Chapter 18: Chapter 18

Completely powerless, I got up from the hard floor of the caravan and had to get by for a moment to process everything.

My heart hurt, my head was pounding from all the thinking, and my hand still hurt a little too.

I struggled to get my body up, which felt heavy, old, and broken. No trace of my werewolf genes remained, as if my body was about to give out, I felt so weak.

"Chace!", there was a loud knock on the door, but I ignored Ethan and sat down at the small table to continue to indulge in solitude.

"Chace!" he yelled even louder and then he just opened the door and slowly walked in to eye me with concern.

"You look like shit," he said with a raised eyebrow, but I just ignored that, too.

"What's the matter with you? You're an Alpha! Not a lap dog and besides.....

I stopped listening to him and started to block out everything around me. Again and again I glanced at him as he made hectic hand movements and his mouth babbled something, and then directed my gaze back to the table and enjoyed the silence.

Lou, oh my little Lou, I thought and just let my head fall onto my crossed arms that were lying on the table.

"Are you even listening to me?!" Ethan asked angrily and then sat down next to me with a sigh.

"Give Samira an honest chance. She certainly won't disappoint you. She's still here after everything and hopes for your affection."

His words struck me as pure poison and I wanted to throw him out of the trailer. I wanted to be alone, to have my peace, and this annoying idiot had nothing better to do than pretend to be Mother Theresa.

When I then also smelled Samira and heard her gentle footsteps approaching, I thought I must go crazy. Why didn't anyone accept that you needed time for yourself anymore?

"Can we talk?" I heard her voice, rolling my closed eyes. Talk, talk, talk. I just wanted silence because in the silence I saw her and had everything I wanted with me.

"I'll leave you guys alone," Ethan said and for the first time I wished he wouldn't go away.

As soon as I heard the door close, I raised my head and looked at the blonde, who, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, just sat down next to me and put her hand on mine.

"I promise I'll wait and I promise to always respect you," she began to whisper, then cupped my chin so I had to look at her. "I feel safe with you despite the difficulties and as your companion I demand that you at least try to be happy with me."

I pulled my chin out of her hand and avoided her gaze. I no longer knew what would be good or bad for me. I used to ask Lou for advice on difficult decisions, I just miss her so much.

"We'll talk tonight, okay?" I turned to Samira again, who just nodded and then finally gave me the peace I needed.

After she let go of my hand and disappeared outside, I got up and found a fresh t-shirt from one of the drawers, wanting to give Lou a second try, even though last night's pictures were making my head spin.

I took a few calming breaths, then walked outside and down the street under the overcast sky. I forced myself to keep walking toward the hut, although fear and panic swept through me because I never wanted to see anyone else touch her again.

I would just ask her if she's happy and hope she says no and jumps on my arms smiling like she used to. That was my dearest wish.

But if she said she was fine without me, then I would let her go and accept my fate with Samira. Then at least my little Lou would be happy and that was the most important thing to me.

As soon as I got to the cabin, I caught his scent again, which reminded me bitterly that he must have spent the night here, but I still forced myself to run to the door and knock loudly.

I heard her sweet voice and couldn't help but smile and when she opened the door and looked into my eyes in surprise, my whole body warmed up.

"Hey," she breathed and came out, carefully closing the door behind her.

"Hey," I replied in a weak voice, looking deep into her brown eyes.

There was a brief silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I enjoyed being so close to her and internally danced when I didn't see a mark on her neck.

"What do you want, Chace?"

I was just cleaning up the leftovers from breakfast when there was an unexpected knock on the door.

"I'll give you your time," Alec said suddenly, getting up from the couch to go into the bedroom.

"Who do you mean with you?" I called after him, but the door was already closed.

I dropped everything and ran curiously to the front door to open it and hold my breath in shock. Seeing him standing so close and clear in front of me made me doubt everything but him again. I wanted to jump right into his arms, like I used to, but I'm sure he was only here out of pity, so I tried not to show how much I still loved him.

"Hey," I said quietly, pulling the door shut behind me because Alec really didn't need to notice.

"Hey," he replied quietly, and after that there was a silence in which I just stared into the familiar green of his eyes. I had to free myself from it, because otherwise there would be nothing left of me at some point.

"What do you want, Chace?" I asked him, looking at the forest to keep from going crazy.

"First of all, I wanted to apologize to you. The way I ended this between us was absolutely disrespectful to you and you didn't deserve that."

I looked into his eyes again and saw that he really meant it. While it was nice to hear that he was sorry, this bitter taste of him throwing me away like an old pair of jeans crept into my mind.

"Thank you," I just breathed, wanting to cry again at the memory of the pain, but held it back and turned my gaze back to the forest.

"And what else?" I asked him without looking at him. I couldn't because hate and love shot through me in equal measure.

He left me for someone else, but he was still my chance.

"I just wanted to ask if you're alright," he then explained, taking a step closer to me, causing me to look back at him and my heart pounding in my throat.

What should I say to him? No, I feel like shit without you and I feel like I'm drowning every day? No, because my moon left me and total darkness fell over me?

No, I had to lie. Lies to stop being a pitiful dwarf.

"Yes, thank you, I'm actually very well," I smiled at him, whereupon he looked down sadly. What was the matter with him? He probably didn't believe me and he still thought he had destroyed me. Or did he miss me? Could it be?

Before the questions would startle me any further, I took a breath and let him give me the answers.

"So how are you?" I then asked him, hoping he'd say sucks without you, but he smiled, giving me a glimpse of the dimples I was missing so much.

"Good, very good. Everything's great! I have to go too, so... take care."

He turned around immediately and disappeared back into the forest. Everything is great? Nice for you!

I went into the house and angrily slammed the door. Of course I didn't begrudge him to be happy, but not with her. After seeing him I was completely confused and upset again. I felt dizzy and had to hold on to the doorknob to keep from falling.

"Lou?" Alec approached me worriedly and immediately took me gently in his arms. I snuggled into his heaving chest and felt his heart beating as fast as if he were running a marathon.

"Are you alright?" I asked him, looking up at him as he carried me into the bedroom.

"I don't like it that some people think they have to hurt you over and over again instead of just standing by their decision!" he growled softly and gently lowered me onto the bed.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked him, looking deep into his eyes.

"Forget what I said," he breathed, covering me up to my chest. "I'll be right back," he explained with a trembling voice and I knew what he was up to and held him back by his trembling hand.

"Are you seriously going after Chace now?" I asked him, raising my upper body. He looked from me to the door and back into my eyes until his eyes softened and he started to smile softly.

"No, I'll stay with you."

He sat down on the bed next to me and I laid my head on his lap to look up into his eyes.

"Can you tell me a story?" I asked him exhaustedly and closed my eyes. He took a deep breath and I could almost hear the grin on his face.

"Once upon a time there was a really handsome, attractive, intelligent man who loved to ride a motorcycle and play the guitar," he began, and I couldn't help but open my eyes and smile at him.