Chapter 30: Chapter 30

It was a tough journey,

I thought I wouldn't make it this far,

But here I am;

It wasn't something I planned,

But I'm overwhelmed with joy

At the turn of events,

Who would have thought that

After all the struggles and the pain,

I'd alas be consoled with my own seed?

As I look at my bundle of joy,

I remember all I went through for its sake,

But all I can say is:

It was worth it.

There were two nurses assisting me in having my child. I knew them already because they attended to me during the time I was confined to the hospital.

There was one who kept yelling at me to push out the child. The doctor had advised I go through a Caesarean Section owing to my previous complications but I had refused and told him I'd give birth to my baby on my own.

I heard him tell Amsey that me giving birth by myself was dangerous and I was playing with fire. Amsey had tried to convince me to heed to the doctor's advice but I refused. I hadn't refused to go through a C-section because I had faith or something, it was because I heard it was difficult for people that had a C-section to have a flat tummy again.

I decided to endure the pains of giving birth by myself even though the doctor had said my life was at stake because I just had a feeling I wouldn't die. I knew I'd be fine but I didn't want to be alive with a big tummy, I wanted to go back to my former self.

The labour was long and overbearing. At a point, I could feel my breath fading slowly but I knew I had to carry on. Giving birth and staying alive was very important. I couldn't die just yet, I was still too young to die. I had a lot of things to do, I needed to be there for my child and my man. I needed to become a great person.

"Come on. You've started this already and it's only reasonable you finish what you started," I heard one of the nurses scream at me.

I could feel my eyes closing and my heartbeat slowly dropping. Like in a trance, I saw an older version of myself. She was really beautiful with long dark hair like mine and wore a sweet smile.

How could I forget the woman that meant the world to me? She was my mother.

"Mum?" I tried to say but my voice seemed lost.

"Cassandra," My mum said, smiling.

I opened my mouth to speak but still, nothing came out. It was like I was dumb.

"It's definitely not your time, Cassandra. I have little time with you. I just want you to know that you mean everything to me and I'm sorry for leaving you all by yourself and making you go through tough times alone but it was my time to leave the earth. If I hadn't gone, you'd never have known your roots nor will you have found love and light. Others in your situation will have gone into something bad or sunk into depression or committed suicide but you're a strong woman, my daughter. I'm proud of all your decisions so far. I love you, my daughter. I love you, Cassandra," My mother said.

Tears rolled down my eyes. My mother wasn't disappointed in me, she was proud of me.

I saw bright light and I was brought back to reality. I saw the doctor and nurses asking me if I were all okay. I looked to my side and couldn't see my mother anymore. Was everything that happened a dream or reality?

"I think she's stable now, carry on," I heard the doctor say.

"Push, come on, push. It's the last one, your baby will soon be out. Give it all you got. Puuuushhhh!" One of the nurses said.

With my last ounce of strength, I pushed hard and I felt something leave my body.

"Finally!" I heard them chorus.

The sound of baby cries filled the air. I felt fulfilled and happy, I had my child at last, I heaved a deep sigh of relief and soon, my eyes shut close.

I heard the high-pitched cry of a baby which jolted me from my sleep. Although my eyes were still closed and I couldn't open them no matter how hard I tried, I was aware of my environment.

"Sssh...sssh....Be quiet. Don't wake mummy up," I heard Amsey say.

Amsey??

God, where was I?

I was struggling to open my eyes with so much difficulty. I couldn't move, I couldn't signal that I was awake, I could only lay motionless and hear the conversations taking place in my environment.

"Doctor, she's been out for about 8 hours. Are you sure she'll be fine?" I heard Amsey ask.

"Of course. Her heartbeat is at a normal pace and she'd open her eyes soon. It's a miracle she's alive even after giving birth without a C-section after all the pregnancy complications. She'll be fine, okay?" I heard someone who I presumed to be the doctor say.

Were they talking about me? Had I been unconscious for eight hours? I needed to open my eyes and see things for myself but I just couldn't.

"But the baby has been crying, I think it's hungry. How long can it go without food from its mother?" Amsey questioned.

"Full-term babies can survive without intake of breast milk for as long as 48 hours. There's no cause for alarm, Mr Amsterdam....."

I don't think the doctor was actually done with his statement when Amsey interrupted him," It's not Amsterdam, please," I heard him say.

I burst into laughter as he said that.

"She... She's awake!" Amsey exclaimed.

Wait! Had they heard me laugh?

Does that mean I was fully conscious?

I opened my eyes slowly and although everywhere was hazy at first, it soon became bright.

I didn't have to wonder about where I was, I knew I was in the hospital and I'd just had my baby.

Amsey ran over to my side with the little baby in his arms.

"Cas, you're awake," He said, smiling.

"Yeah," My voice sounded coarse and I didn't like it.

I saw tears fall from his eyes.

Jeez! Was Amsey crying?

"What's wrong?" I asked him, worried.

"I thought I'd lose you, Cas. I can't imagine life without you. I love you so much," He said.

"How could you even think I'd just leave? I love you so much to just leave you here alone," I told him.

He laughed gently and I only smiled at him.

"Hey, I won," He said, looking like he had won some sort of prize.

"Won what?" I asked.

For him to be smiling, I knew it had to be good news.

"It's a boy," He said.

I grinned, "I had a feeling you'd win. The universe is always on your side," I told him.

"Of course, who wouldn't want to be on my side?" He gave a hearty laugh.

"Gosh! I'm such a bad mother, I didn't even ask to see my child," I said, feeling really stupid.

"Thankfully, his dad cares about him," Amsey said.

I smiled, "You're the best father there is," I said.

"You've been really nice since you became conscious. I hope all is well," I heard Rita's undeniably sweet voice say.

"Rita!" I exclaimed.

I managed to sit up and she ran to my side and gave me a warm hug.

I could only hug her back with one arm as I was receiving drip with the other.

She suddenly pulled away from our affectionate hug and stood with her hands akimbo.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Not only are you a bad mother, you're also a bad friend," She said, pretending to be upset.

I was used to her and this her funny act of behaving.

"How?" I asked.

"You couldn't even tell me you were about to have a baby," She said.

I chuckled, "Is that what you're upset about? Come on, this thing came so unexpectedly and we had to rush to the hospital and Victoria was also in labour. Come to think of it, how is Victoria and her baby?" I asked, directing my question at Amsey.

Amsey fidgeted for a bit then the baby suddenly started crying again.

"Just look at the poor thing, he's been ignored by his own mother," Amsey said.

"You should feed him," The doctor chipped in.

I slightly nodded my head.

Amsey brought the baby and tried to hand him over to me but I bowed my head, without looking at the child.

"Are you okay? Is something wrong?" Rita asked.

"No... I just..." I couldn't say what was troubling me.

"Are you scared of babies?" The doctor asked.

"No, not at all. I'm just.... This is new and I don't know how it'll be like.... I don't know how to take care of a baby and I've never held a newborn baby in my life," I blurted out, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

Rita laughed out loud, "That's not a big deal, Cassie. I could totally help you out with all the basic things you need to know about taking care of a baby," She said.

"How would you know? Have you ever taken care of a baby?" I blurted out.

She laughed again, "Have you forgotten how many younger ones I have? Please, I'm a pro at this baby thing. Take your child, there's nothing that could possibly go wrong. Besides, it's crying a lot," Rita said.

I took a deep breath and stretched out my arms and took my baby from Amsey.

Immediately our eyes locked, it stopped crying. Damn! The baby was so cute with lovely round eyes, nice dimples and curly hair.

"He's so beautiful," I puffed.

I smiled at the baby and he only stared at me and looked at me like he were curious and wanted to know me more.

"He's so cute, can you believe I had this baby? I gave birth to this sweet little baby. I'm a mother!" I exclaimed with joy.

"He just stopped crying, he must like you a lot," Amsey said.

"Of course, he has to. Isn't she his mother?" Rita asked rhetorically and patted the baby's back.

"You guys look so good together," Amsey noted.

"But we look better with you," I told him.

"Feed the baby," The doctor said.

I winked at Amsey.

"Umm... Doctor, can we go outside to discuss something?" He asked.

"Why?" The doctor asked.

What sort of dumb doctor was this? Didn't he understand simple tactics?

Trust Amsey to talk rudely.

"Do you wanna watch her while she breastfeeds the child?" He chided.

"Ohh!" The doctor said, finally understanding while Amsey wanted them to go outside.

"Ohh!" Amsey mimicked.

"Rita, please, take care of her and text me when she's done," Amsey said and walked away with the doctor, shutting the door of the ward.

It was only myself, Rita and the baby that were left in the ward.

I gave a small laugh, "I feel so nervous about this whole thing," I said to Rita.

"Madam, give this child food. It hasn't eaten since it was born. Which one is you're nervous? What were you expecting when you were pregnant? Didn't you know you'd have to give birth and breastfeed the child?" Rita asked.

I eyed her and hissed much to her disdain.

"I go comot your teeth just now," She said and we both burst into laughter.

Rita was one hell of a funny person and she enjoyed joking like she had nothing to worry about.

She drew a seat close to my bed and sat down.

I lifted the hospital gown and on seeing my breasts, the baby groped the left one and started sucking the nipple hungrily.

Funny enough, it didn't feel strange at all, it felt perfectly alright.

"Rita," I called, after watching the baby suck the milk for a while and feeling pretty much like the mother I was.

"I know you want to say something stupid," She said and I laughed.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, still laughing.

"Nothing ohh," She responded.

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked.

"Go on," She said.

I cleared my throat, "How do babies know where milk is located?"

She wore a triumphant look, "I knew it, I just knew you were going to say something stupid."

I chuckled, "What do you mean by that now? I was just wondering. Just look at how my baby knew exactly where to look for milk."

"How do you expect me to know? Am I God?" Rita questioned.

"How does only breast milk satisfy them for months?" I asked again.

Rita clapped her hands dramatically, "How do you expect me to know? It's like childbirth has messed with your brain," She said.

"Maybe ohh, this one that I'm asking useless questions," I agreed.

"You even know that they're useless questions."

I only laughed.

Rita was such an amazing character and I liked her a lot. She and Amsey were good at teasing and laughing at me. They were such Joy givers and I appreciated knowing them.

"I envy you," Rita suddenly said.

"Why'd you say so?" I asked.

"You have a perfect life, just look at you. You're surrounded by good people and good things. I envy you a lot, Cassie. I wish my life was half as perfect as yours," Rita said.

Seriously? There was someone who thought my life was perfect?

"Rita, don't ever wish you were in someone else's shoes. Only the wearer of the shoes knows the pain accompanied with it," I told her.

"What do you mean by that?"

"My life isn't even close to perfect. You have a family, I don't. You're young with a bright future. Where's my own bright future when I've been saddled with the responsibility of taking care of a child? I don't even have so much as a primary school leaving certificate, everything burnt to ashes. Rita, I'm a fugitive, I can never go back home in case I'm caught and asked to pay for the damages I ensued in someone else's house. To make matters worse, I don't even know my baby's....." I immediately shut up, I'd said more than enough.

"You were going to say something. What happened?" Rita asked.

"Nothing," I quickly responded.

I looked down to see my baby asleep with my nipple in its mouth and that brought a smile to my face.

"Do you know something, Rita?"

"What?" She asked.

"That stage of pregnancy is like a blind date," I said.

She looked at me, curiously, "What do you mean?"

I smiled, "A blind date, that's what I mean; in the case of desperate singles. You don't know whom you're going to meet but you fall in love with the person on seeing them instantly," I told her.

She squeezed my palm, "You're right, I'm really happy for you," She said.

"Thank you," I said.

"Come on, let's lay the baby in the cot," She said and took the baby away from me gently, making sure he didn't wake up.

She placed him gently in the cot and I pulled down my hospital gown.

"Thank you, Rita," I said.

"You're welcome, Cassie," She said, with her ever warm smile.

"Why haven't you ever thought of modelling? You have a beautiful stature so what's the problem?" I asked.

"I know that my stature is right for modelling and I've thought of becoming a model but the problem is I don't have connections with anyone related to any modelling agency. I can only pray that someone who's highly connected will find me one day and change my story," She said.

"May God answer your prayers," I said.

"Amen," She responded.

"Cassie," She called.

"Yeah?"

"What are you hiding from me?" She asked.

I was confused, "What do you mean?" I retorted.

She sighed, "I've always had this feeling that you're keeping something from me,"

"And why is that?"

"Do you remember when I first saw you? You looked like a runaway, you slept close to the bus park and you acted like something was chasing you. You then said you were coming to Lagos after I said I was going to Lagos. It looked suspicious but I later decided to ignore it after seeing that you were happy with Amsey. Today, you said you're a fugitive and your certificates burned down and you don't have a family. What's going on with you?" She asked.

I thought for a while. Should I tell her the whole truth? She had told me everything about her and I knew I could trust her but I just wasn't ready to tell her anything about me, at least; not yet.

"I'd tell you when I'm ready, I promise," I told her after what seemed like ages.

She heaved a deep sigh, "It's fine, I can't force you to tell me anything, you have every right to your privacy. I just have one question for you though. Why weren't you bothered about Amsey impregnating someone else at the same time with you? You seemed okay with it, you've never even called him a backstabber, you keep on praising him and saying he helped you a lot and deserves the best. I don't understand, Cassie. You're meant to act jealous but you act like you don't even have the right to be jealous, I simply don't get it," Rita said.

I swallowed, "I just gave birth, Rita and it wasn't easy for me at all. I nearly lost my life and I can't be answering all your questions right now. I've not even had anything to eat and I'm weak but I've already promised you that I'd tell you everything when the time is right," I said.

She stared at me looking pretty unconvinced but still looked like she could understand where I was coming from.

"I understand, Cassie, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm right here," She said.

"Thank you," I said and smiled sweetly at her.

We heard the sound of a knock.

"Come in," Rita admonished.

Pastor James and Amsey strode in.

"I thought I told you to text me when she was done," Amsey said to Rita.

"Oops! I forgot," Rita said.

Pastor James rushed over to my bedside and held my chin, "My baby girl now has a baby," He said, smiling broadly.

I'd never seen him wearing a big smile like the one he had on before now. He seemed so excited and pleased, I didn't know that me giving birth safely would mean so much to him.

"Congratulations, Cassandra, you're now a mother," He told me.

Before I could even get a chance to say thanks to him, Amsey spoke up, "And you're now a grandfather."

I looked at him, surprised at what he had just said and I saw Pastor James flash him a warning glance from the corner of my eyes.

Rita soon burst into laughter, "Why are you guys so serious? Amsey's only joking around. Pastor James keeps being overly protective of you and acting like a father would so that's why he made that statement apparently,"

Amsey chuckled nervously, "Exactly! Only you understands, Rita. They need to work on their sense of humour," He said.

"Their lack of a good sense of humour makes them look like they actually have the same blood running through their veins," Rita said, still laughing.

Pastor James looked really bothered about what they were saying. The poor man didn't even have a wife and the daughter he claimed to have was with her own family. He didn't have a child close to him and I felt he didn't find it funny for someone to be referred to as his child.

"Just ignore them, Pastor. The baby's in the cot, won't you pray for him?" I asked, trying to make him feel better.

He smiled and went over to the cot and offered some prayers for the baby.

"I was in a Pastor's conference in Oyo state at the time Amsey called and that's why I couldn't respond to his calls. I took the next flight back to Lagos as soon as I was done and saw his text saying you were in the delivery room. I'm sorry for not being there at the time you needed me," Pastor James explained, looking really sorry.

I smiled at him, "That's not an issue, thanks a whole lot," I told him.

"I got you catfish pepper soup. I heard it's good for people who just gave birth," Pastor James said.

"Wow, I'm starving. Thank you so much, sir," I said, really grateful.

He handed over to me the plate of pepper soup and I was about to open it when something crossed my mind.

"What about Victoria?" I asked.

Amsey's face looked crestfallen.

"Ummm... I....ummm... You should eat," Amsey said to me.

I rolled my eyes, "Can you answer my question instead of trying to change the topic? I asked you before and you dodged the question but you have to give me a reply now," I told him, really meaning it.

Why was he avoiding the question? I wondered.

He cleared his throat, "The thing is....her....her parents took her away," He said.

I chuckled, "Why? Did they say the hospital isn't good enough for their daughter and moved her to another hospital?" I asked.

He shook his head slowly.

"So where did they take her to?" I asked.

"To the...ummm... To the...." Amsey stuttered.

"Be a man and tell her," Rita urged.

I kind of understood immediately she said that. No! I knew exactly what was going on as soon as she said that.

A tear slid down my cheek, "Did.... did....did she die?" I asked.

Amsey nodded his head, "Yes."

"And her baby?" I asked, trying to be strong.

"The baby also died," He said.

Thoughts of Victoria ran through my mind. I remembered how she breathed heavily, how she mocked people and how she'd changed to become a better person.

I remembered telling her how pretty she looked when she smiled, cheering her on, telling her we'd be able to take cute pictures without our big tummies soon and telling her not to worry because things would soon be better for her.

And then, I remembered the last memory I had of her. She had been wheeled into a delivery room with Amsey by her side and I had felt jealous like the stupid fool that I was.

I had wanted Amsey to leave her side and had prayed for it to be possible and the universe unfortunately considered my dumb request this time around.

Heaven knew I hadn't meant what I had thought. I really loved Victoria and it was just a moment's jealousy, I didn't want Victoria to die like that.

I threw the plate of pepper soup across the door and removed the syringe from which I was receiving drip and blood started gushing out from the back of my palm.

I pushed the bed away and stared into the mirror, crying really hard.

"I'd get the doctor," Rita said and left the ward, sensing I wasn't alright.

"Cassandra!" Amsey yelled, holding me.

"I killed her," I said.

"No, you didn't," He disagreed.

"I prayed for her to leave your side, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, Amsey," I said to him, with tears flowing like a river from my eyes.

"It wasn't your fault," Amsey said.

I freed myself from his hold and ran over to Pastor James who was muttering some scriptures.

"Why doesn't God ever answer my prayers? It was just a thought, I didn't mean it and he answered it," I told him.

Amsey took me into his arms stroking my hair, "Even Victoria knew she was going to die. The way she had sounded before her delivery was an obvious fact. It had nothing to do with you, it was her time," He told me.

I kept on sobbing really hard, "She didn't deserve to die."

I felt really broken. I was hurt and pained by the turn of events, I wished things had been different. This was a terrible turn of events and I wished things hadn't happened in this manner.

The doctor arrived with two nurses who forced me to the bed and then, the doctor injected me with a syringe while Amsey assured me it'll be okay.

I soon felt really drowsy and I soon slept off, with one more look at the baby's cot.