Chapter 34: Chapter 34

Out of breath and still completely overwhelmed by his touch, I lay covered up and watched him get dressed with his back to me.

I mentally tried again to understand what had happened between us in the first place, but it almost seemed as if my mind hadn't quite been there for the last hour. I remembered nothing, just his eyes and his hands on me, the feeling of being one with him, which made me tingle all over again.

"How much?" he suddenly asked in his usual cold voice and turned to me. I looked at him questioningly and didn't quite understand what he meant until I saw the wallet in his hand and died a thousand deaths inside. With one bound, he managed to catapult me ​​back down to earth with a hard punch... and it just hurt. But what was I thinking? I wasn't what I was in Reahlyns to him, and I wanted nothing more than to be a made-up fairy tale character again.

"I don't want your fucking money," I snarled out angrily in a trembling voice and stood up in the same moment with my blanket wrapped around me to stand close in front of him. "So that's all? You wanted to take me home for that? Put your fucking money somewhere else!"

I walked past him to my door and yanked it open, trying not to burst into tears from shame at having misinterpreted everything that was happening.

"Stop reacting so dramatically!" he ordered coolly and then put some bills on my bedside table and then turned back to me. "That just makes things clearer. And I'm here for something else, so close the door and just listen to me."

If only I had Reahlyn's gun in my hand right now...

I slammed the door in frustration and angrily ran to my couch to settle down on her with my withering glare on him...

"Then what are you here for?" I hissed, still stunned, and he immediately took a deep breath and stared at me warningly. He didn't seem to like it at all that I was being so loud to him. But I didn't care at all at the moment. He had hurt me, even though he was only doing what everyone was doing.

"I just wanted to know how it was with Ronald last night," he explained, adjusting his white shirt that had just been lying on the floor.

"Why?" I asked skeptically and got up immediately to take a few steps towards him. "Do you think you could just show up here, take whatever you want and then ask me about other men as well?" I threw at him through my clenched teeth with anger, but he just tilted his head and looked me up and down down while pulling something out of his pants pocket.

"I'm the lead detective on the Ronald Linn case. He was found dead this morning and the last person seen with him was you."

I stared at his brand, wide-eyed, and suddenly felt like I'd just surrendered to my greatest enemy. I didn't understand at all what this whole show was about from him and still my eyes flitted fleetingly over his lips again, but then I looked down again and shifted nervously from one foot to the other.

"He went all in as soon as we left. He said he had to meet someone," I lied, staring at my light wooden floor with my heart racing, but Esteban took a step towards me and lifted my chin so that our eyes locked on each other. I lost myself in his and I knew full well that he was lost in mine too. There was more than just a cop's question to a whore. So much more that I couldn't explain.

"Listen, okay. I only took the case because your name came up. If you did this to him, tell me and I'll solve it somehow. Otherwise, I'll have to get on with my investigation."

He spoke coolly, but I could tell from his look that he really wouldn't betray me and I trusted him completely in a way that I couldn't explain.

I immediately thought of Reahlyn's sister and if I wasn't lying now, Esteban would surely come up with Reahlyn soon. After all, I was with him, so he probably already knew he had something to do with it anyway, or at least thought he did, and now he just wanted confirmation from me...

"I didn't think you were a policeman," I breathed at him, causing him to frown and finally let go of my chin.

"And why not?"

"Well, would a cop watch his brother sell women?" I asked, trying not to show him too much of my roiling emotion. I was still angry at that moment, but also confused and somehow suddenly felt lonelier than ever.

"Love, you have made it very clear to me several times that you have chosen this life for yourself and that you are happy with it. I know that it is not so, but I am not a dog who follows you like some others. Do you want my help , no matter what, I demand that you trust me and come to me yourself."

He stared at me intently for another minute, then turned his back on me and pulled on his coat, only to pause when he got to the door.

"I'll wait for you in the all in tonight and then I want answers, love."

That was the last thing he said and then he disappeared out the door leaving me completely confused...

After a long shower, I pulled on a pair of black jeans and bent down to pick up Reahlyn's yellow sweater.

Even though I was so confused, its scent magically calmed me and I took a few deep breaths, guilt unexpectedly taking hold of me.

If only I had never gotten into the damn BMW!!!

Annoyed with myself, I pulled it on and then grabbed the money Esteban had left on my bedside table.

It wasn't until I counted it that I realized how much it was. I usually didn't earn that much in two weeks. What did he mean by that?

"Fuck him," I mumbled, still hurt by his behavior, and put the money in my pocket to leave my apartment as soon as possible. The memories of the last few hours here just wore me down and I didn't want to feel bad about myself anymore.

I left the house, slowly adjusting to the freezing cold, glancing up at the gray sky for a moment before going about my usual daily routine.

At Josh's mother's, I immediately held out the money and pointed to several fish without looking at her. She didn't say a word and seemed to understand right away that I didn't have the nerve to have a conversation.

She wrapped up the fish, took the money and then briefly held my hand, which made my eyes dart over hers, who looked at me pityingly.

"Have a nice day," she whispered, squeezing my hand hard once to give me a smile that really reached my heart for a second. I reluctantly let go of her hand and knew immediately where Josh got his caring side from. Not only were they so alike in appearance, but in their demeanor and demeanor as well.

"Thank you," I mumbled, embarrassed, and then turned toward Willy's place.

With quick steps and the fish in my hand, I ran along the gloomy harbor where it smelled of the sea and then saw him sitting on the cold ground from afar.

As always, he had wrapped his brown coat tightly around his body and was wearing a brown cap, which looked so thin from here, as if it wouldn't really be able to keep him warm.

"And then an angel came down the deserted street and enveloped everyone in a warmth that melted all ice," he smiled at me and my face immediately beamed. At least I was good for him and that was enough for me.

"How are you?" I asked, sitting down next to him to put the fish next to the barrel in front of me, which as always had a fire burning to warm it up.

"Always the way you feel," he replied with a laugh and once again fascinated me with his happy nature.

After all, he didn't own anything except the place to sleep in the homeless shelter, but he always seemed to be in a good mood.

"But you don't seem to be feeling too well," he interrupted my thoughts, turning his head in my direction in concern. "Tell old Willy what's going on."

I glanced over at him, head bowed, nervously fidgeting with my fingers until he took my hand in his, forcing me to stop.

"Do you think it's possible to be attracted to someone you don't even know?" I whispered softly before turning to face him.

"Of course. It's not for nothing that they say that there is love at first sight," he answered quickly, but he didn't seem to be really convinced himself.

"I don't mean love. I mean wanting to give yourself completely to someone. To trust them, even though you don't know them at all. At the same time, there is also someone else who in turn awakens completely different feelings in you," I babbled lost to myself and then realized for himself how stupid it all must have sounded. "Just forget it," I added, pulling my hand out of his to bury my face in my hands.

"You know, love. There's rarely just one person who can give you everything you need to be happy. Some people make you feel like you're flying, but at the same time you need someone to catch you. Of course "Some people are lucky enough to find the love of their life and need nothing more than that one person, but people like that are really rare. Some people stay alone forever."

I pondered his words, but still the chaos didn't get any clearer. Reahlyn suddenly kept appearing in my mind's eye. I felt safe with him. Knew he would do anything for me...had seen him kill even for me...

And on the other hand, there was Esteban, who awakened a passion in me that I didn't know before. He had the ability to make me forget things. Things that used to be on my mind all the time...

But with the money on my bedside table, he had made it all too clear what he really saw in me. I guess I was so used to being treated like shit that I felt it was right and didn't know how to deal with someone like Reahlyn who treated me better than I deserved.

After all, nobody had ever treated me so well... and that's why it was so completely alien to me.

"Maybe I should stay alone forever," I smiled tormented, whereupon Willy immediately glared at me angrily.

"You are a woman who deserves all the happiness in the world. That is the way it is and that will not change. You told me about your stepfather and also about Pablo, but believe me one thing. They both wanted to achieve exactly that. That you think you need men like her and you deserve nothing better, but that's just the thought they planted in you!"

He was getting louder and louder and you could literally see how angry he was at all this, but when he suddenly started coughing terribly from sheer excitement, I put all my shit behind me and became seriously worried about him and his condition.

"Willy, please take my key and go to my apartment. It's warm there and I've got tea and everything."

I took his hand caringly and looked at him pleadingly, but Willy was just like me. He wanted to do it himself and was too proud to accept help from others.

I knew in that moment that he would never get off the street, just like I knew that only I could set myself free from all the sorrow and all the pain.

The best thing I could do was explain to Esteban that I had nothing to do with Ronald's death and I would warn Reahlyn to get an alibi and then I would just get on with my life on my own, just like before.