Chapter 42: Chapter 42

She was a forgiver. Her heart was so large. She didn’t know how to give up on people, because she always believed the good in those she loved. It was until she was walked on so many times, she had no choice but to let go of those who burned holes in her heart.

“Ryan wants to see you in his office,” carter said, peeping from the door. She snapped out of her reverie and looked at him. He raised a brow at her and tilt his head. “You good?”

“Hmm? Yeah, yeah. I’ll be there in a sec,” she said and he nods before closing the door.

She got to her feet with a sigh. The sigh wasn’t only because she keeps getting flashbacks of Dominic’s face before he walked out, Ryan had somewhat been avoiding her for two days and now he suddenly summoned for her. It’s aggravating that he made her feel guilty for something that wasn’t her fault and for something she owes him zero explanations for.

Ryan is upset with her because Dominic showed up unannounced and he assumes Dominic is her lover—his assumptions were right but not entirely correct.

At first, she wasn’t bothered that he didn’t talk to her the whole day, last two days. Until it was closing time and he left before they even closed. Yesterday, he did the same thing. He didn’t wait for her… she had barely even reached Friday but she was already having issues with her boss—or whatever he thinks he is to her.

She barely even knows him but he was already giving her attitude as though he was her boyfriend and he caught her cheating. She could count the number of times she’d seen him. The first time they met doesn’t count. She found out he owned the café of her now favourite latte—it was the second time she had seen him after they’ve met. The third was the night he thought her everything she needs to know about coffee making. Forth was the day she started working…

She knocks before pushing the door open. Their eyes locked and it was the seventh time she was seeing him. He motions her to close the door and sit on the visitor’s chair, and dart his gaze back on his laptop.

She closed the door and settled down on the chair, not his couch, because she wasn’t given the permission to. This is her boss, not Ryan. Does she call him by his last name? Or can she still call him Ryan? It’s confusing with his brows furrowed and lips pursed.

She sat there thinking while he typed away from his computer and sporadically steal glances at her while she was preoccupied.

Five minutes later, he closed the laptop and cleared his throat. She glances at him, her eyebrows shooting up the roof as she waits to hear why she was in his office.

His eyes were on her face, observing her closely while she panicked. He liked that she was panicking because she doesn’t know why he called her all of a sudden and he wasn’t smiling at her.

She watched as he heaved a sigh and rubbed his eyes. It’s noon so, weariness can’t be the reason why he just breathes out and rubbed his eyes. It’s irritation, disappointment and regret. He’s angry with her—it’s clear.

“Have you eaten?”

His question takes her by surprise but she waves it up and shook her head. “No, not yet. I just got on break but you asked for me before I could eat.” She wasn’t going to eat even if he didn’t call her. She was going to sit in their staff room and think of every situation while Brooke spoke to her nonstop until she realizes that she isn’t actually listening. When Brooke asks her why she was stressed, she’d hesitate but proceed to tell her that her ex-mate came after her and Ryan was upset about it without even hearing her out first.

“Alice.”

She likes the way he just called her name now—it sounded almost like he wasn’t angry with her. It sounded like he was hurt… like the only way he’d get cured was hearing her speak.

“I’m not mad at you,” he says. Does every guy she meets knows how to read her mind? Or were her thoughts written on her forehead? Or she thinks out loud?

She sighs delicately as she takes her eyes off him. She was staring at the empty chair opposite her.

She heard his movement, but didn’t take her eyes off the chair. He was walking now—walking around his desk and aiming to sit on the empty chair. Ryan was really tall and if he sits on this chair, their knees may likely touch.

He settled down and just as she foreseen, his knees were gently brushing against hers. She doesn’t feel the effect on him even when he grabbed both her hands and squeezed them lightly. His touch meant nothing—it felt like nothing. It wasn’t anything like Dominic’s touch. Dominic could be stand far away from her but she’d forget how to breathe, she’d forget how to think and how to move.

Ryan is exactly how she pictured her mate to be—Dominic was better. He had better body, better voice, better movements… better everything.

“Alice.” He calls her name again. His eyes were searching hers—he doesn’t like the look on her eyes. They were warning him not to fall for her. They told him that she’s in love with another guy already. They told him they’d be the hurtful thing he’d look at if he ignores their forewarnings.

He inhales a huge breath, slowly lifting her chin with his index finger. He smiled at her but she doesn’t smile back. She just held a stoic look while she stared back at him.

“He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?” He couldn’t help but ask. He’d die if he didn’t ask her.

She shook her head hesitantly. He doesn’t know whether to believe her nod or not. “My ex,” she said and looked away.

Ryan could feel the smile wanting to spread across his face—he lets it. Because her response was what he was hoping.

“I don’t even know,” she spoke again, with a sigh. She wasn’t sure of her answer. All the buoyancies he had precipitously wanes.

He nods his head instead and got to his feet. He walked back to his desk and crunched down. “Do you like chicken salad?” He asked, dropping the brown paper bags on his desk.

“I bought you lunch.”

**

It’s been four days since Dominic showed up and she hasn’t spoken to Max about it. He never brought it up nor did she. But he knew about, because he was the one that led him here and gave him access to see her. It maddens her to think about it.

He didn’t even bother asking for her opinion when he went ahead to make the decision for her. What if she really didn’t want to see Dominic? Isn’t it obvious? She left home because of him and Max being the kind hearted person that he is, he led him here.

She was mad at Max and Dominic. She was mad at them both because they didn’t respect her opinion and how she feels. She was mad at Max more for letting Dominic walk into her life as though it was nothing.

She wasn’t going to lie to herself, deep down, she was relieved to know Dominic still cared about her. But was still upset for what he had done and why they have split up. She was more upset now that he decided to come to her without reaching out to her first.

It was past midnight and she couldn’t sleep even after having a tiring day at work. It was Friday but she had no idea how crazy it gets on Fridays at the café. Somehow, she was happy about how she has been occupied the whole day—it meant her mind would be taken off all the men that have been stressing her life out. Including Ryan that was avoiding her or whatever he was doing. She doesn’t like it. He shouldn’t just ignore her just because she told him she might still be together with her boyfriend.

She spotted the shadow underneath the door—it stood by her door for few seconds before it disappeared towards the living room. She was pretty sure it was Max and he haven’t slept also.

She got off her bed and head toward the door. She doesn’t even know why but she felt the urge to go out and follow him. He had been wanting to speak to her but she has been avoiding the talk. He knew she was avoiding him and the reason behind it. He respected that and let her be. He respected that but couldn’t have respect for her opinions.

She walked out of the room and head to the kitchen. He was standing by the kitchen island, his hands gripping the counter while his head fall between his shoulders. He obviously looks stressed.

She walked past him and opened the fridge to pour herself a cup of orange juice. He heard when she walked in but didn’t bother to look up. He doesn’t want to do anything that’d annoy her. He was so still that it looked as though he wasn’t breathing—just anything to not annoy Alice.

She leaned against the fridge watched him closely while taking a sip of her orange juice. A smile crept up on her face—she was satisfied with the way he was paranoid. It serves him right for what he had done.

“Bad night?” She broke the silence. He slowly looks up at her and sighed. She was standing by the fridge so, he walked around the island and stood before her, leaning his waist against the counter.

They’re looking at each other now and he looks at her carefully to see whether she was still angry with him. He couldn’t read her face because she was holding a stoic look and it bothered him that for the first time, he couldn’t read Alice’s expression.

“I’m sorry… for everything…” he stuttered. “I should’ve let you know he was coming.” He heaves a sigh again and ran his fingers through his hair, gripping the back of his neck. “Please forgive me.” His eyes were searching hers for any signs of reaction but he got nothing.

She takes her eyes off him and looked down on her glass cup. She had gulped almost everything. She gulped down what’s left and dropped the cup on the counter beside him. She folds her arms across her chest and stood in front of him.

Two minutes past by and she still hadn’t said a word to him, and he was afraid to move. He was even afraid to breathe.

“If you knew what I was going through, you wouldn’t have allowed him to come near me. He’s the last person I wanted to see. He’s the reason why I left my home. He’s the reason why my life is so complicated.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, without hesitation. They haven’t actually spoken about the reason why she came to New York. She wasn’t ready to speak up and he didn’t bother to urge her too, because he knows when she’s ready, she’d speak up.

She looks taken aback by his question but she knew what he meant by that. “I…” she let the words trail and she sighed.

“What’s really happening, Alice? What is the genuine reason you’re here? Did he cheat?”

She shakes her head as she moved her eyes everywhere but Max’s way. “He lied.”

Maybe it wasn’t a valid reason to make that decision but no one was in the right place to make choices for her. She knows what she had been through. She knows how she feels and what she has chosen for herself was the right choice.

“I trusted him, thinking he was different. But he lied.” She didn’t hide anything from Max. She told him all that happened. From Dominic hiding Aaron’s return to Aaron vandalizing their pack.

“And you still think Aaron is any better than Dominic?” He sounded pissed when he asked that.

She rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Are we talking about Aaron or Dominic? I’m not together with Aaron… I mean… I don’t know but…”

“But you’re thinking of giving him another chance?” He cuts in, shoving his hands in his pockets to stay put. It was hard to focus and keep calm when the person you value so much was wrecking their life with their bare hand. It’s obviously right in front her, the truth. Yet, she chooses to close her eyes and go for the worse choice.

Alice wasn’t even ready to deny it. Yes, she was having those thoughts. The antagonism and aggravation she felt when he neglected her had somehow vanished and she could see herself giving him another chance. A last chance.

Max pulled his hands from his pockets and squeezes the back of his neck as he spins to face the other direction. He stretches his back while he sucks in a breath. He seems to be holding that breath in while he silently counts in an attempt to mollify the dander assembling in him.

He turned around and set his eyes on her. There wasn’t a single grief or hassle in her eyes. She wasn’t perturbed with what she did to Dominic or now that she had announced she might get back with Aaron.

“Is that what you want? Is that really what you want?”

They were looking at each other and she find out that she couldn’t answer the question while he was staring at her and standing so close to her.

He leans back on the counter with a heavy sigh. He brought his arms back over his chest, his eyes were still on her while he did all that. “I know this might annoy you but Aaron isn’t even the problem anymore. You are. You keep making excuses for his bad behaviour, you accepted his obvious lies, and you keep giving him another chance, again and again. You’re selling yourself short, you don’t believe that you deserve better, and if you don’t distance yourself from him, you’re going to learn the hard way… but you’ll learn.”

His words pierced through her like an arrow because everything he just said was true. But Aaron isn’t the one lying to her, Dominic is. She bites down on her lip and lowered her gaze.

Aaron made promises to her and at first, it felt so real. It felt like their love would never falter. It felt like they were meant to be and nothing was going to obstruct it. He promised to be with her and love her unconditionally. But he ended up lying and disregarding her. She still went after him even after how he made her feel like shit. She moved on even though her heart was still with him and he came back to her. Dominic only lied because he was afraid she’d leave him for Aaron and she ended things with him—for that silly reason he was afraid of.

She’s mentally not okay. She doesn’t know what she’s doing. She doesn’t know what she wants. She doesn’t know what’s right.

Never has she ever been this confused like this in her life. Never has she ever been blind like this in her life.

She sucks in a deep breath and exhaled it. Max was still standing there, looking at her but he doesn’t say anything again. She looks up at him and his face softens. He’s feeling bad for what he just said to her. She smiled and nods because she deserved it. He’s right about everything.

But one funny thing is, despite knowing the truth. Despite knowing the consequences that her action may cause. She somehow still wants to be back together with Aaron.