Chapter 34: Chapter 34

"You saved my life there. No, not just my life."

"No, they wanted to hear you, I just...scared the big guy a bit."

Callum turned to him and said "You know...I sometimes feel like there are two of you. "

"I could say the same. "

"No, no Oliver. I am what you see. That's what has always been the issue with me. But you...I realize now why Charles entrusted you with...errands, as you call them. I only hope he doesn't regret giving you off."

"He doesn't."

Something passed between them in the look they exchanged and Callum turned to face the water.

"I need to apologize to you."

The beach was completely empty. It was the late afternoon, the hour and time of the year too inappropriate for walks by the cold sea.

Callum's eyes were mirroring the color of the gray horizon ahead and the wind was playing with his bright red hair- it was scattered brightness on the dull background.

"What for?"

"I should've told you Liam is actually joining as part of the opposition. You should've known he's going to be part of the people taking our father's government down."

"No, it wouldn't have changed anything for me today. Does anyone know? "

Callum shook his head "No."

He squinted his eyes and looked up at the sky.

"Don't tell my father."

Oliver laughed.

"I wouldn't."

"At least not yet, maybe."

"Your father will take it as a betrayal."

"One that saves his life?"

Oliver considered the Lord's question and said, "What's above our  will to live is a man's  will to be remembered as a leader, Cal. "

"Are you trying to shake my resolve?"

"I'm not. I'm only saying it won't probably end bloodlessly the way it seems it will now. Tennyson won’t just give his position away."

"Well, we’ll let people choose. And if we turn out to have been persuasive today, everything can be peaceful and there will be new elections without riots."

Oliver nodded. “It sounds way too good. Unrealistic. “

“We can’t know unless we try. We have to. “

"I know…But I think I figured it out at some point. That you want to call for new elections. That's why you needed Henriette."

Callum looked back ahead and said

"She's very close to the Queen, and as you know- "

"The queen can't openly take sides, but if you have her support, you're half-way there. "

"Mhm. Almost. " Callum smiled.

"Who else is helping you?"

"My mother. It was actually her idea to reach out to Henriette. But the two of them couldn't be seen talking together, and they couldn't  be in any way exchanging letters or notes."

"So you and the woman we met in the countryside were the messengers between Henriette and Liam."

"Exactly. Although I had to bribe the fake Henriette too."

"No…The jewels you were choosing. Jesus, Cal..."

"Well, my mother was off in the countryside. She had to avoid any possible connection with any of this, but the initial agreement was that if Henriette was ready to listen to us, she would wear the bracelet."

"The green bracelet, yes. This is...God."

Oliver put his hands on his hips. "That's both extremely risky and dangerous, considering Henriette could've directly accused you of treason."

"I was surprised it worked too. I mean, it worked partly, because I still don’t know if she’s ready to help us."

Calum said and they resumed walking. "Liam received a letter from Charles."

"About?"

"I don't know. Do you think he might have found out about what I and Liam do?"

"You'll soon find out, I guess."

"That’s true, yes. He's..."

Callum pushed his hands in the pockets of his coat and fell silent.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I don't know, he's always been very fond of Liam. "

"That's something to your advantage then."

"It is, greatly. Besides Liam is really fit to be doing all of this. He's always been a favorite of Father, maybe Charles sees the potential as well. And now he has the chance to get it back to my father for all the years of rivalry between them."

"It always comes down to who's the better man, isn't it?"

"Maybe. It's a fight of egos, sometimes. Especially with Edward being Edward and never coming back, that's what I think would happen, Liam’s the only one suitable to take over as a head of the family."

Oliver kicked a few rocks away and asked.

“Do you really think he’s not coming back. “

“Considering everything and what Xiao said, I doubt it. “

It was talking to Callum about his family.The lord still kept his tone void of any emotion, it was like he was discussing accounting bills and numbers, and not people he was realeted by blood to. Still, Oliver found himself genuinely interested in things outside Tennyson’s doings.

"How long have you been looking for him?" He asked and Callum let out a quiet laugh.

"Forever. It's been so long. It feels quite unrealistic. And now that Xiao has found him I'm hesitant to allow myself wish for meeting him again."

"Why?"

"Because my older brother has always been very different, even from me. Even though to most people it probably didn’t seem so. But I knew it. He kept even me in the dark an dmarvelled in being not like anyone else. I just think his contempt of everything will be stronger now."

"Were you very close?"

"In a way. No one was really close to Edward. But on the other hand, I met Xiao through him. He was his friend ever since Edward was in school. But after my Father took my brothers to China, I felt we lost even the little we shared between each other. "

"They went without you? "

Oliver didn’t want to give off the fact the maids had already told him. At that time, however, the information hadn’t rang in his mind the way he was now. Back then it was simply information about the oldest brother.

"Yes, my Father took them there. Without me." Callum smiled darkly.  "I had this wild idea if I had known more, or if I hadn’t been the youngest, my father would take me with them. "

"Is this why you learned the language?"

"Do you think it's stupid?"

"No, I think it deserves my admiration."

Callum regarded him.

"Do you always have something nice to say to people, Oliver?"

"A little kindness hasn't killed anyone."

Callum smiled for real this time. "I should hope so. But yes, in a way I tried to learn as much as I could. I'm actually still very bad at it, but it didn't matter much in the end. "

Callum paused "I've always thought my father doesn't want me to be his son. It's...It was like he was constantly punishing me for something I didn't know I'd done. "

"Cal..."

"No, as I said earlier. We do what we can. I'm probably trying to get it back at him with my behavior. Which is absurd, I know. " he looked down at the sand, "there's something else..."

The creeping feeling was back, the feeling that Callum was going to say something honest and Oliver would be the one who deserved to hear it.

"I...you were right. I drink too much. But I also don't want you to think I've ever done any attempts at you because I was intoxicated."

Oliver hadn't expected that and said confused.

"I've never thought that, but I didn't say it because of me Cal, not that part. "

"Then?"

"I don't want anything to happen to you, that's all."

"It won't. "

Callum looked away and said, "You're the first person who ever openly criticized me for it."

"No, no. I can't be.”

“You are, trust me. “

“Okay. But I'll be honest."

"Yes, it's in the way everyone looks at me. I know. "

Oliver didn't argue. It was indeed what he was going to say too.

"Yet no one says it. " Cal continued "They don't say it directly. It's in the 'are you all right,', 'you look...' , ‘I saw the master do…’ you can finish the sentence by adding any adjective considered and counted as inappropriate behaviour. But that's all. "

Oliver eyed him. "Why do you think it's that? "

"I think it's because...it's just everyone else has probably given up on trying to change me."

“I actually think it's something else."

"Really? What?"

"They just think you won't listen."

"No..." Callum shook his head. "They've already accepted I have a... a problem? I guess that's the word. It's the same with everything. People will continue doing something as long as they've accepted they're doing it and that's all."

"Maybe what people think doesn't matter. "

"Not if you come from where I do. "

Of course, Oliver thought, it always came to where and what kind of family Callum was born in

The Lord continued

"Regardless. Just don't ever let me put us in a situation like the one were earlier in just because of my bad judgment."

"As much as you let me."

Oliver remembered what Tennyson had said- that his son needed someone to watch over him.

What he hated was how come no one else had ever tried to do it so far.

They kept walking on the beach and Oliver saw the dark silhouettes of people in the distance. He took a step back, adding more space between the them.

Callum followed his eyes and took a side-step either. The couple approached and they exchanged polite greetings.

Once they were at a reasonable distance, Callum said.

"You asked me something last night. “ He looked ahead, Oliver waiting for him to continue.

“I know you might have said it because of the situation we were in. Something one says in the spur of the moment “

Situation, Oliver thought and the word rang loud in his ears. Something. It was how Callum thought of what they did.

How many people had told Callum what Oliver had in a situation.

“You wanted to know if I imagined being fucked like that."

He tried to say it in the usual matter-of-fact way, but somehow something was betraying his uncertainty.

As if he wasn’t sure whether this was something they were supposed to talk about.

Oliver wasn’t sure either.

His heart missed a beat, the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore suddenly sounded much louder than before, and he said slowly.

"Cal, I don’t know if what I'm doing is what you like."

"It is."

"I…”

Oliver decided it would be better if he was honest, another admission or conversation he’d never thought he’d have.

“I've been with men before. I've always known I don't see women the way I'm supposed to. It's just... it's never been that way.  And if there's ever something I do and you don't like you need to tell me."

"I will."

The two of them walked side by side, their shoulders briefly touching and Calum spoke quietly.

"Do you think it's wrong? What we do, the way we do it?"

"I stopped asking myself that question a long time ago."

Callum snorted and Oliver explained.

"If making someone feel good is wrong, then maybe it is. But I’ve also never really had the need to think about it."

“No?."

"No. “

Oliver didn’t say he thought about this now, so in stead he chose to thread on safer grounds.

“But I guess for someone in your position things are different when it comes to those matters."

"Yes, technically yes. Beyond that… I don’t know either. "

Callum's expression was back to unreadable and Oliver said "Tell me if you ever need to. ”

The Lord looked ahead at the wet sandy path and said.

"I will."