Chapter 22: Chapter 22

Chapter 21.

I am carrying a young baby in my arms. I had thought I would manage to convince dad to forgive me but that seems a bit complicated.

I have a baby that makes me very happy and fulfilled but dad feels otherwise.

The baby has brought so much happiness in my life since he arrived on this planet earth and I am super sure that with him, I will never regret being born.

There’s someone walking beside me. He had promised to bring me home and see if dad will agree to forgive me.

What is my offense anyway? Getting pregnant with Harry? He has promised my son and I heaven and earth, I know his parents don’t want even to see me, especially the mum but he loves us. He said we are his life and that his parents’ opinions don’t matter where we are concerned.

I walk towards him. He must be feeling murderous and he sneers in disgust when he sees me approach him. I don’t know what he wants. He should be grateful that he just became a grandpa. I try to move further but he holds his hand high in a bid to stop me from moving closer.

‘’Please forgive me, dad,’’ I say to him beseechingly. I am on my knees, dad is so angry that I am wondering if I killed someone by getting pregnant.

My tears are flowing freely and believe you me, I cannot keep them at bay. I let them fall. I am seeking his mercy, he should accept my son because he will not lose anything for doing that after all.

‘’Forgive you, Clara? Is what you wanted? To go to the city, meet men who would make sure they go under you then you end up being pregnant at twenty-two? You have let me down, Clara. I don’t want to see you ever again!’’ he says shouting for the whole village to hear that his daughter has messed up in life. ‘’You are a whore! You decided to open your legs for every Tom, Dick and Harry and now you are carrying their child in your arms. Who knows? You may not even be sure of who the father of that baby you are holding is.’’ His words hit me right inside my broken heart. They are atrocious, brutal and ferocious.

‘’I am sorry, dad. I didn’t want this but …’’ he cuts me off making me wonder what to do.

‘’It happened? Don’t you think I am way too old to solve baby daddy issues? Where is the father of this baby? Did he come with you? Didn’t I warn you not to step feet in this homestead?’’ it hits me that the person accompanying me isn’t the baby’s father. I don’t even know who the young man is.

‘’Daddy, please! Don’t do this to me.’’ I beg looking straight into the eyes of the young man who is so pitiful.

‘’Mr. Jerald please, at least look at your grandchild. Don’t treat Clara as if she is some sort of a criminal. You and I both know that Clara is a good girl and if this happened then you should forgive her. After all, a baby is a blessing.’’ The young man says and my heart jumps, I hold my breath thinking that he will listen to him.

‘’Young man, who are you?’’ he asks his bloodshot eyes on him. ‘’Get out of my home and never show up here ever again. I don’t trust you, I don’t trust Clara, I trust none of you who went to the city to come back here to tarnish the good name of this village.’’ He says without mincing his words. ‘’Wait a minute, are you one of the people she is sleeping around with?’’

‘’Don’t you dare insult Clara in that manner!’’

‘’And who the hell are you to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do?’’

Like seriously! So, he cares about some village that doesn’t feed him? Is this what dad is going to do for me and my baby?

‘’Daddy, please! My son isn’t a mistake. All I want is for you to look at him. He is called …’’ he interrupts rudely.

‘’Do I care what or who he is called? That’s none of my business! Keep that filthy thing of a baby to yourself. Get that bastard out of my compound and never show up here again! Never!’’

‘’You are being unreasonably barbarous and unkind to her, sir. Let this young girl explain what happened. Don’t be too judgy with her. Don’t let her feel left out. She needs your support and you should do all you can to offer it. She hasn’t killed anyone and even if she did, it would be fine because she wouldn’t be the first or the last. You acting in a very harsh manner with her. Wait, is she really your …’’

‘’Daughter?! None of your business. In fact, one more word and I will chop your head.’’ He says walking back to the house.

‘’Do your worse, sir.’’ I give him a death glare. He shouldn’t say that when all we want is to convince dad to accept my son.

‘’Daddy please, you cannot leave me out here, you haven’t even looked at him and that’s really not good.’’

‘’Says who? Who are you to lecture me on that?’’ he asks over his shoulder and disappears deep in the house. I look at the guy standing close to me and guess who I see!

It’s Alvin. I am so sad that dad has left me alone but I am happy that he is here.

‘’Thank you for being here,’’ I say when he helps me up and I am about to hug him when he steps back.

‘’Let’s get you out of here.’’ He says holding my hand but I pull away I wanna try one more time. He is my dad and I hope he will have changed his mind for my sake or even for the baby’s sake. His grandson.

‘’You are still here?’’ when I turn to look at him, he is holding a big machete and I am sure he will not hesitate to chop our heads into pieces. Alvin holds hand and pulls me away. My bag falls behind but he urges me not to look back.

Dad picks the back and throws it towards us with all his might. ‘’Take your filthy things, I don’t want anything to do with you, your bastard kid or anyone else for that matter in my compound.’’ He says angrily.

When I try kneeling down for his forgiveness, he charges towards me and the last thing I see is blood. I shout so loudly and try to run away.

My eyes shoot open and I am glad when I find out it was just a dream. A bad dream. This is bad. I hate such dreams because they might turn out to be true. But why didn’t I go home with Harry?

I am sweating and panting so much. It is so bad. I see Janet walk back in with a bucket of water and a face towel. She deeps the towel in the bucket and rings it. She cools my forehead which is burning so badly with fever. The water is warm but I feel better.

‘’Hey, calm down. You look scared and that’s freaking me out too. It was just a dream.’’ She tells me, handing me a glass of water.

‘’Thank you.’’ She nods.

I don’t know how fast she moves but she comes back with a cup of tea held in her hand. ‘’You should drink this, it will help you calm down.’’ She says disquietude and apprehension covering her face. She is so sweet.

I grab the tea from her hand gently. It’s hot. I sip it carefully and after some few minutes, I feel calm and the fear that was coursing and streaming in me is somehow gone. I look at her and remember the day she was telling me about her dream, she looked sad and terrified and she wanted to talk of it badly and was apparently okay after having let it out.

I feel like puking the thoughts and forgetting that the dream ever happened. It sounds like some sort of a bad omen. Dad, Alvin, the machete, the running the threats and finally the blood. I never saw mum in that dream neither did I see my siblings in the dream.

‘’Um … do you wanna talk about it?’’ I instantly shake my head. I don’t think letting out at this point will help me. I am feeling so rejected. At some point in life, I will have to ask dad if I am really his daughter.

‘’Can you let me rest for a bit?’’

‘’Are you trying to send me away, Clara?’’ she asks with a raised eyebrow. The room is well lit so I can clearly see her face.

‘’Not really, just that I want to think about what I just saw in the dream,’’ I tell her face down. I don’t want her to see my terrified face.

Don’t you want to emit whatever the dream was about?’’ well, I know her and she isn’t going to give me peace until I tell her.

‘’It was not a good dream.’’

‘’I am listening.’’

I roll my eyes before I tell her what the dream was about. I can clearly see that she is also horror-struck but she is really trying to hide it. She is almost succeeding just that I have known her for a few weeks now and I would know if she is trying to hide something from me.

‘’What is the time,’’ I ask her in a bid to try and make that story disappear into the thin air. I totally don’t wanna talk about it.

‘’Hey, relax. You will be okay. That was just a dream and it shouldn’t worry you.’’ I swear I had no idea that I was holding tears but now I know. The tears flow freely and I tell myself to let them flow. I don’t think it will make me less of a woman.

My mind shifts briefly to a saying I like so much.

"The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep." - Henry Maudsley, I feel better. I don’t know if it’s because of the saying or the tea.

One thing though, I don’t like it when someone feels pity for me. It makes me feel less fortunate but that’s what life is. You cannot tell others what to feel for you. Some may feel happy, others disgusted and others may decide just to feel hatred towards you. As a victim, you will not be able to do anything about it.

Right now, I just need to raise my self-esteem a little, making sure that I don’t let that nightmare bring me down.

She flops on the edge of the bed and moves in to hug me and I let her. She holds me tight and I feel like her hold is assuring. I solely and desperately hope that I don’t get such a dream again.

‘’Hey, Madam Aliana wants to see you.’’ My eyes shoot open when she tells me that. I didn’t realize I had gone back to sleep. I push the quilt away and sit up immediately. Maybe I have overslept, what will I tell her? That she employed me here to just sleep and not do anything? ‘’Are you okay?’’

‘’I am. Why would you ask?’’

‘’You look restless and disturbed. What can I do to help?’’

‘’Tell me why she is calling me. What the time is and how I went back to sleep without my knowledge.’’

‘’Which one …’’

‘’Should you respond to first? I don’t know, don’t care just respond to the questions. I will be glad to know each and every one of them. Remember, I don’t have all the time to listen to you.’’ Shit! I know I am being rude to her. What the hell is wrong with my big head? ‘’Hey, sorry. I didn’t mean to shout at you.’’

‘’It’s okay, baby girl. It’s eight-thirty in the morning. I have no idea why she is calling you and how you went back to sleep, you remember the tea I gave you?’’ I nod at her. ‘’It was supposed to make you relax and calm your nerves. It would also take you back to sleep like a baby.’’

‘’Wow! And you did that without my knowledge? Ever heard of consent before?’’ she shakes her head unbelievably.

‘’You are welcome, silly!’’ I roll my eyes internally.

I walk into the bathroom and take my shower in a record time of three minutes, I put on my cute little pink checked uniform and walk slowly to the living room.

I am so ashamed of my sleepy head and my mind isn’t settled. It is everywhere.

‘’I am so sorry I overslept madam. This will not happen again.’’ I start when I get to the living room. She is standing close to the window and looking at something outside.

She turns to look at me with a slight smile and my heart softens making me smile back.

‘’Relax, Clara. You had a night full of nightmares. You rarely slept and I will not pin you down for oversleeping.’’ I want to rush to her and hug her but I decide to shun the urge. I do not want her to think I am getting used to her. I need to keep within my lane.

‘’Thank you,’’ I mumble quietly.

I am and will always remain her employee. A poor one for that matter.

I roll my eyes internally. I will not remain poor forever because I have a dream. I shift my mind to a quote I usually tell myself. "When you have a dream that you can't let go of, trust your instincts and pursue it. But remember: Real dreams take work, they take patience, and sometimes they require you to dig down very deep. Be sure you're willing to do that." - Harvey Mackay.

‘’Can we talk about yesterday?’’ straight to the point.

‘Definitely.’ My inherent says and I nod at her without blinking.

‘’Um, if that’s okay with you,’’ I say when I feel her intense gaze on me.

‘’Let’s go to the study. We can have our chat in there.’’

She leads the way and I trail closely behind her. The doorbell rings and I hear Janet’s footsteps heading towards the door.