good time.”

“Really?” I frown. “I don’t remember most of it…”

“That’s a shame,” he says with a smile, taking a sip of his coffee.

Bellina puts a plate of pancakes in front of me. The sight makes me want to puke, but I still say thank you and stare at them for a moment.Evan,laughs. “You know, I’m not sure which I like more: drunk Ciara or hungover Ciara.”

“You’re in a good mood today.”

He grins. “I had a good night.”

I turn to look at him and my gaze drops to his lips.

Oh my god.

He brought me home from the club and then he kissed me…or did I kiss him? Am I confusing this with a dream? Did it really happen? Why would he want to kiss me? Why would I want to kiss him?

My heart skips a beat when he looks at me. “Is something wrong?”

I shake my head, turning my attention to the pancakes, which suddenly look delicious. “Nope—I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Yes?” he asks, placing his elbows on the table.

“The money you gave me, the car—everything—I need to know what’s going to happen now that…” my voice trails. “Listen, I’m sorry for bringing this up, but I need to know if I need a new place to stay.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Do you want to leave?” he asks.

It’s a simple question with a simple answer but I don’t like my answer. “Evans, this is your place. Do you want me to leave?”

Evans pauses, thinking something through before he speaks. “I want to ask you something.” He hesitates. “I want to know if…you would consider trying again.”

“Oh.”

“It doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow or next week; I just want to know if you’d consider it,” he continues.

“I hadn’t really thought about it,” I admit. “I thought you wouldn’t want to…yes.”

His face lights up. “Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not like I have the money to pay you back,” I joke making him laugh. “I’m kidding.” I reach out, placing my hand over his. “I really want to help you, Evans."

He looks down at our hands. “Thank you.”

I pull back, remembering the possibility that we kissed. I want to ask, but I convince myself that it doesn’t matter—I was drunk and I’m so never getting drunk like that again. Kissing him was probably a stupid impulse or something. I don’t know; I don’t want to screw up our friendship, especially if we’re trying again.

“It should be easier this time and we don’t have to try again until you’re ready,” he says.

“We can start after graduation?”

“When is that?”

“Wednesday.”

“Am I invited?”

I tilt my head in question. “You’d come?”

He smiles, showing off his perfect teeth. “Of course.”

“Okay,” I smile. “It’s at 10:30 in the morning.”

His phone suddenly starts ringing. “I’ll be there,” he says before answering.

I eat, suddenly feeling a lot better—those pills really helped. Evan stands.

“Yeah, I’ll be there soon,” he says, hanging up and turning to me. “I have to go. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay.”

He grabs his jacket and heads out. I reach for my phone and call my mom because it’s been a while since I’ve talked to her. So many things have happened, but I can’t tell her anything; I’m relieved to hear my dad is getting better, though. He had surgery and is recovering quickly—my mom said he might even be able to go home soon.

“Are you coming to visit us now that you’re graduating?” She asks.

“Mom, I don’t think I’m going to be able to…you know, I’ll start working soon and it’ll take up most of my time.”

“Right. But you’re doing alright, sweetie?”

“Yes, yes of course.”

“Eating healthy?”

I smile. “Yes. Don’t worry about me and don’t worry about the money either, Mom. If you need more, tell me—take care of Lora and Dad.”

“Of course, sweetie. Please take care of yourself.”

“I will.”

After hanging up, I feel sick—not physically, but mentally. I hate lying to my family and I wish I could visit them, but that won’t be possible. It’ll have to wait until after I have the baby…and I’m not even pregnant yet.

It’s all worth it, though. As long as my dad is healthy, it’s all worth it.

I go to my room and lay in bed, staring at the ceiling as I replay my kiss with Evan. It’s clear in my mind now, but it’s still hard to believe it happened. Is it possible that he likes me? I shake off the thought; feelings are not a good idea right now…or ever. Evans wants a baby and it’s not like I’m ready to be a mom—It’s best to forget the kiss ever happened.

But thinking about going through the insemination process again makes me almost want to back out. I wish there was another way.

Oh Ciara, don’t pretend like you haven’t thought of it.

Having sex is the easiest way to get pregnant…am I really thinking about having sex with Evan? I have to admit it sounds way better than sticking needles into my lady parts. Plus,Evans is one of the most handsome men I’ve ever seen in my life. And it’ll only be one time…

What makes me think he’d want to have sex with me?

I touch my lips, remembering our kiss last night.

Is it possible?

I shake my head and roll over, burying my face in the pillow.

I must be completely delusional—or am I?