Chapter 52: Chapter 52

“We’ll get him back, Case. I know we will. He won’t let you go that easily. He’ll come back to us and if he doesn’t, we’ll get him to,” Preston sounded so determined that if I wasn’t there myself, I wouldn’t believe that he was the douche who implied I was just another toy his brother would discard after he gets bored of me.

My hands rubbed my face, wishing I could just rub all the worry and anxiety out of my system.

I knew I should be grateful instead of hating the situation. At least I would still get to see him. Even though he wouldn’t remember who I was, I would still remember who he was and that was supposed to be enough.

To even imagine him waking up and look at me as if I was a complete stranger was enough to cause the ache in my heart to reach its peak. I didn’t want to lose him, not after what we’ve gone through.

Through the hospital window, lighting flashed and a thunder’s roar followed suit before the pelts of rain started hitting the window loudly, matching the gloom mood of the room.

“I don’t want to lose him, Pres. Not after everything. It’s my fault,” I sobbed and I was surprise to feel the warmth engulf me the second the first tear slipped out through my shut lids.

Preston shushed me, “It’s not your fault, Case. What happened was an accident. Don’t blame it on yourself.”

His words made the tears increase and soon, my chest was heaving from the effort to not throw something towards the wall out of frustration and anger towards myself. I loathed the fact that even after what happened to his brother, Preston couldn’t trace the dots and figure out that all the mishaps that have been happening begun the minute that I came along.

“It is my fault, you idiot. Why won’t you just hate me?! I am the reason that your flesh and blood is lying on his death bed!” I yelled in outrage. “I am the reason that your brother might not remember anything. Not even you,” I shoved him away from me and faced the other way, too ashamed of myself to face him.

“I wasn’t strong enough or smart enough to get money quicker so that your mother would receive treatments and an operation sooner. I could’ve saved her and now I couldn’t even fulfill the promise I made her,” I spat out and felt his hand landed on my shoulder, trying to coax me to calm down. I shrugged it off, walked to a dark corner of the room and hugged myself, still not facing him.

“I street fight, Pres,” I whispered and instead of receiving insults, I could practically see him shrugging.

“So? Adam fights too. It’s not that big of a deal, Case. How would it connect to all of this anyways?” I squeezed my eyes shut and with a heavy heart, spilled the beans on my double life to him.

“... He threatened me on re-entering that competition or he will kill everyone I love. This was a warning. Not for Adam, but for me,” a shiver ran down my spine and my fingers tightened themselves around my arms. I didn’t hear anything from Preston and I appreciated the silence, deciding to tend to my internal banter between my conscience and my demons.

“Honestly, I want to blame you. God, how I want to kill you right now for putting my brother in this situation but on the other hand, I couldn’t do that because it wouldn’t be fair to you.”

My body was turned forcefully to face the man before me who, after all that I’ve told him, was still not looking at me with disgust but with sympathy.

“You didn’t know this was going to happen, Case. I know you love my brother. You’re carrying one hell of a baggage and it was my brother’s choice to be with you or not and since he hasn’t ran away, I’m going to respect his wishes and let you make your decision.”

My eyes snapped towards his as he kept eye contact.

“So, what is it going to be?” I gulped while our eyes never let each other’s wander away.

I knew what he was talking about. Now that Adam lost his memory. There was a choice to make. I was a nuisance to this family; a silent threat to them. I was a silent threat to everyone I loved. People were going after me, not them.

There was a choice I should make; to stay or to leave; and there were certainly more complicated things to think about.

Right before I could answer him, Jerry walked in with a grim look on his face.

“He’s awake.”

***

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply through my nose, Preston’s question ringing through my head.

“So what’s it going to be, Case?” I asked myself quietly and with a heavy heart, I knocked on the door and pushed the handle down and nudged the door open before stepping in slowly.

‘Come on, Case. You can do this,’ I told myself mentally, looking around the room until my eyes landed on the man lying on the bed with his eyes closed and a deep frown on his face.

His head was propped on a pile of pillows so that he would be able to look around the room instead of just staring at the ceiling.

A lump was lodged on my throat and my heart plunged into my stomach as his eyes snapped open and looked my way. My breath was caught on my throat and I held my breath, waiting for a reaction.

I was greeted with a frown and a perplexed look.

“Do I know you?” He questioned with confusion laced under his tone.

I could feel my heart drop even further.

‘He doesn’t remember me.’

The realization crashed into me and it finally dawned on me that I was a stranger towards him again.

This is what you wanted in the first place; for him to not bother you and follow you around. Be happy, I tried convincing myself with a pile of bull but deep in me, I knew that this man dug deeper than anyone did and he had built his throne that resides in my heart now. My conscience was screaming at me to remind him who we were once more; to make him remember what we had before all of this happened.

I loved him but he didn’t love me. Not when he couldn’t even remember who I was.

Those places we visited, the things we did together, the problems we faced together weren’t even a memory to him anymore. They were mists that he would never be able to touch ever again.

I felt my heart breaking, my world crumbling down right before me as I looked into his eyes then and there. I could see him but he couldn’t see me. He wouldn’t ever be able to see me.

I made a move to step towards him and he stayed put, he didn’t flinch or cringe but he didn’t move closer. There was a frown and a curious look on his face.

“I’m sorry. Do I know you?” He asked again while biting his lips, indicating that he was thinking really hard before wincing and clutching his head.

I opened my mouth to answer him but closed it again once I remembered what Preston told me. I’ve put this family in more danger than protecting it. Staying with them would mean putting them in the middle of a war that they knew nothing of and that wasn’t fair. They didn’t choose to participate in this war and they wouldn’t be a part of it. I wouldn’t let it happen.

My heart screamed at me to say yes, to help rebuild his memory and make more of them by staying by his side but my head denied it, thinking more rationally and logically.

If you loved them, you wouldn’t be reluctant in letting them go once you knew it had gotten to the point where it was starting to hurt them.

This was for the best.

I forced a smile and made sure it reached my eyes. It wasn’t hard to fake a smile after a while of practice. I made sure my eyes were a bit squinted and casted the throb in my heart aside.

“No, I must have entered the wrong room. Sorry for disturbing you,” My voice cracked in the end and I slapped myself mentally for that slip up.

I feared that he was going to suspect something but instead, he mirrored my smile, although his was more strained, and nodded.

“It’s no problem,” he murmured, still staring at me like he was trying to push through the fog that was clouding his memory.

My heart cheered for him to dig deeper and successfully recognize me but my brain prayed that he would let it go and leave it at that for his sake.

I felt as if dozens of knives were piercing through me and my hands trembled at the force I was using to keep myself together for a little while. I prayed that I wouldn’t ever forget how his lips felt on mine or the sweet memories that were drilled into my head. I turned around, ready to leave the room while caressing my lips and they tingled, as though to help me remember and relive it once again.

“Wait,” Adam called out, causing my whole body to go rigid and my hand froze before it could touch the handle of the door. I put on a smile once more and prepared myself before turning around.

“Yes?” Adam squinted a little, drinking in my features and I could feel my heart cheering him on while my brain growled in my head for him to drop it. I was in an internal battle with myself and it was all because of the clueless guy I call my boyfriend.

He might not remember me as his girlfriend but I would always remember. It was an eternal torture that I couldn’t escape; that I wouldn’t ever be able to escape.

“Do you mind helping me call the nurse?” I forced the sigh of relief in and the smile to stay intact to not show my disappointment.

I was complicated.

I nodded mutely, fearing that I would burst into tears then and there if I were to speak. I saw his confused expression and I realized my eyes were blurring, full with unshed tears and I hurriedly slip out of the door and shut it with a soft click and slid down the wall beside it with tears streaming down my face as I let go.

Wasn’t the problems I have in the first place enough to keep my life interesting?

I forced myself to bow my head and closed my eyes, praying silently for the strength to get through this. To get past the problems and obstacles life was throwing my way.

After my meltdown, I picked myself up, wiped my tears dry and kept my chin up. I’ll get through this. I know I will.

You did the right thing, Case, I told myself while walking down the dark hall, feeling alone and lost.

With that, I trudged through the halls to meet back with the others and tell them of my plan.