Chapter 15: Chapter 15

CHAPTER 12

Sam was a difficult and yet fanatical person. Hedisagreed with Teju whenever Teju exhorted him against promiscuity, and that was becausehe had very strong but completely erroneous ideas which backed him up. The way he expressed these ideas made them prudent, it made them sound like truth, harsh and stodgy.

Teju glanced at him. He was a stalwart, and Teju could feel his weight thumping the ground as he walked beside him. Sam picked up interest in bodybuilding after he read in one of his books that girls were usually attracted to highly muscled men and that the question of being sexy as a man was based on whether you have six packs or not. However, since the inception of economic recession in the country, research had shown that girls would rather follow men with six cars rather than six packs. The upper parts of Sam were broad and big, but his waist was slim. A pair of thin dry-looking legs seemed to be encumbered with the responsibility of carrying his big body. It was a stature that made him look like a baseball bat, or like an improper fraction in mathematics.

Sam often told him how safe girls said they always felt whenever he cuddled them in his domineering arms. They said it felt like being in Aso Rock. Teju would laugh furtively and wish for a moment that those girls could gasp awake from their idiotic slumber and see once and for all for themselves that they were trapped rather than cuddled in the most unsafe place on earth.

“Wait, these shallow thinking girls- are they not charging you?” Teju said suddenly breaking the silence

“Charging me, for what, for having fun with them? Hell no, they are no prostitutes and I don’t spend a dime on them, in fact, these girls most times pay the bills whenever we go out on a date. It’s a world of free sex, it’s absolutely a win-win situation for me, and that is the coolest thing about the whole affair” Sam said in a self-assured tone that made Teju wish Sam’s wife had been eavesdropping somehow all along.

“Look, let’s talk about something else. So how are you coping with the economy?” Teju said, determined to change the subject. Talking about a heavy subject like the nation’s economy was just the best thing. Sam left the question unanswered for quite a while, and an engulfing silence wielded them in deep reflection, as though it appeared expedient for both of them to evaluate the answer they ought to give to the question even before giving it.

“Sometimes, I feel the greatest mistake I ever made was being a citizen of this nation” Sam blurted out in what seemed as internal rage

“Why? It has not gotten to that, has it?” Teju said, surprised

“Yes, it has and it’s getting worse. I have often asked myself this question, ‘what are my profits so far for being a citizen of this nation?’ I look around and see nothing to point at. I know it is patriotically questionable for me to ask what my country had done for me, but there are millions of citizens serving this nation, and they get absolutely nothing in return. As if that was not enough, they decided to compound our problems with a sorrow-infested economy. That means, on top of unpaid or stupidly modulated salaries and gratuities of several months, we have to live through an abnormal rise in the cost of living. And today my friend, I’m proud to tell you that I’m ashamed to be called a civil servant.” Sam said with aching sadness muddled up in his voice which had grown sullen.

"I’m sorry about that. Even working in a private-owned company has its own risk. Investors are pretty paranoid with the economy, and our clients are very much diffident in spending, yet they set a virtually unrealistic and unachievable target for us. You can’t believe that for the past six months, I have been unable to meet my monthly target and they are complaining. This month would probably be my best month so far because I’m closer to meeting my target than ever." Teju said, trying to sound unhappy as if to assure Sam he was not in any better situation than he was.

Of course, Teju did not have a hundred percent pity on Sam. He could only partially pity him because the government was being unfaithful to him despite his loyalty and diligence, just like he was being unfaithful to his ever-loyal and faithful wife. Though- as far as Teju was concerned- there were no obvious proofs that she was faithful. Even though one did not give rise to the other, it was still very much plausible to Teju that the government was paying Sam in his own coin.

“But you guys get paid at least. If perchance there is a vacancy at your office, please let me know. I would readily quit my job to wash dead bodies if they would pay me well and on time” Sam said, and Teju laughed

“No wonder some people in this country would willingly kill their mothers in order to migrate to another country of greener pastures” Sam put in and Teju nodded in agreement. Of course, many citizens of the country would not hesitate to jump into the immigration train if they had the chance. Even Sam would have ditched his country forever if he had not been denied a visa for the past three years.

“So if you aren’t getting paid, how on earth do you survive?” Teju suddenly saw himself wondering

“Well, I’ve been into this MMM thing since its inception in the country, and I get thirty percent interest on my investments, so with MMM, I have been able to keep my mouth above water; if not for MMM, I’m goddamn sure I would be nothing but an educated street beggar by now” Sam said vaguely looking at a couple of ladies in tight blue jeans passing along “God, they are so hot” he muttered under his breath.

MMM was popularly known as one of the earliest Ponzi schemes that emerged in the country following the advent of the recessive economy. It was introduced to ‘support’ mostly the middle-classed masses that were at risk of being thrust into the lower-class. It had been in existence since 1989 in Russia and had been introduced in other African countries like South Africa, Kenya, Ghana, and Zimbabwe. Even though many people frowned at the risk it involved, millions of people got the balls to sign up for it, nicknaming it Money Making Machine. But Teju like some other people was a stout and unrepentant sceptic. He had always thought MMM was a legal fraud trying to leverage on the dwindling economy to fleece people of their life savings. Probably he was wrong after all, and he could have given it a try.

“So MMM is not a scam?” Teju said

“Scam? No, it is not. I can’t believe you’re one of these primitively bigoted and paranoid people who see MMM as a scam. MMM is the saviour of so many people in this country, and I’m a living testimony” Sam boasted.

MMM would later collapse. It would freeze its participants’ accounts and withhold both their investments and interests. This would traumatise many of the participants and lead to a number of attempted suicide cases. And though it would later reopen, unfreeze old participants’ accounts and make modulated payments to some of its old lucky participants, yet a great mass of the so-called old lucky participants would rather run off greedily to other Ponzi schemes and would be dealt another blow afterwards.

Sam stopped a taxi

“Hey buddy, Ebun is the hottest girl I’ve ever seen in my entire sexual career, I spare her for you, think about it!” Sam said cheerfully from the taxi as it sped off.

As the white and blue-stripped taxi waned into obscurity, Teju thought about what Sam had just said. If someone like Sam recommended a girl for him, it was worth considering. He was a professional scout. He had eagle eyes for ladies who had great potential in bed. He envisioned the fine contours of Ebun. The way her upright and juicy breasts shoot out from her shirt and the way her fluffy buttocks danced in her tight skirt made Sam’s departing words ring some sense into his head.