Chapter 12: Chapter 12
CHAPTER 9
A week before: Saturday, 19th November.
Teju woke up with a boner. His wife was curled up like a cat under his arms. He was sure he had woken up from a dream, but immediately he opened his eyes and saw his wife, he forgot his dream and he did not bother to remember it.
Yesterday was a day he was not willing to forget anytime soon. It was a day which had proven more phenomenal than he had ever envisaged. For the pre-wedding anniversary outing, they had gone to KFC in Palms Mall at Ring Road even when he had initially suggested Dimino’s Pizza. But she had said she was dying to eat chicken and chips. The only thing that could keep her heart beating was the crunchy and crispy taste of French fries and the spicy taste of chicken, she had playfully threatened.
“You’ll have to end your enmity with pizza very soon because, on our wedding anniversary date, your throat will be filled with it,” Teju said as they both settled down at a table.
“Oh yeah,” Simi said with a chuckle “I know my hatred for pepperoni pizzas would elicit a protest from my ever-overprotective husband anytime soon, especially because he believes pizza is good for the heart, and he wants his sweetheart to have a good heart, doesn’t he?” Simi said teasingly.
“Well, the only thing that could keep your heart sweet and safe is being a vegetarian. And that means no more chicken nuggets, no more pepperoni pizzas, and no more chicken á la King.” Teju replied with cynicism.
“Vegetarian? That sounds like hell and trouble to me”
A waitress appeared from a corner, she had a smile on her face which seemed plastic and well-rehearsed; a smile under duress.Teju wondered if waitresses were taught to smile in a particular way to clients. Though her smile looked warm and hospitable enough, it seemed a sort of danger hovered around it that it rather made Teju a little uneasy. It appeared there was a burning desire to sit where Simi was sitting beneath her smile, and probably Simi could see right through this.
“What would you like to have sir?” the waitress said smiling, and it was obvious she was mainly addressing Teju; if Simi had been invisible, the waitress could not have acted better.
“Oh yeah, I think a bowl of French fries, covered with gravy, cheese, and mashed potatoes would be great, and then chicken, I love chicken laps mostly” he rejoined
“All right, and what would you like to drink?” the waitress pursued
“Ah well...”
“I think Mountain Dew would be perfect” Simi interrupted. The waitress turned to Simi for the first time
“Okay ma,” she said, pretending to be jolted into the consciousness that they were two people at the table rather than one
“And please, I’m not a very good fan of cheese, so you can leave that out of my bowl” Simi added.
“No problem madam, is that all sir?” she said turning to Teju
“Of course, just let us have that, one for me and one for my wife,” Teju said to the waitress who disappeared into a corner.
“Did you say that to appease me?” Simi said,
“Appease you? You’re not a god or something, are you?” he said, laughing
“Well, you know that girl was flirting with you, don’t you?” Simi asked, and pointed with her thumb at the direction where the waitress had earlier vanished
“Oh... you mean the waitress”
“Call her whatever you want to call her, just answer the question”
Teju scoffed and shrugged, but Simi clearly was not interested in that, she rather stared hard at him for an answer.
“Can I be honest, I do not see why you should think she’s flirting with me in the first place” Teju finally said.
“That bitchy smile on her face is the ideal starting episode of her long flirtatious journey with you,” Simi said quietly
“What? Her long flirtatious journey with me? I can’t believe you’re saying this” Teju agitated
“Yes, but it’s true, and you know it”
“Of course I don’t Simi,” Teju said almost raising his voice
“You smiled back at her, didn’t you?”
“Of course I did, a married man shouldn’t be hanged for smiling back at a smiling waitress, should he?”
Simi stared awkwardly at him. Apparently, she was not going to answer the question. Teju stared back blankly. He was completely at sea with Simi’s demeanour on a day which supposed to be one of the most remarkable days of their married life. Teju knew the strange silence protruding out of their pre-wedding anniversary date had an unsheathed sword, and if they were just going to stare at each other like dolls, their date could have its throat slit by that sword.
“All right, if you don’t feel comfortable with me smiling to a smiling waitress, then, I promise that the next time she’s here, I would be so stone-faced that you’ll beg me to at least wear a little smile and I would not hear you”. Teju threatened, trying to sound blunt
It seemed all he had said had only fallen on deaf ears. Simi just stared at him with a critical face as though he was only on a stage, acting out a script. The waitress reappeared bearing a tray with two bowls and bottles of what they had ordered, and though the plastic smile was still on her face, Teju’s stony face was not missed. The effect of Teju’s frown on the waitress appeared to be much and too plain to be unnoticed. And as she served the both of them, popping off bottle lids, her plastic smile literarily vaporised like mentholated spirit. A bemused look crawled up her face and she avoided an eye contact both with Simi and Teju. Teju watched Simi who at that time was watching the waitress as she served, and he could see a ribald smirk edging up on her face. What on earth is she doing? He thought
“Do you need any other thing sir?” the waitress quizzed staring at the table somewhat mortified, probably by his rocky face.
“Arrrgh... I think we’re great, or do you need anything, honey?” Teju asked turning to Simi
“Oh no, not at all” she replied
“Yeah, we’re okay with this, if we need anything, we would beckon on you, thank you very much,” Teju said still frowning
“You’re welcome sir,” the waitress said, curtsied and disappeared again. Immediately the waitress was gone Simi burst into laughter, and Teju who had been praying silently that his wife should pretend as though nothing had happened and let it all pass was puzzled.
“What? Why are you laughing?”
“I can’t believe you frown? I can’t believe you actually took me seriously”
“So you were pulling my poor little legs,” he said joining in the laughter, “you could make someone die of hypertension with your black sense of humour”
“There’s nothing black about my sense of humour, everything was kind of boring, I just decided to light everything up. But that joke was half serious” Simi replied
“Was it?” Teju asked
“Yes, that girl was flirting with you; I’m a lady, and I could tell when a lady is flirting with a man even when I have my eyes closed” Simi explained
“Look, Simi, I would never in a million years think of cheating on you, let alone cheating on you” Teju assured
“Baby I know, but no man is completely bulletproof to these seductive cum catchers, you might find it hard to believe but girls have this magic wand that could sweep you off your feet before you know it” Simi continued
“All right, let just say girls are enchantresses, and your spell is the strongest in my heart,” Teju said as they both laughed. With the help of a waiter, they took a few pictures together with their white teeth shining like diamonds, and Teju expected more pictures of him and his wife on Facebook and Instagram the next day. He expected her to be excited over the number of likes the pictures had grossed, or her excitement over what a distant friend of hers had commented on the pictures.
Such was the atmosphere that engulfed their pre-wedding anniversary date, the fulsome laughter kept pouring out from them like a gush of water. Teju, as he lay in bed that morning, tried to recollect every fleeting moment that passed, every word spoken, every feeling felt the previous night. It made his head clearer and his body lighter. He ran his hand slowly over her smooth and succulent lap but she lay still, making a faint zzzing sound. He was not willing to disturb her sleep. He took a long look at her sleeping face. She seemed more vulnerable, innocent and gorgeous in her sleep. He punched his phone for some minutes. He seized the opportunity to be the first to upload a few pictures of their pre-wedding anniversary date on his Facebook and Instagram account. He placed a kiss on her cheek, jumped out of bed and got into his arsenal football kit. He was going to play football on a football field some kilometres away as he always did on Saturdays.