Chapter 42: Chapter 42

Callum was in the sofa in the smaller library. It was the one Oliver occasionally found him in the evening, and not in his study.

The Lord had said studies made him feel anxious for no reason and "Something that Liam prefers."

Oliver had laughed then, but seeing him now, he thought the room indeed was more fitting to him.

Callum was lying down on the small sofa, drowsing. He'd rested his head on his outstretched hand and it was dangling over the armrest. Oliver wanted to kiss the inside of his wrist, but he knew he can’t.

Callum looked almost peaceful.

Somehow warmer.

Oliver walked in with a candle, but put it off when he saw the fire was still burning, its light drawing dancing shadows over Cal's face.

Cian had curled in a ball close to the fire and the animal was most likely asleep too. At Oliver's approach, the dog only opened one eye and closed it back again.

Oliver knelt in front of the chesterfield sofa. The lord immediately stirred and smiled, before opening his eyes.

"I was hoping you'd come. "

He tried to get up, but Oliver put his hand on his shoulder lightly and stopped him.

"I knew you'd be here when I didn't find you upstairs. "

"You've been looking for me?"

"You know I would.I didn't want to wake you up, but you'll catch a cold here."

Oliver glanced at the table near the sofa and frowned at the empty small glass.

"I had a headache, it's not..."

"You don't have to explain. "

Callum propped himself on his elbow and said

"But I want to."

Oliver touched his forehead "Did the medicine help?"

"Relatively. But I think you'll need to check just in case. "

Callum relaxed back on the cushions and made space for Oliver. He looked at the Lord questioningly and the corners of Cal’s lips twitched.

"We won't fit in here." Oliver said.

"Just for a while?"

"What if someone comes?"

"You know they won't. "

Oliver moved behind Callum, so that the lord rested his back against Oliver's big chest. He propped his head on Oliver's collarbone and said

"I think you'll need to check better, Doctor Abram. "

Oliver ran his hands over the lord's tights and rested them on his hips.

"I think you're well enough."

"That was it?" Callum tried to pull away and turn towards Oliver, but Oliver stopped him.

"Stop wriggling. “

“I’m not. “

“You most certainly are. How did it go?"

"I thought you came to seduce me, not talk to me."

"If I wanted to seduce you and get you out of your clothes, I'd go about it differently. Stop trying to distract me. "

“Am I succeeding? “

“Almost.“

The lord relaxed back against him.

"That’s cruel, Oliver.“ He said lightly but then continued, more serious. “I met Owen. That's one of the men we met back in Kent. "

"The angrier one. "

"That one. He seemed to be more disposed to me today. Probably because he expected you to be there too. "

"You didn't tell me you were going and only left me a note."

"I had to return the gesture. "

"It's beyond ...it's different. You can't compare the two."

"I know..."

Oliver wrapped his hands around Callum chest .

"I should've taken you with me. " the Lord said quietly and put his hand over Oliver's. This was the first time they shared any kind of intimacy, or touching which wasn’t going to lead to anything else later. Oliver asked concerned.

"Did something happen?"

"No, I just...I would feel safer if you were there. "

"Cal" Oliver moved, but Callum said

"No, don't say anything further, and don't make me say anything, or explain.This is unusual and awkward as it is. All right?"

"All right. I won't." Oliver tried not to smile stupidly in the semi-dark room. "So what did he say?"

"They said they're going to support Liam. And they'll stop the organization of the riot."

Oliver let the breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"But the entire time..."

"What?"

"I don't know. I kept wondering what you'd do or say if they hadn't agreed. "

"You didn't need me, he most likely had already decided. "

"No, he hadn't. Everything went the way it did because of you and that time in Kent. "

Callum paused and said "You keep helping us. "

"It's...it's what servants are for, aren't they?"

Callum didn't answer right away and when he spoke back his voice was back to being neutral.

"I want you to know  that whatever happens from here on, we wouldn't have made it without your advice, small errands or however want to call what you're doing. “

We and not I, Oliver thought. There it was. The fact he was letting Oliver so close to him now was Callum’s strange way to show gratitude.

“Thank you." The Lord said, answering Oliver’s thoughts.

"I think it was in everyone's best interest if you made it."

"It was. Yes."

They stayed quiet for a while and Callum turned his head towards the window.

The moonlight reflected on the glass  and the warm light in the fire made the snowflakes look like glittering dust, falling endlessly from the sky.

"I've always hated winter. " Callum said.

"Me too."

"I know, I've noticed you hate bad weather."

Oliver laughed.  "Is it that obvious?"

"No, not really. But I've wondered why."

"You first. "

"Are we talking about the weather now?"

"Perhaps we could afford having normal conversations and not talks about overthrowing governments or stopping riots and strikes once in a while."

"It sounds slightly plain, but, yes.We could."

Callum turned his head back to the window and said.

"Winter is the time when everyone's expected to spend time at home. People associate snow with holidays, festive gatherings."

"That's for most people, I assume."

"Yes. Something to look forward to and be excited about."

"Why wasn't it?"

"Partly because I was a child, my father was always busy in the Parliament. Always, even on the holidays. He still is, though. He was getting even more occupied as we were growing older.Edward had already gotten in Eton but every time he was home, he was so...he was always so distant.

I thought he couldn't wait to go back there. Later I found out he hated Eton too, and he just wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere, just not at home. “ He paused briefly and then continued “And Liam was always busy in Harrow. I felt...I felt like I was the only one who wanted us to be together. I realize how childish that sounds. "

"It's not childish."

"It is. People want things that aren't possible. I always have. I guess I just couldn't deal with the fact we would never be an ordinary family because of all that came with the title. We'd never stop playing roles and smile at all the official dinners thrown, instead of honestly saying - I hate this stupid gift, because you don't know me and you can't choose something I'd like. "

Callum stopped "That doesn't make sense. "

"No, it does. "

Oliver untangled his hand from Callum's and began tracing the lines on Callum's palm.

"It reminds me of what it's like to be alone, that's all . Your turn now."  Callum said.

"It's...When I joined the army, I was almost seventeen."

"Can you join if you're seventeen?"

"I lied and they took me in."

Callum laughed quietly. "I'm sure they thought you were much older."

"No, it wasn't just that. There was a…a man who helped me get in. "

Oliver didn’t explain and he was sure Callum wouldn’t question him futher either.

"But were you always this big?" The Lord asked.

"Always. " He moved his hand up from Callum's palm to his wrist. "It was during the winter and I was the lowest possible rank. "

"Why did you join?"

"My father got sick, and he was the one who supported the family, but when he died..."

"You had to take care of everything. "

"I was left with my mother and sister."

"She is younger than you, correct?"

"Yes. Of course, we couldn't afford a tutor for her, but I promised her and myself she'd receive proper education "

Callum caught his hand and stilled it.

"Why haven't you ever said anything?"

"We've never really got to talk about anything like this. "

"You see, that's where the whole problem is- look at the things I complain about and..."

"No, no. It doesn't matter. You can't dismiss everything that gets to you only because you think it's not so bad, just because you're a lord. "

"I don't. "

"You do it all the time. You're the opposite of all logic. Most people with your noble birth would assume their problems are more important only because of their origin. And more often than not, that's true. "

"I can't believe you said it. "

"Cal, people's lives don't hold the same value and you know it. People like you have the power to change everything, you just use yours for the better of ordinary people. Don't try and argue with that.  As for my case- that's in the past, it doesn't change anything."

"No, but... it explains why you are so caring.” Oliver heard the emotion in Callum’s voice and the Lord said “ I'm sorry, go on."

"When  I joined it was during the winter. I still thought it couldn't possibly be worse that what I'd done before that. But I was part of one of the harshest generals' regiments. They used me for anything. "

Oliver resumed drawing patterns on Callum's skin and continued

"Anyway, I guess I turned out to be quite useful and quick to learn. I remember seeing the Major in his long red coat and promised myself I'd have the same one day."

"Was your father a military man too?"

Oliver shook his head "No, he....he was just coal minor. "

"Of course he ....I'm so insensitive, I'm sorry. "

"No, don't be. But that's why he died so early. Or it could have been the gin, I don't know. "

He tried for a joke but Callum said quietly "This was before they changed the working hours."

"Everything was changed for the better only in theory. "

"I know..." Callum whispered. "And your mother?"

"She died a few years later. And I just...I was ready to do anything. I had to take care of Emma. "

"What happened after?"

"I was sent elsewhere and...that's all. "

"You had no choice. "

"'We all do, Cal. And that was mine . At least the one that I thought was best at the time."

He lifted his hand and ran it through Callum's hair "That sounded like something you'd say."

"And you're trying to distract me the way I would. "

"I would never, Cal."

"Of course you would. " He laughed quietly and said "By the way, when I told you you were the only person who ever called me that..."

"I thought you like it. "

"I do. I've never had a...a friend or someone call me anything different besides my full name ."

"I wouldn't think lords have nicknames."

Callum laughed. "No, some do."

"They do?"

"Of course, among their close friends. Edward had, too, I was so jealous. "

He said jokingly. " What about you? Did you have one?"

"In a way."

"Really? What was it?"

Callum looked up at him, expecting and somehow excited. Oliver was suddenly washed over with a feeling of guilt. As if speaking the name would stain the moment.  He frowned and said "Noll."

"Noll? Where does it come from?"

"It was just a...just a name. No one calls me that anymore. "

Callum seemed to have noticed whatever had passed on his face and laid back down.

"All right. But I like it. "

Oliver looked out the window, the snow was still falling and for the first time in his life he admitted.

"I did too, at first. But then things changed. "

"It is the same with everything, things can never stay the same. Perhaps one day we won't hate snow so much." Callum said.

"Perhaps. Besides there's something calming about its temporary beauty. It's like knowing you can't keep the snowflakes on your palm for too long, but for the brief seconds you have them there, they're yours and they're perfect."

"Yes, I think so too."

Callum said and took Oliver's hand in his.

****

Hours later, he was lying in the dark, staring at the ceiling. Oliver could see the outlines of the intricate shapes drawn up the plafond and the masterfully drawn pictures.

The light in the fireplace had already died out, but Oliver was warm with Callum, snuggled against him, the lord resting his head on Oliver's chest.

He knew it would soon get cold and he'd have to wake Cal up. They couldn't spend the night here, but he had been telling himself that for the past half an hour.

The snow was still falling quietly and Cian had moved closer to the foot of the sofa.

Oliver hadn't realized he'd sunk his fingers in the red hair, playing absently with the silky locks when Callum pressed himself closer and continued sleeping.

"What the bloody hell are you doing, Oliver, "

He said almost out loud in the darkness.