Chapter 10: Chapter 10

As tasteless as water, so did Martha’s life become. Everything she loved − chocolate, dance and music – all became bland. The books she loved to read were worst. Before now she read a lot of romantic, classic and detective books. She loved novels. James Hadley-Chase and Chinua Achebe were her favorite authors. She loved the way they wrote and excited her. To her, both writers wrote with unusual imagination. Strangely, their books too were now insipid to her. She was stuck in a cold, small world of her own where everything moved languorously, and she was the solitary mourner. Her life was crumbling apart. Indeed, life is as swift as the wind. It changed and turned at every point, and one must be wary of the surprises lurking at the corner. Her parents had taught her that. Before now she thought they were the best in the world. Every morning she woke from sleep, with the sun streaming into her comfy room, she thanked God mightily for the sunshine they have brought into her life, and that of Jessie’s. She had lived a sheltered and blissful life. Now it pained her that her parents were the ones causing her untold pain. What they proposed was absurd to her.

She was still at sea, and yet to come to terms with the cold truth that she was being forced to throw away her life and dreams, and do what was never in her script. She was still young and full of the sap of life. She was still full with the exuberance of youth. Yet all that means nothing to her parents. She was to throw away that happiness, adventures, failures and triumphs that came with youth. She was to go and wear the habit that would leave her in the cold and unadventurous world forever. Her parents were selfish. But so was she.

She could recall her father’s words, loud and rattling in her head like the throbbing sound of the ogene, beaten in the dead of night. He had said that he and Miriam have sacrificed their lives to give her and Jessie all they have undeniably enjoyed. Her mother had endured a decade of torment, because of her inability to bear another child. And the constant thought of that was eating her up. She and Jessie have flirted with the thought of having a fine little brother that would make their lives perfect and merrier. But not for one moment had she ever thought she would be asked to lay down her life for that dream to come true.

Martha sat stiffly on the bed, sobbing. Her heart was bleeding. She was at crossroads. The thought of being selfish and inconsiderate kept tugging her mind. What about her family? Was it not the time to repay them? If she denied her parents the chance to be happy and fulfilled, would things ever stay the same? Will her parents ever forgive her? And if they don’t, would she ever be able to live with that? However, if she agrees to it, then she would have to give up her life. There were several disturbing questions to ask and there were no answers. She rose from the bed and paced around her room. Then she lay on the bed and slept off. When she woke up, it was afternoon. The rays of the blistering sun were piercing through her window and gleaming into her room. She yawned and stretched herself languorously. She had decided on what to do. She undressed and tied the towel across her succulent breasts and entered the bathroom. The cold water was slopping on the bathroom’s wall and splattering on her sad face as she bathed.

Miriam and Frank returned from work and found Martha in the living room. She was watching the television. There was an unusual shimmer in Martha’s eyes, as she sat on the sofa. Frank stared at Miriam with surprise in his eyes. They were surprised at Martha’s sudden turnaround. In the past few days, they have pleaded with her to come out of her room. But Martha remained withdrawn. She had shut everyone out of her life. Tired of everything, Miriam had left Martha to her grief. She had hoped that Martha would shake off the grief and return to her usual cheery life. Nonetheless, she did not think it would happen so soon.

‘Mom, Dad, you’re welcome,’ Martha greeted, as she wheeled in the sofa, facing them. ‘I hope the day was good?’

‘Yes. Indeed it was,’ Frank replied, hiding his surprise, as he looked at Martha and noticed how thin and pale she had become. ‘I see you’re having fun with Morris.’ Morris was Martha’s cat and best friend.

‘We’re not dying today, so we decided to be happy,’ Martha said in an undertone.

‘Where is Jessie?’ Miriam asked, after finding her voice. ‘Shouldn’t she be here with you?’

‘Jessie is in her room as usual. You know she’s the quiet one,’ Martha replied.

‘All right, you and Morris should have a nice time. I will go upstairs and refresh. Then I’ll come down and join you. I am relieved you’re all right,’ Miriam said. Frank rose sharply from the sofa and held Miriam’s hand. And as they climbed up the stairs, Martha spoke to them.

Mom, Dad, I’ll come to your room soon,’ she said; her voice floating towards them.

‘We shall be waiting for you,’ Frank said, after a brief pause. They hurried into their bedroom and Frank sat on the bed edgily.

‘What do you think is responsible for her turnaround? And what do you think she wants to talk about?’ he asked Miriam. Miriam turned and stared at him awkwardly.

‘How will I know what is responsible, and what she wants to talk about? Am I a mind-reader or a mentalist?’ she asked him as she gave a short sigh. Frank stared at her and swallowed spittle. After they bathed, they sat on the bed talking and waiting for Martha. Miriam tried to fathom what would be on Martha’s mind, but her mind was blank. Frank poured some wine into a glass cup and raised it up to his mouth and sipped slowly. Then there was a knock on the door. He rose from the bed and exhaled.

‘Martha is that you?’ he asked fretfully. Martha remained silent, and then spoke shrilly.

‘Yes, Dad, it’s me. Can I come in?’ Frank opened the door and Martha entered the cozy bedroom and stood at the corner, as her eyes travelled across the bedroom. The plush and expensive décor of her parent’s bedroom was impressive. She stared at wallclock, as the strong lavender scent of the bedroom filled her nose. Then she looked at Miriam who was perching nervously at the edge of the bed, like a wife whose angry husband had chased away.

‘My daughter, you’re welcome,’ Miriam said finally, clearing her throat.

‘I’ve come for us to talk,’ Martha said softly. ‘I’ve been distant from everyone these few days, and I have learned that life is meaningless without the love of one’s family and friends. I missed the love and warmth. I cannot go on like that. What both of you have asked me to do is to lay down my life for another, and that is hard for anyone. If I ask either of you to do the same thing, you’ll see it is hard.’ Frank shook his head and sighed.

‘Indeed, it is hard, my daughter. Yet I do not want you to speak in that tongue,’ Frank said, ‘choosing to serve the Lord is not a bad thing. What in life is easy? Life teaches us hard lessons every day. We’ve seen there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Life is give and take. If you agree to do this, you’ll find out that when a snail comes to the thorns with a cheerful face, the thorns allows it to walk through it unscathed. However, I urge you to do whatever you want on your own accord.’

‘Of course, on my own accord,’ Martha said shrilly. ‘If I refuse will things ever stay the same? Will you ever find fulfilment? Will you ever forgive me?’ she asked Frank. There was a light pause, and Martha breathed heavily. ‘I’ve come to understand that in a cruel world as ours, that choice is only the word for men; it’s not often so for girls and women. Women and girls do not have the choice to make the choices they really want. Men always choose for us. I’ve come to accept that choice and bitter truth. I’ll give up my life for your happiness and for Mom’s fulfillment. I’ll bear the pain, and hope that in the future that I can look back and see it was worth it,’ Martha finished mournfully, as scalding tears streamed on her face.

Martha’s words pierced Miriam’s heart. She jerked her head sharply, like an animal that had sniffed danger in the air. The emotions packed in Martha’s words broke her heart. She was speechless. Having stayed silent for awhile, Miriam rose from the bed and clasped Martha in her arms. They locked in a warm and tearful embrace. She wetted Martha’s face with her tears. Frank rose from the chair with a deep feeling and paced ruefully around the bedroom. He was touched by Martha’s bravery and self-sacrifice. He sniffed and rubbed his hand across his eyes. The strong emotion in the bedroom was sweeping over him.

‘I admire your bravery and selflessness, my daughter,’ he said finally. ‘You’ve done what will be remembered forever in this family, and for this we’ll be mortally grateful. It is not easy to do what you’ve agreed to do. Only those with genuine love in their heart can do it. I am not emotionless, so I have chosen to celebrate you.’

Miriam unclasped Martha from her embrace and cupped her face in her trembling hands. She looked into her eyes and searched for any nuance of weakness. But Martha’s face was blank. Yet she could feel the pain in Martha’s heart that only a mother could feel. She kissed her lovingly, and spoke to her in a touching voice.

‘You’ve done this not for anything else, but because of the true love in your heart. You’ve not done this because of the guilt you’ll feel if you don’t. You’ve sacrificed your happiness to put a smile on my face,’ Miriam said, as tears streamed on her face. ‘I don’t know the right words to use to express how much a mother loves her child, as that is how much I love you. I want you to know that if we were to trade places that I would do the same for you and Jessie, because I love you,’ she said, sobbing.

Frank trudged down the stairs to the living room and sat at the bar; he poured some wine in the tall glass and chugged it down his throat. He poured another, and remained there, drinking copiously and weeping in his heart.