Chapter 57: Chapter 57
"No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future."
-Umar ibn Al-Khattab-
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Dennis Bellavance stared at his dying daughter with tears in his eyes. As a man he had tried to keep his emotions away from the public eye since he had always wanted to appear strong for his family. Yet how could he remain strong when the only family member he had left was battling her life while he could do absolutely nothing about it. He picked up a glass of water from the side and drank it. From afar he could see the leftover dinner he did not finish since he could not digest it properly. He felt way too sick to eat anything.
The hospital room was awfully quiet, it was only him and her in the room. The nurse had previously attended to her. They said as long as she was breathing she still had a chance of waking up. As the doctors tried to figure out what was exactly wrong with her. They were making attempts to ensure her body still received all the things it needed. Although there were machines and extensions placed on her fragile body. Clara remained angelic looking. His daughter looked so much like her mother, so beautiful and pure. His daughter had always had a kind heart. He did not understand how such misfortune could happen to her.
To his demise, what happened to her brought a dark sense of deja vu in his heart. It reminded him of the day when he was sitting beside his wife's dying body, he could still vividly remember that day when he accompanied his wife for the last time, at the time, she had been unconscious for days, and every day without fail, he would sit beside her while holding her hand, praying silently to God for her healing, yet God has never been obliged to listen, and no matter how much he prayed, when her time had arrived, she had to go.
Unlike some people, he was not given permission to at least hear her last words, since she was already in a state of coma. He knew he should have prepared his heart for her departure, but there was something in him that still wished she would wake up and watched her daughter grow. Though in the end it was merely a hopeful wish.
He could not stop crying as his wife's heartbeat slowed down for a few seconds before it completely stopped. He had prepared himself for the worst, yet when it actually happened, the experience was completely different. He felt a part of himself disappeared along with her. Little Clara was by his side, she was still too young to understand anything, she could shed no tears. for she had no grasp of what 'death' really was.
It was a long time ago.
What he had before him was in the present. It was his daughter in the hospital bed. His one and only, the most precious thing his wife ever left him, and he was not prepared to lose her, this time, he was not going to let her go. She was too precious for this world, Dennis himself he could not live in a world where he was alone with no one else to love. Dennis was already old, he knew he only had so much time before he had to go, but the last thing he wanted was to die with memories of deaths of the people he loved.
If he was going to die, at least he should die in peace.
In his state of contemplation, he recalled what had happened before he arrived at the hospital. The previous day, right after he arrived at the airport he grabbed a taxi, and went straight to the hospital. He tried to recall what was going on in his mind, the first emotion was worry followed by fear and desperation. In his lifetime, he had only felt such strong emotion twice before, the first was when he first started out his business, the second was when his wife died and this time he was not exactly prepared for it. Which made Clara's case slightly different from the ones he had experienced.
His daughter was a good daughter, a good woman, and a good friend, she had always been the sweetest person since her youth, loved by everyone, and always tried her best to love others. At least that was the way he viewed her, therefore it left a huge question mark in his mind, how could anyone be so cruel and vicious to harm her. What sort of evil person could one be to hurt his daughter. Clara had always been righteous in her life.
She had never done anything terrible to people, such a pure soul, yet there his daughter was, only a bunch of hospital tools could sustain her life, there was no guarantee of her condition getting better so far, they could only wait and see how it was going to turn out.
While he was lost in his own mind, Raphael had entered the room. He was so quiet that Dennis nearly did not notice him. Apparently he had just gotten home from work and it was clear that he had not even gone home to change his outfit as he was still dressed in his suit. There was a look of fatigue and regret in his eyes as he walked over to Dennis.
For the last three days, he always came straight to the hospital after work, he stayed around for hours sometimes went to sleep there, he felt guilty for everything he did to her, and it was the only way he knew to make up for it, yet that day was different since he was meeting face to face with the man that was supposed to be his father in law. His heart felt heavy and he was slightly trembling. He had no idea if he was going to blame him for his daughter's condition. Even if he did, Raphael would not blame him.
"Dennis." Dennis Bellavance lifted his head to meet Raphael's face. It seemed that Raphael was not expecting him to be over there so soon, it was written all over his face. Besides, that, he could also sense the other emotions within the young man, some of which he was experiencing himself at the moment. Raphael thought he was going to yell or scream, but Dennis Bellavance calmly asked him to explain everything he knew. How she could get into such state since no one else had given him the explanation he deserved.
Raphael did not even think twice before he made his confession. Though it was not easy for him, it was better if he took the blame in the first place, admitting that he was wrong and let God helped him for the rest.
There was a brief moment of silence before Dennis came up with a reply. Much to Raphael surprise, he showed no anger or hatred toward him even after he had confessed everything to him, instead, he was silent, as he looked at his daughter, and it only added to Raphael's remorse.
"It is my fault. I did not take better care of her. I am sorry." What could sorry possibly do, it was too late after all. Everything had been said and done, even Dennis was aware of this, he blamed no one but Clara's own misfortune. His heart was in sorrow when thoughts of Jeanette's judgements had she been alive to witness it It was probably not something she would wish for their daughter. Perhaps it was partially Dennis' fault, handing over his daughter to a stranger man whose temper he had yet to see. Though playing the blame game was no longer useful. All they could do was to pray.
"I will make up for it. I will pay for everything. I will do whatever it takes so she will wake up. I promise you that." Dennis raised his hand to stop Raphael from talking any further. He had continued with an honest follow up answer that time. He told him that he was not mad, he was just disappointed. He was disappointed that he did not trust her. That was all.
"Clara has the heart of gold, never in her entire life he had dishearten me. I could only blame myself for allowing her to enter the cycle of suffering." In the end, he blamed himself.
"Please give me one more chance, Sir. This time I will make it right." he turned his head to Raphael. His eyes had been wet from tears.
"That is not my decision, son. You should ask her when she wakes up. If she ever does." Before he could say anything else, the door slammed open once more and this time it was Corentin. When he saw Dennis Bellavance he immediately greeted him. Dennis had a confused look on his face when welcomed by this stranger, it was understandable, they had never met before. He introduced himself as Clara's friend and the person who informed him about Clara's condition.
Dennis flashed a weak smile and thanked him for everything he had done for Clara. He placed his hand on top of Corentin's palm and squeezed it tightly as a sign of gratitude. He had no idea what he would do had Corentin had not been there for Clara. If it was not because of his quick decision to bring Clara to the hospital she might have been gone already.
"You do not need to thank me, it is only expected of me as her friend" Raphael felt slightly neglected, his treatment of him compared to Corentin is visibly different. At the same time, he knew he was the only one who could end up with Clara, he shook off any unnecessary emotion inside him because those very emotions were what destroyed him in the first place.
Both men were seated next to each other on the couch as they waited for the nurse to come and check on her. The doctor did daily visitations, but the nurses usually came into the room around five times a day on their behalf. They had a long conversation for hours over what could have possibly happened with her. None of the men would ever think of sitting in the same room talking about her like then, but some circumstances could do the impossible for people.
After a while, Dennis was feeling tired, he had not rested since he arrived at Paris. Looking at her condition, Raphael suggested him to go rest at a hotel which he had reserved for him, he rejected the offer at first, but Raphael was a master of persuasion, in the end, he agreed, though doubtful, he still wanted to trust these two men who he knew had developed feelings for his daughter. Initially he wanted to stay as it was the only reason why he came there, but the men insisted on guarding Clara that night. On other circumstances he would not feel comfortable letting two grown men guarding his daughter at night, but Dennis knew that the two would not do anything to her. Therefore, after a while, he left.
A few hours had passed. The room was getting quiet. Most of the medical staff had gotten home, it was not really allowed for both Corentin and Raphael to remain with her until so late at night, but none of the staff dared to kick them out after knowing who they were. So there they were, by her side at midnight. The clocked ticked loudly inside the room. It was quiet. Corentin had fallen asleep on the couch while Raphael was awake and he was seated beside her.
Raphael held on Clara's hand the entire time, her hand was slightly cold, he wanted to give her his warmth. Every time he looked at Clara's face he was constantly reminded of his mistake. He was impulsive and jealous, even deep down Raphael knew that he did not deserve her, but he wanted her to stay by his side, he had waited for her for so many years, and he foolishly ruined it with his emotions.
"Forgive me Ma Cherie, I beg of you. Please wake up." One could hear the pain in his voice as he begged for her to wake up as tears started to gather around the rim of his eyes.
"I cannot live without you, Clara. Please..." Resting his face on her palm, he sobbed like a child. Raphael had rarely ever cried, he always had a tough man facade, and it all shattered in an instant. It was all because of her.
Right then someone knocked on the door. Raphael lifted his head and wiped away his tears. He stood up and went to open the door. In his mind he wondered, who could visit her so late at night? Was it the doctor? Turned out his guess was wrong, instead, someone unexpected had shown up at the door.
"Who are you?"