Chapter 10: Chapter 10

CHAPTER 8

A Day after Black Friday: Saturday, 26th November.

Teju opened his eyes slowly, as though he was unsure of what he was going to see. He found himself on the sofa. Though he could not recall how he had ended up there, he was certain it was strange. A sharp pain coursed through his neck, down to his backbone; the recompense for sleeping without the comfort of a bed, and without the cushioning of a pillow. His belly ached, deflated and flat, his belly seemed to be as delicate as toilet paper. The heavy fog in his head started to gradually thin away. By default, his inconclusive thoughts started reconnecting to his past. How had he ended up sleeping on the sofa without his wife coming to call him to the room?

His eyes were wary, trying to pull the eyelids over themselves as though they were shy of the reality they saw. He started recollecting the events that preceded his present day like a computer system recovering its data from backup memory. Yesterday was Black Friday, and he had come home very late and drunk.... and his wife had.... oh no.... his wife had accused him of cheating on her. And she had... oh my God... she had attacked him with a knife. He quickly checked himself. He patting his body fretfully, looking for where he could have been stabbed when he was asleep. He could not find one on his body. He relapsed back on the sofa in relief, enjoying the disappointment.

His eyes fell on the knife lying with threat on the centre table. It was no dream, not even a nightmare, he thought. He shuddered. He had been foolish enough to turn his back on a knife. What if she had woken up early and had seen the knife lying on the table, and he was asleep on the sofa. What if the devil that took over her yesterday takes over her at the sight of the knife?

He wondered what had happened to the love Simi had for him. It seemed the love had vaporised like salt water within hours. How mystifying, that he should leave home for work in the morning with a loving kiss from his wife, only to come back home late and drunk in the night with a heated allegation of connubial unfaithfulness and a physical assault with a knife thrust at him in the most vicious and shocking manner. He weighed the possibility of unloving someone who you have loved for over five years in just an hour. And as he gained consciousness from his sleep, that was his greatest fear. That he had become an unloved spouse, a derided husband to Simi. There was no greater marital tragedy than this. Unlike many of the tragic heroes in ancient Greek tragedies, he was not ready to accept his tragic fate in good faith.

He pitied himself. He felt greatly weak even from the inside to the outside. His nervous system was sluggish like an overloaded computer with a low RAM. His mind was weary and heavy. His sight was hazy and even to move his limp was like moving a rock. He lay still on the sofa. His thoughts were running from how he would settle the twisted matter with Simi to why he was as weary and depressed as he was.

Then suddenly, he heard a slap-slap sound of slippers against the tiles from the stairs. He tried to stand, but his strength failed him as he slumped back to the sofa. Simi appeared. His heartbeat stopped. His eyes refused to blink. Simi stared at him with sheer exasperation, and he stared back at her pleadingly.

He had not seen her face like that in all his intimate years with her. The explanation he could give such a strange encounter with Simi was that Simi was now someone else. A stranger. He could see a heavy malicious shadow of some hateful person on her facade. Though he saw it clearly, he could not decipher what it was. Her gaze went to the knife on the centre table and returned to Teju. He was shaking his head, begging her not to think of the knife.

“Give me the knife” Simi commanded. She made for the knife, but an unusual strength possessed Teju and he sprang up to intercept Simi.

“Baby, you’ve got to trust me. It is not the way you see it,” Teju said diffidently. He knelt down and held Simi’s hand.

“Take your grimly hands off me, you accursed womaniser” Simi raved and she jerked off his hands.

“Look, you need to understand me, I would never do that, I would never betray your trust, I love you, baby,” Teju said, crawling on his knees towards her.

“Don’t you baby me, I’m not your baby; not anymore,” Simi said, backing off a little from him.

“Wait.... is this a sort of joke or something?” Teju said and stood up on his feet.

“Do I look like I’m joking, Teju? Do I look like Basketmouth or Mr Bean? Look at me Teju, and tell me again that I’m joking” Simi said in a raised voice that made a nippy feeling of fear in his body.

“But that sounds like a joke, how can you say you’re not my baby anymore just a week to our first wedding anniversary,” Teju said with a scoff.

Simi took off her slippers and threw them at Teju in outrage.

“Damn you! Screw your empty and frivolous wedding anniversary. I bet you’re going to get the other side of it” Simi said and made her way to the kitchen, stamping her feet like an enraged naughty child.

“What are you talking about, I didn’t cheat on you, I repeat; I didn’t cheat on you, Simi,” Teju said unequivocally with a raised voice behind her.

“You and your friend are the same, you would deny a scandal you committed even though you were caught red-handed,” Simi said turning back on Teju.

“What?”

How the hell did she know Sam was in this womanizing business in which he had no investment?

“Oh... you’re surprised,” Simi said with laughter devoid of pleasure, and full of scorn. Teju could not point out what he felt. If he felt remorse for betraying his friend whichever way, or if he felt angry at the discolour Sam had brought to his reputation, and more perniciously, to his marriage.

“Is this the same thing happening in his home?” Teju asked with a low voice.

“Why not, you should know we can’t stand men like both of you in such an intimate business like marriage, you should know better Teju”

“Look, I can explain this...”

“Oh well, explanation? I’m sure that’s what Sam is doing right now... so who is interested in such illogical and damning explanation wrapped up in pure untruth? Cut the crap, mister!” Simi interrupted and turned to the kitchen. She was almost at the kitchen door when Teju said

“I hate to let outsiders settle the dispute for us. But I think I have no choice than to report this to the pastor”

It was like she could hear a werewolf growling behind her. She paused and then, slowly turned on Teju with a despicable expression on her face.

“So you’ll invite the pastor to come and cover up your mess? Teju, you dream, nothing like that will ever happen” Simi said and dashed into the kitchen. She slammed the door, and the ground beneath Teju’s feet shook.

Even though Teju was terribly hungry, he seemed to be deprived of appetite. He could not get his thinking straight. He was so confused about what was happening. He knew there were so many unanswered questions, but he could not find the right questions to ask, neither did he have an idea of whom he was going to ask.

He wondered how Sam would be handling the new catastrophe in his home, but he did not feel sorry for him. Sam never had something that could be called home, and he deserved what he got. Nevertheless, he felt bitterly sorry for himself. How can he suffer the same nemesis Sam was suffering? He suddenly felt like leaving the house. He could go and never come back again. There was no time to bother about what would keep him from coming back. An Irish goodbye was best for such a situation. Feeling like a martyr treated like a poor dead criminal even after martyrdom was an understatement of how he felt. He got into his arsenal football kit and went out of the house with no goodbyes.

The field was bustling with shouts and sounds from the kicked ball. The match was on. The only thing that was missing was Sam's presence, though he did not care for his incriminating company. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be invisible to the world for a while so he could think of saving his shipwrecking marriage.

He did not want to play. He sat down on a log under an almond tree. He watched the legs hid up in multicoloured hoses and soft boots running and hitting a ball. He heard the intermittent shouts of spectators but he could not make anything out of them. It was such a timewhen, even under the most exhaustive scrutiny, he could not discern between the head and the tail of an earthworm. It was still like a dream, but a very bad one. He would be grateful to God if he could just gasp awake and find his wife cuddled under his arms again. The first thing he would do when she wakes up would be to tell her how much he loved her and reassure her of his fidelity.

She had attacked him with a knife.... a knife for God’s sake! What on earth did she do that for, because he allegedly cheated on her? He thought. He wondered what she would have done to him if she had gotten him yesterday night. She would have driven the knife forcefully through his chest three times just to make sure he was going to face eternal judgement without a chance for injury-time penance. But it did not make any sense to him. Nothing, absolutely nothing made sense to him, either how he got to be accused of falseness despite his lucid trueness, or why he had to be attacked with a knife– a very concrete and terminal threat to his existence– before he realised that the situation had suddenly become very staid.

He remembered the first time Simi had told him how much she hated infidelity, especially in relationships, or more gravely, in marriages. It was a sin that should never be forgiven by any lover, she had told him in a relaxation centre for students called LoveGarden back then on campus. In this garden, one would see lovers in conventional pairs, seating in the long concrete-made seats, standing in the lingering shadows, whispering, laughing and kissing.

That day, they had gone out to KokoDome where they had eaten from plastic plates and cocoyam leaves, drunk from coconuts and pineapples and had swum in the swimming pool. At the cool of the day, when the golden sun was viewed sinking into the clouds, adulterating their white pigment with its gold yellow, they settled at the LoveGarden. The birds sang with a low sonority among the trees. The breeze blew and made the flowers wave their exquisite buds and the trees rattle their leaves to the singing of the immaculate birds. They had sat in one of those long seats, and they had kissed and kissed.

They had experimented with different types of kisses. The French kiss,a deep and sensual sort of kiss. The Eskimo kiss was a stupid kind of kiss because it was done with the nose rather than the mouth. The Earlobe kiss wasa good approach for foreplay. The Lizard kiss was strange and boring because they had to lick each other’s tongues in quick strokes. The Kiss of an Angel was romantic because he could kiss her eyelids. The bite and nibble kiss was rather naughty because they had to subtly bite and nibble each other’s noses, lips, cheeks, necks and so on. The lingering kiss was also amorous but tiring because they had to kiss with vim for a long time, it was like sprinting in a marathon race.

Teju knew beforehand, even before he confirmed it from Simi. She hated being cheated. She could not bear the thought that she was being taken for stupid. If you wanted to prove you are smart, do that in class or in office, not in a relationship, she once said. She believed so much in love, and if a man tells her he loved her, there was no excuse on earth and in heaven that could justify such deceit as cheating on her. Most women believe that men are naturally or inherently polygamous. They have a good reason to believe so, but he did not know how true that conclusion was. He believed it was the responsibility of men to prove them wrong, but here he was, he was just another cheating husband.

It seemed the match had only been a flash, like a flash of lightning. He had been mislaid from time in his thoughts. His thoughts were intricate, like weaved cane basket. His head felt like it was going to burst open. He was thinking but not eating. That meant he was working out his brain without replenishing the energy with food and proper sleep. He was weary even to his wits, and thinking had caused hima headache.

It became apparent that he was going to collapse if he tried to trek home with an empty stomach. He did not want to put his solitude to an end so quickly by taking Okada home either. So he trotted lazily behind the other people who had come to play football. They were walking to a canteen where they would take their breakfast. It would be his first time. Just like his late father, he was not in the practice of eating outside his conjugal home.

He would have to eat rice, spaghetti and stew, topped with an egg or a piece of meat. Or he would take bread and beans dressed with fried plantain. He listened to their conversations and arguments which were rendered on high-pitch. If they were not arguing about something that happened on the field, they conversed on a hot girl they met in the club last night. Teju was so disinterested in the conversations that he switched off his mind from them, making them elusive as possible. As he dragged himself behind them, he listened to his heartbeat instead, wondering if it was just going to stop.